Swallow a Fertilized Chicken Egg and Give Live Birth

Philosophy Forums Science, Technology, and Math
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I am interested in knowing how to treat a already fertilized chicken egg; when to expect it to hatch… and by that, I mean over the time it takes to pass a fully intact, structurally sound chicken egg through my system, and also, I need to strongly stress my ignorance here, how to treat the chicken egg so no ill side effects occur, to either me, or my baby chicken.

I dont know what to coat or treat the chicken egg in, or how to time it right. Im guessing you gotta know the breed of the chicken, when it was first laid, and how long it takes a said fully intact egg to be swallowed and passed.

I would want the end spectrum of this to be rather exact, as I simply want to squat, and poop it out, egg hitting the floor, with it cracking, and a baby chicken popping out. The egg coating needs to be durable enough to survive the digestive process, yet still breakable to survive the drop from a squatting anus to hardwood floor, with minimal shock and inconvenience to my baby, while still cracking the egg upon impact.

From my understanding, competitive eaters eat a low sodium diet, to allow an easier passage of massive quantities of food. I eat mostly Spam. Will this effect the speed of my digestion?

Is there a formula one can construct to calculate the variables, and arrive at a wise conclusion for doing this?

And no, its not cruelty to animals, I would never be mean to my own child. Now, when it grows up, and I rotisserie it, yeah, it be cruel, but never while its still a child.

So you scientist types, I can use you help here, starting with how to treat the egg so I don’t digest it, or worst, have it wake up in my large intestines kicking and clawing its way out, like those things from Aliens.

Don’t be intimidated, this is some ground breaking science here. I have a general strategy only in outlines, too many blanks to construct a testable hypothesis around. This is cutting edge, so could use your input. This is perhaps the deepest, most inventive thought anyone ever had on ilovephilosophy.com and will undoubtedly, forever change how we view this site.

To go, where no man, has gone before.

(Is anyone here a trained midwife?)

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Well sorry but, unless you include oxygen for the egg and a way for the egg to pass carbon dioxide you won’t be successful, coating the egg will kill it through suffocation, your enclosed system will suffocate it. Your body chemicals would kill it. The shell is porous. Your experiment is designed to fail. The egg is a porous incubator. Your system has the strongest acid. It will die, rot and quite likely cause you a severe illness as most eggs carry disease… good luck though.

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So, put it in a plastic sieve, and coat the sieve. Needs to be easy to peck through, highly flexible, resistant to stomach acid. Like a big, long poopie you are constipated with.

Any exercises one should avoid when the chickenaut is passing through. I am guessing no sit ups. Jumping jacks a bad idea.

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ROFL, Can you tell me how it will get oxygen and release carbon dioxide? One other little item you must keep it at 99 degrees with half a degree fluctuation to a degree for no longer than an hour or two. Take pepto within a week

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I will lower my body temperature, Ive done this before in Alaska hiking in icewater (ship creek).

Okay… I give myself a ice water enema every few hours for a few days, to keep my intestines cool.

How many liters of icewater will I have to consistently take anally to pull this off? I can drink it too, so both sides stay cool.

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You might have to experiment with that one. I suggest Guinea eggs. Strong less susceptible to bacteria etc. Very primal creatures, you might try snake and turtle eggs…

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Im not about to swallow a snake egg, what if it mistakes my bum as its lair? If I get mugged, I could just bend over and a pissed off Cobra can strike out… which is awesome, but like, potty time would be needlessly difficult, trying to coax a cobra out so I could toot.

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Uuum, yea, ok… no snake, although … nope never mind.,. Chicken ok… it must be fun in your brain…

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So, I need to do something sciency with this…

How do I go about constructing a Hypothesis that seeks to identify the variables involved? And how will the hypothesis, when brought to testing, allow me to predict what comes first, the chicken, or the egg, when I push it out?

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Good luck man. Everything I eat comes out as regular poop. Literally everything. If you pull this off, get a video or something. I’ve gotta see it.

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Go to a chicken forum, yes they exist, folks talk about hatching eggs, raising chickens and the problems of both. Please present this on one or two of those forums then provide the links… I would enjoy the responses…
I do know your biggest variables are bacteria, air and temperature. Also your intestines have one of the strongest acids known to humanity. Fix those issues and it might work. A way may be the use of a balloon made of surgical tubing. How? Not a clue.

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I went to my mom’s house a few months ago and she had some chickens in a cage in her backyard. I was like whatttttt?

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I have 48 give or take, mostly Guinea fowl. But, they are in coops and yards. I plan to have many more. Free ranging killing bugs, rodents and snakes.

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Nah this was just like 3 or 4. I have no idea what she’s doing with em.

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My stomach acid is weak now actually, have to take apple cider vinegar… I started getting Vitigilo, so went on the Roman Army Rations diet, and it reversed it, then started fine tuning it. I have Heuresis, and as far as I can tell reading medical journals, only one to successfully block and reverse hair follicle whitening… at a rate faster than the skin, due to my special diet and lifestyle. Weak stomach acid is a component of Vitigilo.

I dont mind going to a chicken forum, but don’t want this coming off as weird or far fetched… I want it to be based on solid and rational science, and give the idea credibility. I can see people doing this in science fairs… detrouse, squat… and out pops a live chicken… sure beats the erupting volcano stuff.

So… this thread is where we explore, how to do science. Only later, after its polished, can we present this idea.

Is there like, a list of templates in which to write up a Hypothesis? I dont see any in microsoft word.

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Contra, are you aware of re vitaligo?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irxNduxRyWo[/youtube]

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Well your apple cider vinegar will kill or weaken the embryo also. Acid is acid. I think you may have to read some published hypothesis.
Go to a University site. Cornell has a good ornithology department. You might find something helpful there.

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I know the feminization of males has gone too far, but this seems a bit ridiculous. :confused:

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I dunno, the seahorse, Tilipia, and other male species actually nurture the eggs, this incudes birds. It could be considered getting back to his roots… maybe…

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…only by those lost in the delusion. :sunglasses:

Men shitting live chickens?
Seriously? :confused: