Smoking to music on the bus

I get on the bus and go upstairs, as I always do. It’s about half full, and I immediately realise there’s a punk at the back who’s both smoking and listening to what I presume to be rap on his mobile phone. “This is gonna be a miserable journey”, I think.

But then a rifle and a pack of partial-tranquiliser darts appear in my lap!

I load the rifle and walk slowly and menacingly towards the back of the bus. A few people look at me, including the punk, who’s obviously not expecting any hassle from me. I walk up to him, and he seems bemused that a weakling like me should dare to confront him. He’s about to say something (no doubt in the wigger tongue) but he checks himself when he sees my rifle. I raise it, and fire a dart into his chest. It paralyses him, yet he stays about 90% conscious. It begins.

I take his phone out of his hand, drop it to the floor, and stamp it to smithereens. He can’t believe it. I then take the fag out of his other hand, and stub it out on his nose. He starts sweating now, and his emerging anger is overtaken by a dull fear. I now take a clothes peg out of my pocket, peg his nose, prise open his mouth, and urinate into it. Some splashes on his face and shirt, but that’s okay.

Piss finished, I kick him in the head, and he slumps sideways. The other passengers, hitherto watching in bewildered silence, slowly start to applaud me. They obviously appreciate smoke and music free bus journeys as much as I do.

The end.

haha! You fascist!

I know that bus journey! In Glasgow you frequently get drunks, bams, neds, violent bastards and slutty whores on the bus, and they cause havoc or sing or shout and ball or just general make people uncomfortable.

But sometimes they are needed
to freak people out of their natural fear
but it doesn’t last long…

Where I live, when it happens, it’s always one person (either an alarmingly well groomed asian or a restless chav). It makes me wonder if there’s an unwritten rule that states that only the most menacing person on the bus can play his music.

My fear level is kept in check simply by looking at such people out of the window.

(Quick question: what’s a bam? Nothing to do with Bam Bam Bigelow? :laughing: )

Haha I enjoyed this.

But…perhaps the people on the bus are applauding because they like the smell of urine?