The Church is a grave

Creative Forums Creative Writing
1

The church is a grave
Its molten doors are thick treacle’s of industry

  • They work to shut.
    And the priest;
    The papery manikin
    Shard of a former self
    Waits forever

Religious red blood wine
Wafer without yeast
A hymn
A throng of fraction
The organ plays
The skins atomise

It rains all day without end, Amen.

The religious man is a man without a suit.
But, the man in a church is but a different wearer

Beware of fables as fragile as tissue abrasions
Beware the salient one who walks without rocks of tears

Redeemer of essence is, the daisy cow in a grass meadow.

We walk lone so as not to stir the air of other particles

Change sides of the road – So as not to speak

The church drives straight through the people of white attire accident
The psalm and diatribe:
The lukewarm glass of hope…a fine wine of holiness not

Recite, recant, and deny then the slash of desires cutting through your concrete wall of mind.
Be a solitude rose, trembling midst the garden of an ire winter – with sharp snow your only Lover – like the nails of….That dragon’s blood, your Holy lover.

Woman makes religion a living breathing, hypothermal lie.
Love and the juice cup of intimacy strip naked the honest hypochondriacs of cloth

Happy hypnogenesis!!!

My hypothesis is that,
The lamb is being sold in order to reduce the cost of living.

Fact: Hypnosis is best achieved in a throng.

Sickness is a drug like any other……but there is no cure for so and why

Yes

Is redemptive to life

But do you have the courage for Yes?

2

I’ll be brutally honest with you because you are a good friend and I know that you can take it. I didn’t really like this poem. While I agree with many of the sentiments expressed I think that you are essentially treading over old grounds, albeit in a lyrically interesting fashion.

I’ve certainly seen better poems on this topic, and better poems from you on other topics. You’ve got an imagination, Colin, and you like to use it. That’s the most important thing as far as I’m concerned and you’ve certainly got whatever it is that writers need to have…

But you should focus, instead of writing another ‘cold, damp symbolism of the Church’ poem write something that bites more deeply. I don’t think that it is any secret that your sexual habits tend to be on the sinful side of (Catholic) dogma, so write something about that. You know about it, you’ve got the vocabulary (though I’d like to see more religious vocabulary, possibly built into puns, in this sort of work) and some clever, wry ideas but what I’d like to see is you butchering this poem for only those bits that are really good, then you building them into a fresh work. It’s up to you, of course, but I think you could do so much more, that something with more grit and angles is well within the grasp of your talents.

Of course you know me, if you ignore my suggestion I’ll not lose any sleep.

:smiley:

3

I think your criticism is SPOT ON! This piece was written a few years back, I just thought I would fling it up, it is a mass of sprawling intentions, i was just jotting down the ideas, hence why they become much more sporadic and unconnected as they move along…

I will definitely be gleaming from this prose-poem, perhaps constrcut something along the lines you suggest.

thanks for comment.

4

No problems, I did think that it seemed a little childish, even for you…

5

even for me…?

whatever do you mean? some of the ideas expressed are ab it cliche anti-religiosity! i see the immaturity. a hasty reactionary poet.

i did write it years ago. i have thousands of word files. i sift through them all the time editing, scraping, re-doing, starting afresh. some of these ideas are probably from high school…i presume…