I fucking love this song - for its mood, its lyrics, its technical mastery, and its buildup to nothing. It’s amazing what comes through in a “song”. It feels so passive aggressive and self-destructive and ultimately pointless. I’m not exactly going through the hell of recovering from drug addiction, but I am very aware of my own self-destructive tendencies. And all I want to do is understand why.
now I just stare into the sun
and I see everything I’ve done
I think I could have been someone
but I can’t stop what has begun
when everything is said and done
and there is no place left to run
I think I used to be someone
now I just stare into the sun
Withdrawing from drugs isn’t as bad as they make it out to be. The thing is, most people who fall deep into them are the unaccountable, whiny, need to be babied emotionally types. It’s just like being sick for a few days. Nothing major barring the harshest cases.
I fall into that category, apparently.
Thing is, I wouldn’t trade one µs of my titty milk perspective for even a glimpse of some big boy accountability. My ignorance/winy train of thought has led me to an understanding very few individuals will ever have the opportunity to experience, and for that I will not apologize. Wishful thinking?
Eh, it’s possible to like these bands until you actually have to be a responsible and functioning adult supporting others. Then you realise that the pov this stuff emphasizes is (a) pointless and (b) unhelpful.
When you’re single you can be as pessimistic and dark as you like. But just try that when you’re around the wife and kids. “Yeah, no breakfast today kiddos, cos life is like full of pain, darkness, and meaninglessnessness. Suck it up and fuck the system too.”
i guess i see your point - but surely the occasional foray into darkness and pessimism in the form of a song can’t be all bad, even for a supporter of others?
i was going to say there’s more to life than having kids, but i guess when you actually have kids that’s not really true - at least that’s the impression i get
Makes sense, Tab. The introspection and soul-searching thing is best done before the family and kids thing, or at least it should probably be kept to a minimum.
I think I am my own worst enemy. Over thinking and over analyzing makes me indecisive. It also sort of saps my motivation to accomplish anything tangible. Not good for most social situations…and not good for life in general. Although it isn’t obvious to people who know me (excepting a few close friends and family), I have often struggled socially and more recently in deciding what to do after school. On the other hand, the disposition to take so much into account and spend so much time probing and thinking has led to some great insights and, naturally, philosophy. Through high school and college, I rode the expectations of others like catching a wave. I was very involved and, by all accounts, I accomplished a lot in college - council of majors president, editor of undergraduate research journal, scholarship, study abroad, I was a student speaker for convocation one year, double major, magna cum laude, etc. I mean I wanted these things, but I never felt like my heart was really in any of it. When I was younger every day was crazy and exciting and the world was my sandbox. I remember vividly how it felt. It’s like the passion died. It flares up every once in awhile but I can’t sustain it. Something is always holding me back = I am always holding me back. And so, while there are some really good times, my adult life has mostly been blasé and frustrating. I used to have enthusiasm and motivation…maybe I chased it all away with my insufferable over analysis. So sometimes it’s nice to indulge in this shared feeling of self-destruction and meaninglessness - which is what I get from the song.
I’m glad - in some weird way - that it’s not just me then. How did you get out of it - is it like at a certain age you just get over it and it all seems silly and you’re able to get on with things?
Well I found a woman who was much brighter and her light showed me the way so to speak. So not everyone may be so lucky, huh? But I do enjoy that period nonetheless, there is something about traveling deep down to the abyss as far as you can go, then coming back to speak of it. I guess it makes you appreciate things much more than you were if you never had a reason to not appreciate things so much. To hell and back I guess; I am wiser and stronger of course, I expect the same from anyone who goes down that path. Unless of course, you’re a failure. I don’t think that would stand given your prior history of excellence.
