OK. Is this an infestation? I’m calling the National Guard. I’m calling the T.A. I’m calling my mummy and my daddy and demanding they bring a big brush to my rescue.
Why o why?
Ladies and gentlemen, SPIDERS have been popping up about my house for the passed for weeks with worrying regularity. I am not prone to spider fear but several incidents have jarred me out of my natural docility. Allow me to recount my hardship:
*I jumped into bed all sleepy and giddy with dumb and what starts to crawl toward me in a terrorist like fashion a spider. It races toward me. I drop my sandwich and like a school girl I leap from my bed and shriek without sound. I grab a book and crush the spide as if it was the manifestation of a bad memory. I take time to recollect myself and put the spider in the bin and fo back to bed though I am now ever more paranoid the a spider family lurks close by.
*Days later; I sit downstairs at night watching some aimless tv. What scurries along the floor? A large fucking spider…I jump. I grab a newspaper and crush the fucker! I sit back down…moments later another spider appears. God: the karma! I kill this bastard and go upstairs.
*Today, I come home from work, I go into the kitchen and on the floor there is a murdered spider. I sigh…I wonder…I go upstairs. I sit at my computer. I look to my right at my bed and what is there above my bed head rest - another spider! I crush this guy with quick ease.
(One night I was sitting in bed reading and I actually spied a spider rush across my floor I tied to find it but he evaded capture.)
What should I do people? Any thoughts on these spiders of the mind? Is it the weather? Should I check for a nest? Is there an infestation? I fear for my life. I might not last the night. Any advice would be comical…
assuming that’s glasgow in kentucky, it’s probably just the weather. in indiana it’s the same way; spiders coming in out of the cold and invading houses.
thankfully all spiders in the U.K. are without venom - unless they have arrived in a banana box by accident. But these spiders are still pretty big and skinny and stealthy. They run out at your like little muggers. Shocking…
I guess I’ll jsut neeed to keep my eyes peeled and hope they don’t jump into bed with me .
Make friends with them. My front porch has a large colony of large spiders on the ceiling. They are very cool. Fun to watch at night as they scurry around checking their webs for insects, which, as you know, they eat. Spiders are good neighbors.
I never kill a spider, although there are several in my living quarters. They can tell that I like them, and they leave me alone. Spiders just know these things.
Get a copy of Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars and leave it out so they can see it. Play it once in a while. Buy a couple of Spiderman comics and read them, displaying your enjoyment as you can. Don’t recite “Oh, what a tangled web we weave…” They don’t like that. Arachnidism, you know.
Let them know you spend time on the Web. Get a Jack Webb (old american TV star) poster. Get a large plastic spider and make a lamp out of it. Or try eBay. When you see a female spider, say something like “Nice legs”. They like that.
Invite some of them to parties and other social events. They won’t go, but it’s always nice to be asked. I once asked a Brown Recluse (should have known better) to come out drinking and he laughed in my face. Badass spider, the Brown Recluse. But we got along famously after that.
Reach out to your spider friends, and you will find that they are true friends, indeed.
Imp’s right, spiders are you buddies. I like them; they do gobble up other creepy bugs. The ones I hate are centipedes! I’ll do anything to kill one one site no matter the collateral damage I cause.
Hahah! Faust - that was exactly what I needed, you gave me a good laugh, I have heard all about Brown Recluse (the Bukowski of the Spider Kingdom). I am going to stop killing them for now and try and live in relative peace with the skinny legged crawlers.
I live in an area that crawls with venom, I let certain spiders dwell in my home and they in turn eat mosquites and the enevitable cockroach that tries to invade. I even have a wild rat snake that lives in our walls, it eats invading mice and other larger creepys like cockroaches. Lizards abound in and around our home they seem to enjoy the toxic spiders the best, Seems that there are critturs that enjoy spicy foods too
So I concur with the others that you may have a free pest service going on. Now if they get too many you really ought to remove them by force or by humane ways, as I do. Otherwise your home becomes unlivable.
That’s a good point, Colin - maybe you can get something knocked off the rent. Come to think of it, this may be why I know so much about spiders - cheap digs are usually what I live in.
Spiders crap all over the place and leave dead bug carcasses everywhere. I say kill the little buggers before they take over. Go to your local home improvement store and get some insecticide that you hook up to a garden hose and spray all around your house. Then go inside and spray as well.
Spiders creep me out because they are so damn ugly!
Faust was not digging at you he was directing it at the fact that he is smart and not dumb like people say. I can see where you misread it. try reading it like he was patting himself on the back for not being dumb.
Big difference.
Oh and cheap digs has two meanings here one is a below the belt insult and the other is a very inexpensive domicile
I’ll do anything to kill one one site no matter the collateral damage I cause. 
