the worst heart ache in history

Love can not be compared. No one can say I loved x more than you ever loved y. But in this instance, in the eye’s of truth for this 19 year old newly renownd emo kid, nothing could compare his love for jessica JB.

He was a smart guy with small ambitions. An aries that got places in life by people giving it to him. With few short term relationships and the occasional hookups. Mithc has never experinced Full love. The love that only a couple that have been 2gether for more than 3 months could know. He has “loved” his partners but did he really Love them. Or did they really Love him. not whole heartdly @ the very least. one year after graduation he found her. A girl that would change his life, for better and for worse… some times he dosn’t even know wich more of. Jessica is short in a tall way, Her face was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. her scent was invigorating to his mind. her choice of words left him weak, confused, wondering, all way’s questoning. and for a 3rd place national college debate champion, that didn’t come easy. her blunt honest nature kept him on the edge and made him feel so alive. Shy at first but soon they became the closest of friends. November mithc moves out of his parents house to an apt on the other side of town. “jessica’s side of town” away from the druged out friends and the same old bull shit he grew up with his whole life… it was a new start a fresh start and mitch tasted for the first time freedom, responsability and he soon grew up very fast. jessa anxiouse to move out as well decided it would be well for her to move in too. sharring a room wouldn’t be akward for the two. Jessica’s boyfriend didn’t even mind when she told him the new’s… little by little her belongings began to make there way to the apt. Pots & Pan’s, Glasses, Ashtray’s, Record Player, DVD’s, Cloths, and an asortment of bath towl’s & hair pins. never fully moved jessica lived out of a backpak between 3 houses Anthony’s “her b/f” her home and of course the Apt. thanksgiving approached and jessica had invited mitch to her house to spend the holiday. Mitch was vry happy and nervouse but will rember that day for the rest of his life. Driving back to the apartment away from jessica’s home… jessa leading the way thru the sunset fall streets weaving from lane to lane american spirit’s ash’d out the window “blue pak” it was one of the most carefree moment’s he’d ever had. the month went buy and friends began to question if they were a couple. Mitch allway’s replyin no of course not she has a boyfriend, mithc’s closest friends knew how he felt for her. and were jealouse of his zeal. How they wanted to feel so alive and complete by just being arround some one not with them. you could not find one with out the other for very long and soon mithc’s friends stoped seing him as much and when they did all they heard were story’s of him and jessica… what fun they had gotten themself’s into the nite prior. rockstar and nitro go a full tank of gass 2 pak’s of american sprits all the FAv cd’s and the two friends would stay out untill the sun burned there eye’s. week’s @ end mitch didn’t see the day light and only lived at nite. Mitch saw a change in himself… he took better care of his life. a feeling that made him happy for the change. His taste in music and Spiritual & religiouse belifes altered slightly durring the 4 month’s of friendship with jessica He loved the changes so much that he loved jessica so much. Mitch became another victem of Talor Brown. with A love mitch had never felt, heard about, knew existed he pursued a loving relationship with jessica that could not work. Not for the both of them. With the knowledge that it couldn’t work. he knew in his heart that it must. Why else would he feel this way. How else could he feel this way. surley this is true love surley this is not fake.
Jessica had been with anthony 2 years. 2 years of love and commitment can not be taken away by petty fighting and the foolish love from a friend of 4 months. all mithc knew is that his love for her was so grand and so real that he could treat her exactly how she wanted to be treated. she would never be sad b/c her b/f didn’t comment on her new outfit or be honest with her when she was pixing out a new skirt. jessica wouldn’t ever have to worry about not getting kissed. Or getting fucked when she needed to get off. mitch knew that he could never tier of her and would allway’s make her happy.
x-mas came and the two spent x-mas eve and x-mas day 2gether the two knew each other inside and out know and both had come to call themselfs best of friends. jessica belived her to be mithc’s very 1st bestfriend. wether or not this is true mitch was so excited with the idea that he agreed and thought deep in this. In this realization that she was correct he needed to stop loving her as a lover and began to love her even more as a friend. it is not easy to do that. but it is what he wanted. Mitch did not want to be another jimmy who had to run away from jessa b/c he could not get the same love in return. Mithc WAS not one of thoes people… mitchalyn was Jessicas bestfriend. With a best friend like her why sweat the small stuff. So mitch had to “get over” jessica… but how… he tried to lie to her and tell her he was over her. he even went as far as fucking easy blond sluts by the name of jackie to try and get over her. But all he did was hurt himself… untill he did what he had to… he had to get away from jessica. How could he do that… By this time he knew jessica very well. he knew her boyfriend Anthony very well. he knew how she reactes to certin problems and what he must do…

first… Fake a Drunken Suicide
second… Let her see all of the unhealthy emotions that annoyed her like mitch loving her “oh she hated that one, only because it was unfair to them both… jessica wanted a friendship as did mitch but mitch lusted for a loving relationship which jessa could not give this frustrated jessica and led her to question mitch’s motives like… did he do that for me b/c he is my friend or because he is in love with me… " why couldn’t it have been both” looking back on it now… there is no way to tell… i only feel what i feel @ this moment…

with these things in motion mitch did something he know does not regret but wonders if there was another way. he was never drunk that nite, he never took more than 3 pills and a mouthfull of vodka. jessica moved her belongings back to her house… in fear that mitch might try something like that again… he had gone to far. Mitch felt the worse loss he has ever felt… unstable and tearful he got better. determined never to love jessica that way again. All he wanted was his bestfriend “no strings attatched” he fears now he might of lost her 4ever. His plan did work thou… the pain of loosing jessalyn was so powerful. just as powerful as his love for her once was… the pain of loss was eqaully great. He did not go threw that BS to go threw it again… JJB is the best friend a person could ask for.

all i did was what i had to. you deserved it as much as i did. please dont hide your feelings anymore. were we lying to each other when we claimed to be each other’s best friend. Fuck no we wern’t. From the moment we met we/you knew there was a deep connection between the two of us… hey jessa you know what time it is… that “Big” thing i knew was going to happen in 3 months… LOL hey it happend im over ya…

If it is time for us to part our way’s. lets leave on good terms

<3 Mitchalyn Carpenter

“im not a tire damnit”