Well last resort, restart. In a hospital. Wanted to publish a journal. Like alway an unstoppable urge to write.
This will be my imaginary friend, to whom I can talk to, finally, cry my heart out, like Lesley Gore says. You are all my illusive friends, you know how entirely mean it is to cry that party is mine.
I don’t have to name all of you , as you are an image in mind, ( just had an interruption a cleaning lady came in to mop up.
She was mopping up, as my daughter calls she heard the news bla bla blah, and that she is worried about Shirelll, she may be taking it not so well. So when does the neurologist come in to tell of the particulars . Such as what now after a stroke, blah blah blah.
A guy who may be planted here to cheer things up, talks like this:
“THIS FEELS LIKE A PRISON IN HERE AND A BOUT ABOUT HIS BABY IN SANDIEGI.
And the daughter concludes the conversation with, we’re going to San Diego with my friend , to celebrate her birthday , and I feel the special guilt reserved for her. I say my. Apologies masking that immense weighed down guil which props up the exclamation of why me?
The suddenly remember that magical deal, that brought us together, ergo our soles, and go for it. to excise it for her as much as fir me.
We do the Sutra every day she’ll , assuredly, oh I wish I had an old grand dad sbut right now, not literally of course , for this crazy magical lice that some mistake for fxxk, …
But the ex he of the tiger’s sin so brightly, as when all weeping sullied childs of god( smiling down cherubim like no other time or place in creation.
As she speaks my daughter, is she strong enough to weather her brothers suicide, and sisters OD, I tell myself I need to keep it together, unlike him my little sweet son, who placing so much trust in. Me, going to his therapy, ..and denying me, denying to let. In myself the fact I’ve been so screwed up all my life that dad did unto me, as old granddad to him, down the line and life goes in.
About Jack, Kerouac. I am up one notch the better than him denying his link genetically speaking fro his daughter JN Kerouac, breaks his hear, I bet, at least me more like Thomas Mann in a magicallmyteey tour like the Wittgenstein brothers, taking an off handed sacrifice for art’s sake, and maybe to Baal as well.
I dunno. She leaves with promise not to tell mom, although she knows by now, inspire for my humble prayers for strength.
She says call me as soon as the neurologist gets there and put me on 3 way converse, for she is a lawyer and a nurse, and she’d like to share. Again the pangs of guil.
Now comes the sutra, will do not just for me but theee poor patients all around, some coherent, others not so much. The Mystic Law will do something, you gotta have faith, absolutely,
(Does absolute dissect to abs Latin for out of, and solute, = a solution out of? Or, am I the only one?)
Faith.
I’ll do this journal as long as possible, boy this need to write, it’s some thin.