This one starts out rather slow and so abstract that it is hard to get into the mood its trying to convey, but the last line is such a stunner and the body is so real from my own experience that makes me really like this piece. It’s just your first lines don’t bypass the mind like that beautiful Bishop quote we’re both so fond of.
I’m not offering any suggestions on how to revise it (if it needs revision), you are full well capable of that, I’m just offering my impressions. The title builds an expectation of a ride on a locomotive, but the abstract derails it for me. That’s wrong, it’s not even the abstract but the length of the first line, and, oh… I don’t know. I shouldn’t tinker.
Don’t listen to me! I’m suggesting, err… debating within myself about a line that is no longer fresh as it was to a first reading, a line that affected me differently then than now. Maybe the slow start, like any locomotive is essential for the pace the poem picks up and up as it goes along. So I was wrong in the above paragraph. Such a fascinating poem rainey, too complex for me to solve. Though, I still can’t get seventeen traffic lights out of my mind. 
No, no, you’re absolutely right. It never occurred to me what the title was setting the reader up for. Excellent point. It does seem a bit incongruous. I could either change the poem, or change the title. (I’m guessing the title might be a bit easier…) I’ll have to think about this one. Thanks, TUM.
…not sure if I would necessarily call it the race of the heart;
a mere flirtation,
perhaps,
but not the race of the heart.
Well, then again…
the occasional wink,
an unexpected smile,
a pointed toe,
flirtation, surely
No?
And then of course the last line, rainey per excellence, leaving one frozen in one’s tracks.
nice