The line between futilety and gain

If all viable options, already distinctly seperate,
were fundamentally sound,
if the question was also the questing,
if this groove was not serated
and each path to life was apparent
glowing with the need to satiate itself
with a knowledge of surprise
and the discovery of concepts isolated
so they may be utilized and then reprised
this portion of the darkness in which somnolents reside
would,
through the diurnal error concieved in the sensation of it’s opposite,
make attempts to turn it’s head again
towards the distant light of memory and disciplne
But hands out stretched will not find the core of ones own being
and will always fail in each attempt to become
in the absence of beginning
At this point do you go to sleep?
Or do you stand, resolved to make a final leap?
perched upon the precipice of sanity overlooking a chasm of abyssal madness.
From know ledge to no ledge to knowledge
All other superflous thoughts fade beside this monolith.
They feebly return to the haze of their existence
But yet there is a final question which still remains:
“Is there time to recover this lost strain and raise it out from the detritus and earthly muck through the advantage of your pain?”

I liked this a lot. many people post poems and then await comments. i never know if the poet wants advice either.
ever thought about writing prose? line breaks are tricky. why break a line up where you do? is it the end of a thought, does the line break emphasize an idea, sound, etc? prose is written without line break. could work for you…a great poet at this is Fernando Pessoa. He was from Lisbon. Robert Creeley has interesting line breaks too.
just a couple of thoughts. nice.
thanks

Concordant,

What did you mean by these lines?
Are you saying that one cannot find oneself even if they reach out to the world and that one needs something other than themselves? And “in the absence of beginning” what is beginning?

:slight_smile: !!!..

Advice and suggestions are always welcome, alexistentialism. Even if they happen to rub me the wrong way at first. Yep line breaks. Heard that before. I never know what to do with them and with this poem I revised it as I was posting so… I put less thought into it and focused more on the lines themselves than I otherwise would. Your comment was kind of oblique though. I mean it sounded like it wanted to be a criticism, but you didn’t exactly state it directly, because you didn’t want to offend? It’s best to just state your opinion and let the reciever deal with the blow, if there is a blow to one’s ego. If they’re honest enough with themselves they will get over the emotional reaction and consider the advice. So critique all you want. Thank you for the comment.

Kristalyn, what you wrote is basically correct. One can only help oneself in an effective matter when it comes to knowledge and action. What is beginning? Well I would say it is a step that is not retracted or retraced. It is a point of departure from a static or dormant state into a new plain of thought work action whatever. It is kind of like an act which instead of disapating gains momentum and through hours weeks or days turns into something other than what it started as. A beginning, but of course I am kind of stealing from Rilke to my shame

Concordant,

I think the motive of Alexistentialism’s statement was to inspire some thoughts about your work and what you’re trying to achieve rather than just being critical. Posing the statements as questions, in my opinion, is a way to begin a dialogue which is the opposite of criticism in that he/she is not just telling you what you should do or specifically what you’re doing is wrong. I sense a genuine interest here in your work. If you want a blunt statement, I think you overreacted to the post, but maybe that’s only because as artists we are so sensitive about what we do. One thing I learned in art school, which you may or may not have already heard before, is that you have to separate the art from the artist. When you create something it’s so easy to feel that it’s truly an extension of you and when people criticize it, you may feel like they are taking a stab at you, personally. This is not the case. I’m sure you’re fully capable of rationalizing all of this for yourself.

To turn and contradict myself completely here, your poem has peaked our thoughts and interest- you should feel good about that.