the move

Tailored corduroys
around your neck
I’ll take just one inch in

do you need
more room to breath?
We can discuss while I’m moving.

The decision is up and the time is over
I can feel shadows telling me
tails pointing up in alarmed suspicion.

Over as a bridge does
crossing divided shores
bandaging alien beaches
for feet and wheels that have only a minute
to cross.

I like this one too. It conveys a sense of longing to me. And the last stanza, adds a universality to the theme, perfectly balancing, I think, the dissention between the personal and the universal.

The last conjunction however, slightly botches up the flow of imagery for me. If it were my poem, I’d consider dropping for, and maybe, moving the last two lines into a closing stanza, therby giving the reader that one extra space, that one extra moment to remain in the air before landing on the bridge. (We, of course, all have our opinions – I, a bit more than most :wink:)

This, Alex…, is a good poem and one of my favs of yours I’ve read. The interior quoted line is the strongest in my opinion. I like UGM’s suggestion and can see where h’es coming from but not so much that I think the poem as is can’t stand on its own without such minor correction.

=D> Nels.

i appreciate all help…what may seem minor may in fact b major.

gracias