Give it a shot. To tell you the truth, you seem about as stable as anyone I know, just a little depressed. You sound like the type that might profit from working in a bookstore or a library? Maybe after a few months, progress yourself into something that interests you? It’s a hell of a lot better than sitting at home all day feeling guilty and depressed.
I try imagine what type of freedom you mean by making money. It just doesn’t do it for me. What would I do with a lot of money? I dont even know. Buy a painting? Travel? Attract the opposite sex? Somehow it turns me off. Forgive me for feeling this way, but those are empty gestures at filling the void. I attempted to go to college for the second time a year ago and none of the people there were interested in what they were learning, but they just wanted the piece of paper, degree.
I want to be great too. but i know myself. And if I was told I was great for something I did, I have trouble believing it.
You can’t imagine it. I have already explained this. You just have to trust me. Why not? What the hell else you gonna do? I hated college for that singular reason. I never graduated and spent several years and a lot of money trying to play the flimsy game. I wanted to learn, not scribble nonsense on paper. Not necessarily saying it’s a sham but it works for some, not for all. Regardless of the fact that 99 percent of those I work with have degrees, I am the one they come to when there is a major technical problem. Show the world what you got to offer. It feels great to earn your keep and even better to make others lives easier. You don’t think you have anything to offer?
When I was in high school I won some short story awards, won the praise of many english teachers, and was featured in the newspaper as “the next big local author” You see, there are two other authors from my hometown, and I won the contests they sponsored. So yeah, I have some talent somewhere, but I think of what success writing fiction would mean. It would mean a public invansion of my private life, a bunch of tireless promotion, and who knows, maybe some crazy will identify with my book too much, like the guy who killed john lennon over the the catcher in the rye. Thats what it would mean, if I was successful.
It would be glamorous and etch my name in history, but would it make me happy? I happen to identify with artists like Kurt Cobain, J.D Salinger, and Thom Yorke. They’re all geniuses at what they do, but their miserable. Cobain killed himself because fame did his head in. I dont know if I want the same path.
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thanks for the encouragement. Maybe I will.
If anything I’d say that your posts have become more insightful and lively. I’d give going w/ out meds a shot.
Hey conman,
Good to see you are still hanging in there. Have you moved out of your aging mother’s house yet? Have you started on that book yet? Are you still planning on becoming a street dancer in NewYork?
Hey Smears, you still haven’t mentioned what you are going to do once you are out … of college.
I think I’m going back.
Well, I live with my aunt. I started many versions of many books. And I’ve become more of a bedroom dancing superstar.