I’ve never been raped. I am a woman, and I really am curious about this subject and if you do have knowledge about the subject, please help me understand!
If a girl was raped around the ages 13-14 by an older man, what are some of the effects that this unfortunate situation can have on her? Can she be insecure, try to avoid men (or unconsciously just do so)? I want to image in my mind a 20 year old young woman who was raped when she was 14. How can this situation be personified? I know that each individual is different and there is not a ONE answer, but what are some things that are ‘likely’ and ‘not surprising’?
How would sex be for her when she her first real boyfriend?
If you do know about the subject, please enlighten me! Thank you
I never let either attack affect me, I always had men that loved me around me, my dad, brothers, grandfathers, uncles and cousins. The men that attacked me were strangers. So when dating came around I was not fearful or affected. I knew not all men were monsters. I could have comfort and love. I am with the love of my life for 30 yrs and still going strong.
When not managed well, the mind becomes filled with every conceivable negative association leading to a dislike for anything and everything vaguely associated with the event, including locations, colors, smells, people types, clothing, temperature,… anything and everything. Everything concerning the trauma scene becomes a subtly Perceived Sign of Threat.
The opposing extreme is the very well managed trauma, taking a high degree of pre- and post- handling. When prepared, the trauma is reduced substantially and can even become nothing more than a “yet another bad day”. Post handling includes the disassociation of the elements of the scene that actually had nothing to do with the event (as Lady K just expressed) as well as realization of actual versus perceived danger and damage.
Of course you live at a time when media loves to enhance all fear throughout the West, so they emphasis how one “should” be terrified and traumatized for life because of those evil males (assuming they are the right race, religion, or political affiliate).
The current therapy for rape victims is several weeks of group interaction in which the experience is discussed ad nauseum. This is the therapy also used to treat PTSDs in general. The victim has to become aware that she did not give what was taken from her. Intensive group therapy helps combat the Why me?
I would think it would mess her up for years especially if it was violent. Psychotherapy no doubt required as Ieurrellus said, unless you were a very odd person.
I agree with you to an extent, Smears, but I don’t think it’s the whole “penis in vagina” thing that leaves most women suffering from PTSD after a rape, even if it is a fairly non-violent one. It’s the feeling of being violated, of having your choice and your control over your own body taken away from you. I experienced unwanted sexual advances as a child and don’t really remember much of it, but as a grown woman I’ve found myself in a sticky situation or two, one in particular comes to mind in which a guy I went to highschool with tried to forcibly drag me out the side entrance of a bar, and there is this very primal fear that strikes right at the heart of a person when you realize that you may not be able to prevent this other person from doing whatever they want to do to you. I can’t imagine how it would have felt if I actually had been dragged out of that bar, it was pretty obvious what was going through his head and the terror I felt in the few seconds before I twisted his nutsack was pretty intense, I can’t imagine what it would have felt like to have been completely at his mercy and not know if he was even going to allow me to walk away afterwards. The feeling of helplessness doesn’t just stop at “Someone is having sex with me and I don’t want them to”, a woman being raped is going to be afraid for her life, some so much so that they will let themselves be raped without putting up a fight because they want to survive. In that moment, that female is in a life-or-death situation and she has no control over what may happen.
What blurry said, you are missing a lot of context here.
Slavery, domination of will, powerlessness, it’s always said rape is about power, I think it is seldom just sexual, and I think a lot of it is about control. If it was just about sticking your dick in someone you’d be right, it aint though.
So you are with someone you know, since most rapes are perpetrated by someone you know and they rape you in the ass Smears. Now here’s the thing. When you hit someone it is rage. That’s what hate does. But generally, the natural thing, is to put the dick in the person you like or are at least neutral about but are attracted to. So you have this guy, who fucks you in the ass, Smears, and you are getting to messages, one filled with hate, the other is that they act out this hate with something that a gay lover would do being affectionate. Yuo come home from being beaten up, well, it’s not like when your spouse tries to beat you up it triggers you, get what I am saying. But when your spouse comes to have sex with you, it is tainted. But then you likely are not gay, so the parallel is not so tight. You would likely find even loving anal sex with a guy traumatic.
And get this Smears…the guy who fucks you up the ass, well in this scenario half the population is likely to be stronger than you, most of them want to fuck you or someone like you in the ass, though only some of them are willing to do it by force. See how everyday life gets, hm, more tense.
Now you’re a strong personality and you know what it is like to be raped, so you can be dismissive. You got over being raped when you were raped pretty quickly. Oh, just for the record, generally there is a little more to it than dick in hole. You generally are assualted first, often threatened, maybe a weapon involved, perhaps they tell you you want it, forced to the ground or bed, stripped, and then raped. Usually there is surprise involved, shock, not quite sure where this came from or what you did that let this happen, if anything. Violence suddenly was there. Suddenly someone had full control of you and then did this very intimate thing. Getting hit on the surface of the body is intimate, but being forcibly fucked is a tad more so.
