How important is sex physically and is the physical absence of sex in one’s life, destructive.
I read a short article by Mark Manson on this topic and I have gleaned pieces from it to make up this post.
Most of us have read somewhere that men can have sex indiscriminately regardless of who (or what) it comes from and women crave intimacy/love to do so.
but what if both of these are wrong?
There is no evidence that celibacy or asexuality is actually physically or psychologically unhealthy, you don’t die from not having enough sex, in fact one can argue there are benefits from not having sex, agree Maia?
I am not advocating people should not have sex, I am simply pointing out that it is not a biological/psychological need, but rather simply another drive.
On the other hand, if psychological needs go unmet for long periods of time, it will absolutely fuck us up physically and psychologically.
The fact is, as humans, we have actually evolved to use sex to meet our psychological needs, not our physical needs.
+++There is no evidence that celibacy or asexuality is actually physically or psychologically unhealthy, you don’t die from not having enough sex, in fact one can argue there are benefits from not having sex, agree Maia?+++
Yes, very much so. Having now experienced four years of self-imposed celibacy, I can say that the benefits include a focusing of the mind on things that are really important to you, taking pleasure from simple things, especially, in my case, being alone in nature, and not having to worry about some relationship or other not working out.
+++I am not advocating people should not have sex, I am simply pointing out that it is not a biological/psychological need, but rather simply another drive.
On the other hand, if psychological needs go unmet for long periods of time, it will absolutely fuck us up physically and psychologically.
The fact is, as humans, we have actually evolved to use sex to meet our psychological needs, not our physical needs.+++
It’s essentially a choice, I would say. It’s never a good idea to be psychologically dependent on something that might not be available to you.
I pity women who have no love in their lives; I can’t think a more disappointing waste of time of life.
Shieldmaiden… I could careless for this bitch, and her recent advocation of physical threat and violence on this forum.
But for Maia, there is still hope.
Intellect and wisdom is very attractive. It’s surprising, to me, how little there is among people. Somebody with a sharpened intellect, and reasoning ability, is “magnetic”.
With respect to biology I think you’ve got it backwards. Sex is necessary for the continuation of the species. How one feels about that is another matter. Is it determined by psychosocial factors? Education of women has been shown to have a negative correlation with the birth rate. Concomitantly is the freedom to engage in recreational sex afforded by the birth control pill. The most important sex organs are the reproductive ones. But yeah we need the brain to get the job done.
As you pointed out sex is a necessity for reproduction and the propagation of the human race (obviously), but as well as health benefits it comes with certain risks, unwanted pregancies and the risk of sexually transmitted infections.
While sex is absolutely a physiological function, the drive for sex (note, a drive, not a need) is interwined with our psychological needs for esteem and connection. They’re intimately linked in our ingrained system of emotional attachment, and they can’t be unlinked, even if one manages to suppress those needs, they come roaring back in the forms of neediness and overcompensation.
That’s why even the most cold-hearted player eventually has an emotional implosion, usually at the most unexpected time".
Neither do you die from being locked in a padded cell for 50 years with no human contact except a pale of water and a plate of feed under the door everyday
But “not dying” is not a measure of what is or is physically or mentally unhealthy.
But if you want to examine the history of sexuality and the celibacy of , oh say, the Catholic prisesthood, you can get an idea of the harm that celibacy can do.
It’s not about the sex, it’s about how we feel about ourselves.
Nature has cleverly wired us this way, to put our psychological needs first and then use sex to fulfill them in order to trick us into sticking around and taking care of one another.
Hunger, Thirst are drives.
The need for fresh air and space are drives.
There is nothing “simply another” about drives, they are the basis of our lives.
Nature is not “tricking us” - it does not have volition of that kind. And it is in this area that your thinking may be flawed. We are nature. Our drive is what makes us human. Rationalism can over come drives, but only if you want to die of hunger, thirst or aponea. Though we can live without sexual contact, autoerotic release might be all we need to stay sane - a bit like dining and drinking alone.
But complete abstinence is going to be a bad idea.
There’s a paradox in all this. For most of history, sex has been a taboo subject, and at the very least, was kept private and rarely talked about. This is no longer really the case, at least in society at large, and yet our birth rate is in steep decline.
The only parallel in history that springs to mind is the Roman Empire, but this isn’t actually a very good parallel, as the modern view of life in Imperial Rome consisting of a constant round of orgies is very much a product of scandal-mongers among Roman writers, and the decline of the empire and its population came much later, after Christianity had taken over.
