I just don’t think you understand that after so many years of being in the jail of my own mind trapped under insecurities, etc. and so much other shit, that I am more free now than I have ever been and will never go back to being enslaved; to sell out or buy in to bullshit just to get a job, to settle for this crap they call society unless I have a wife and kids to make it worth while. Responsibility is responsibility after all. It doesn’t matter if I’m homeless or living in a mansion, in jail as a criminal or not a mark on my record, I’m more free than most people could ever even know. Free spiritually, free mentally, free physically. As free as I choose to be.
Here’s a tip: don’t try to save me. I don’t need saving. Besides, what other than selfish reasons would you save me? Would you save me to endure pain and suffering of a different variety in a different strain and call it living? Misery doth love company. When we all die at the end of our lives, what then do you save me from or for? If our afterlives are filled with just as much of what is all around us in life, what then are you saving me from and for?
I’m a King, not just a jester in a hat with a red nose. I’ll be a King while homeless, while marked as a criminal. I’ll be a King whether alive or dead. It’s just who I am.
You think I chose it? You think it wasn’t forced on me? I just make the best of it. I don’t sit there whining and bitching and crying about every single aspect of it that I don’t like. It’s like I told Zoot… it’s a lot darker than I make it out to be, even a lot darker than I see it to be at times, but I make the fucking best of it and I don’t let it get me down because that is the key to success regardless of how you measure success with money and career or anything else.
I’m just telling you that I have seen countless lives wasted through prolonged drug usage but if your desire is to do just that it’s your prerogative most certainly.
Me much better? Most certainly not but I am not foolish enough to go out intentionally living in the gutter immersing myself in drugs describing it as some sort of virtuous noble lifestyle either.
Do what you want. Come to me in eight years and tell me if you still feel the same. I doubt that you will.
You act as if I suddenly became an addict or am just like every other person. I got my head on straight before ever trying meth and all the other drugs I’ve tried since being homeless. All I really said is that drugs and alcohol aren’t the problem just like guns arent, but the people that use them. I’m not making doing drugs seem like a noble thing, just that noble things can still be done with them, especially when negative stereotypes exist and people exemplify them. They somewhat alter my perception of reality but it ISaturday still reality that I’m perceiving. I’m still a calm and mellow person even on meth. Spending years putting my add in check helps a lot. You can talk shit all you want, but I do own superior knowledge on the subject.