Now the beat up person, wow, someone starts to beat them up, well, wow, you kinda know, hey this is bad.
Then the raped person, someone starts to make love strip you out of affection, be passionate, hm…triggers the bad thing, potentially.
I mean, really, when men look at women it’s all rather loving, you can see that in the Eyes so why should any of that or approaches remind her of rape. Most men do not in any way see her as a thing, there are no real triggers, she is just trying get emotional Welfare or something really threatening to other people like that.
BUT WHO THE FUCK CARES IF IT IS SELF-SERVING. i MEAN THE SHIT PEOPLE THINK. WHO IS GETTING AWAY WITH WHAT? OH, THAT WOMAN STOLE TOO MUCH SYMPATHY. I mean seriously if you have very little compassion or think that compassion is a zero sum game then you won’t feel compassion. Sorry, it’s been 6 months you should be over it. Meanwhile you haven’t gotten over your last girlfriend or can’t go a couple of days DEALING WITH EVERYDAY LIFE
without drugs…
Seriously what would you know about the duration of trauma after any traumatic event when waking up sends you right to the alternative apothecary for sedation.
How did sunlight get so traumatic for you and yet you think you know how long someone should be affected by rape?
Anyway, I didn’t see anyone in the thread saying it had to last for Life or that this happens to everyone, so nice wank on a straw man.
Actually some research Points to Writing therapy being better. That the person writes about all their feelings and thoughts about it for a few Days seems to work better than sharing via speech. Especially coupled with some counseling, one on one with a therapist. Repeating it as a story and generally with the feelings does not reorganize the experience enough, but Writing all thoughts and feelings seems to do this.
I would think that such a writing technique would be good for the reason that it allows the person to be more honest with herself and not confuse her mind with attempts to speak well and embarrassment concerns. Of course if she thinks that someone is going to be reading it, then it probably wouldn’t help much more than simply saying it aloud. What is happening in both cases is that she is merely “facing her fear” response which limits the inner fear dissemination. It compartmentalizes the event which prevents it from spreading subtle association throughout her entire mind for years to come.
The best cure for trauma is prevention, but void of it being prevented, trauma management comes into play and it takes serious skill and technique to remove it completely. No “therapist” is going to be able to do that.
I’m reminded here of the Ancient Mariner who burned to tell his tale to whoever would listen. In defense of the intensive group therapy approach, I believe the girl has the opportunity to tell her story. She will have to live around people. So why not have group confessions of the PTSD? The therapuetic value of sharing about a trauma in a group setting comes from finding others who have experienced the same or similar violations of selfhood. It goes past judgment and allows empathy. The girl may not be able to write out her PTSD. But she can talk about it in a supportive environment.
Its not just female victims that get shamed. Males/boys attacked and brutalized by females/girls are shamed and called weakling because they got beaten by a female and yet are told never to hit females. These males suffer just the same as female victims that are shamed.
Its a sick part of society.
I Think that part of the process is that one mixes abstract analytical and emotional reactions. And I Believe the idea was to do this over several Days, and people tended to uncover more and more and make more interconnections between the various emotions and thoughts (also creating new ones - drawing conclusions, making decisions). If you tell the story, you are likely to tell primarily the same story and get good at telling that story. Of course new portions of the memories may arise, but the very process of getting across the core part - I was raped, it was horrible - is going to overwhelm all the other possible and more nuanced and complicated associations, memories, judgments, assumptions that will come to light during Writing. Writing is not simply getting across to the other person, especially here where it is not intended to be read by others, it is intended to be read by the person herself. So the whole organism gets to learn in a very broad range of ways. Of course she is going to cry or rage or feel the terror again, but these will be parts of a much more complicated process than is generally elicited by telling others in speech. Partly it is what the process of Writing tends to lead to, partly it is, as you say, that she is the audiance. Part of the problem with rape or any traumatic event is that so much happens so fast the person cannot integrate the experience. As you say it compartmentalizes the event, perhaps even driving it underground, and in extreme cases, setting up a whole personality to be the archivist for it while the rest of the person forgets. Writing slows Everything down, especially over Days. The brain mind soul can learn from it, put it in perspective - and have catharsis - more slowly over time. No compartmentalization. And more possibility for nuance. Speech is more likely to be like gorging on food. Writing is more like chewing slowly.
I had worked on some traumas in a variety of ways. These were long past ones. Then I read about this approach and thought I would try. I have a lot of training in dealing with trauma and know a lot of different ways of dealing with it, right after the event or long after. Still, I was rather surprised how powerful the process affected me, but also this sense of good digesting. A more complete digestion process had taken Place.
