Tarts' Calling-Cards (UK)

I noticed today that every single phone box I walked past was conspicuously lacking of a single tart calling-card (presumably due to us all having mobile phones). My question is: what has replaced the calling-card as the means by which the punters contact the whores? I ask, of course, purely out of academic interest :laughing:

Not that I’m an expert but when I idly searched using Google for a list of massage parlours I found the following rather easily

punterlink.co.uk/massage_parlours.htm

You’ll note that each venue details it’s services:

Escort - pretty young thing to flatter you and make you look more popular - for middle management tosspots, usually slightly balding ones at that

Full - full sex, I assume

BDSM - bondage play, minor ‘pain’ play

Dungeon Hire - now I’m assuming this isn’t some sort of privatised prison service and that it is one of those fully equipped rooms where a punter can be tied up into a sort of harness and whipped, beaten, spiked, smacked, kicked, gouged in the testicles with a stiletto heel or whatever…

I didn’t notice Golden Showers mentioned anywhere - I assume you check the availability of such added extras when you phone up to book your person…

Where else? The back of lads mags tend to have 30 pages of relatively uncensored advertising (including for illegal products like cannabis growing kits) in which one can find the details of various other venues. If you are still not content then contact your local Tourist Information Office

someoneisatthedoor:
Where else? The back of lads mags tend to have 30 pages of relatively uncensored advertising (including for illegal products like cannabis growing kits) in which one can find the details of various other venues. If you are still not content then contact your local Tourist Information Office"

K: Wow. The local tourist information office?
My local tourist office won’t even tell me where they are,
little less where the local whores are.
The English have a much better tourist information office
then here in the U.S. I vote we take that from the English
instead of their pension plans or universal health care system.

Kropotkin

Well, obviously it depends from Office to Office…

:smiley:

Thanks for your time, SIATD. (I’ve always been crap at searching for things.)

That’s fine, I’m just providing a service (should you visit one of the venues mentioned then don’t hesistate to mention me by name)

siatd,

So now you want to claim pimp on your resume?

My resume is woefully inadequate, presently consisting of interesting hobbies and academic achievements, it needs as much help as it can get…

tentative: If I ask someone where the nearest police station is, and he tells me where I can find a map that might show it, does that make him a policeman? :wink:

Looking back, I think that my mistake was using the keywords “prostitute” and “brothel” when I should’ve used “escort” and “massage parlour”. Ah, the joy of euphemisms… I can’t see myself going to any of these places, however, as the tarts are all approaching their mid-life crises, and the fees are too high!

cup of tea with your tart?

I guess dunkin donuts doesn’t sell them either…

-Imp

You have prostitutes working out of the police stations? :astonished: Damn! I guess I should consider moving to Britain. You guys sure know how to live…

JT

That reminds me of something I once read in a newspaper article. A tart was asked if she got much trouble from the police, and she replied that on the contrary some of her best customers were policemen!

Sounds about right…
:smiley: