Since the Industrial Revolution
I have been finding it increasingly difficult to breathe.
A general increase in the Earths atmosphere
has caused me to put my hat on. Weird.
As the glaciers melt - the icecubes rejoice!
Chip off the old block! Get it while it’s hot.
As the climate changes, bring it on, motherfucker!!
Millions upon Millions while die!! I am ready for it.
As the geological plates prime to shift, I am ready
for all the shit that will hit the tectonic fan!
As entire cities shake like belly dancers!
As woman, children scream in raining fire!
As skins melt and bubble!
As the few claim ‘I told you so’
As your television says nothing!
As your DVD and C.D. and book collection
become diabolically absurd!
The World will crack
The egg will pour
The God shall make toast of us ants,
in a gesture, not unlike, emptying an
ash tray!!
I agree. I like it all, but I have a general comment about exclamation points used by Colin. Mostly they seem to signal the author’s enthusiasm in his case, which is asking for problems if the reader doesn’t share it. It should be about what the author is saying, not about how the author feels about what he is saying. Right away you get this distance. However, exclamations that carry something of irony or parody such as in “-the icecubes rejoice!” are essential. But I pasted the poem and removed all the rest of exclas and guess what, a far better poem written by an author with steely eyes and far more acquainted with and qualified to report on pain and absurdity,he’s far less enamored with his own manic mood and not interested in advertising the fact.
Lines like "As the climate changes, bring it on, motherfucker!! " would be vastly improved without exclamation points. As it is, it’s tiresome and expected. Without exclaims, the line becomes unique and layered, or has a more curious inviting tone.
Lines like: “As entire cities shake like belly dancers!” - a very viable line of poetry, but again, the exclaim lowers it to a student level. A line like that does not need further emphasis, any further oomph has a reducing effect and again shows the writer’s enthusiasm for a line that’s not entirely original. The line’s originality DEPENDS on removing the exclaim and making it a throwaway: “As entire cities shake like belly dancers.”
Now if you’re going for a carvinal barker effect, or the effect of a guy on a soapbox or a car with speakers on the roof, etc., exclaims could be the whole point. But that’s neither here nor there for this piece. For this one, speak softly and carry a big stick applies. You do have quite a big stick Colin. I like your work.