Tell a joke or a riddle, make sure you post the answer!!

This should be funny. If this thread dies it’s because ILP has no sense of humor. Tell a joke or a riddle and make sure you post the answer.

I’ll start…

What’s the fastest animal in the world?

The Ethiopian chicken.

What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an octopus?

I dunno, but it sure can pick lettuce.

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

it was dead.

-Imp

A skeleton walked into a bar and said, “Gimme a shot, and a mop”.

So a guy goes up to a prostitue on the street and asks “how much?”. She tells him $100 and they walk into an alley where she starts to undress. He whips it out and immediatley starts masturbating. The prostitute looks at his and says, “dude what the hell are you doing?”.

He replies, “Shit bitch, for $100 I’m not just gonna give you the easy one.”

did you hear about the guy who broke his leg playing golf?

he fell off the ball washing machine

-Imp

A male celebrity pats himself down after getting dusty - who is he?

…Dustin Hoffman!

A female celebrity holds a spoon - who is she?

…Reese Witherspoon!

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ‘‘What is that?’’

‘‘They’re smart pills,’’ said the other boy. ''Eat them and they’ll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ‘‘These taste like sh*t.’’

‘‘See,’’ said the other boy, ‘‘you’re getting smarter already.’’

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, “At last they’re finally together.”

A guy sitting in the front row says, “Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?”

“I mean her legs!”