Too much for me to handle.
I’m so scared of what’s coming,
That I want to make it happen now,
Just to get it over with.
I’m going to fear the unknown,
And kill myself with fear.
I am fear.
Fear, the pheonix of lacking.
I’m going to stop the fear,
By facing it.
I’m tiered of being affraid of death.
I’m going to kill myself right now!
I’m going to face my fears once and for all.
~
Have you ever seen this happening inside of someone’s heart before?
It happens more often then I like it to.
I was just talking to a friend of mine, who’s got a similar problem.
The defenses, the military of the nation, can be used to destroy and kill the public.
The defense take on another form: Fear.
They can also destroy those which they were meant to protect.
The plight of imoderate, misguided forces is upon humanity.
dude dan, I fucken hear ya. Life is a serious bitch sometimes, no two ways about it. Laughing has drowned my fears when I’m lucky, but life can seriously suck at times.
“(Despite all their struggles to keep from dying, other animals do not dread death, because they are not aware of themselves as alive.)”
^
I would say that they are aware of themselves as alive, but they do not have large enough brains to have long-term foresight.
Imagining terrible things is like having a night mare. The heart reacts inside of the chest, almost as if it was real. The same happens when we see something on the TV. Whether we see the images outside of us, or we see the images inside of our dreams, the instinct always reacts to the images concieved.
Any animal which can imagine dieing – can terrify itself.
“Now we see what the Ego is composed of: death terror. The irony here is that the death terror which is the Ego defends only itself.”
Wow, that was a short one. dictionary.reference.com/search?q=ego&db=*
When I look at them, I realize that I am not them, and they are not me. We are each unique persons, with our own hopes and dreams. I have judged myself, thus I have self-control and self-awareness. I am the ego. Do not sacrifice me to your gods. Do not use me as the scape-goat. I’m not the one to blame for pain. Don’t try to escape the reality of this… You’re going insane! Stop it! Stop!!! Unhand me!
[and then the room was silant. The inner eye went blind. The ego died, and its corpse keeped on moving.]
I know that allot of “holy men” were willing to set different parts of themselves out on the chopping block so that they could spair their idealisms, but really, I don’t like Buddha. “Infinite compassion”? You wish. Drastically mild and submissive attitudes aren’t needed within the common people. The basterds at the top of the food chain will ignore the slave morality at the bottom, and the “I’m so sorry, I’m not going to be selfish anymore” attitudes just make the people at the bottom an easier piece of meat to consume.
Yeah, I don’t like Buddha, Moses, Mohhamad or Jesus Christ.
They were all philosophers of ethics, trying to dictate a solid code of conduct and a magickal world-view. As I’ve said at another thread, idealism injures reality.
Ethics can live without dogma.
If I want to do what works best right now in this situation, I shouldn’t be looking back to some wonderful dead person’s words about no alchohol or sex. I should instead be thinking about the very best and most practical actions given the current situation.
^
This is an example of adamance vs versatility.
Yes, I’ve taken the left. Ego stops more suffering then it causes. Ego can exist without terror. Each person’s ego is a real thing. Self-estime is a virtue.
Allot of the “spiritual progress” in the slave-ethics of most religions is a form of instinct-abortion.
I didn’t like that Buddhist anti-ego jazz, really.
~
“but life can seriously suck at times.”
Yeah…
You know… I found one creature in an underworld once… I noticed its arms from the bottom-right corner of my preception. It seemed to want help. My energy reached out like a mass of roots, as I deeply attached the fibers of my influance to its body, then I began to pull up as hard as I could, pulling it up out of its underworld.
Its body stretched. It screamed.
I then had to possess its body and alter it in some ways, disconnecting it from allot of things which it was attached to. Finally, I brought it up to a more familiar plane of existence…
It felt so cold, so empty, so numb, and so-so distant…
I tried to teach it how to feed itself…
Eventually taking it into a forest, in which the bio-energy of the plants could be consumed, I left it there…
I’ve wondered more then once – what it was.
Perhaps this one had experienced a second-death?
It was a “shell”, empty, almost as if it were nothing.
If I hadn’t disconnected it from the underworld, it would not have had the strength to disconnect itself.
It was an ancient soul which had mutated and distorted, deeply lacking, but still somehow surviving.
I still don’t know what it was, but it had something like a human shape…
I suspect that after the physical death, if the spirit was to die again, it’s third existence would be far worse then the first.
Well I was talking to one of my friends last night who had passed issues of suicidal thoughts/feelings, so I wanted to empathically write down some stuff about it here.
I’ve got more then a couple of suicidal friends, and I just wanted to write something down about the feeling.
~
Everything I ever say or do: to/for/with anyone is indirectly a call for attention. When you talk to me, you call for my attention.
If you’re wondering about whether or not I have “enough attention”, probably not, in the physical world, but may I remind you that hardly anyone has an ideal amount of attention or encouragement for anything.
you know, as cheesy as it might sound, what has helped me in life is obsessions.
When I was in junior high, i was pretty low on life, and then I became obsessed with skateboarding. It was all I ever did, day and night.
I think your obsession should include mental and physical stimulation. A mental obsession can get boring real fast, and you need some of the chemicals released in your brain when your body is moving. Call in sick, and just do it every day, don’t do your laundry, don’t do anything but your obsession.
sounds cheesy, but it is what has given me my best moments.
The normal human protocal for all “help” in a personal chrisis of any sort is this:
“Be more like me.”
And whether you’re in hell or on a high, their simple program re-runs itself again and again.
“Be more like me.”
It’s the cure-all.
Wow.
So useful.
Here, have my opinions. Become more like me, and then you’ll be fine.
Most forms of emotional hardship are passing. They naturally fade away by themselfs, and a bombardment of conformist suggestions and thoughtless concern doesn’t do much for the problem.
No, I’m not insulting anyone, but hopefully you could learn a few things from what I’m telling you here.
Conformity is not a solution.
“You need to get up and do things.”
That’s about the most fucked “answer” anyone could ever give to a question, because it is escapism.
Sure, some people have self-inflicted emotional pain because of them using spair time against themselves, but that’s not a constant. More often, people use their free time to relax and have peace.
“Get a job” “answers” are completely besides the point.
If someone realizes how fucked up everything in their life, society or planet was, it would take some time for their minds to sort out how to view it all. Suggestions for actions are just more work for the alread-overwhelmed mind or heart.
Don’t suggest more work or changes to anyone who is already overwhelemed. Don’t tell them to do more shit if they already have too much on their existential plate.
And I don’t need to apolagize, either.
Distrations are about as good as ignorance or insanity, each blankets over the issue and burries it deeper within, so that the problem can spread and rot.
it was just my opinion for christ sake. Of course people’s opinions are going to reflect what works for them. Jesus, stop being a jack ass snaping turtle
I am NOT talking about escapism, I am talking about fucking personal purpose. (I found that in skateboarding and music) There is a difference. I am not suggesting people do things that overwhelm them more, I never said that. I just mean, that people don’t do what they really want with their lives, and that is why they are miserable. I have given up a paid scholarship to study sociology, given up money to go to business school by my god mother, to be poor and drink beer and skateboard all day and into the wee hours of the night at old business complexes, because that is what makes me incredibly happy. All I am suggesting is people do whatever they need to do to be happy, or if they want to be miserable, fine, I don’t give a fuck.
You say that doing things are blanketing the issue burried deep beneath, Ok, that may be true for some people that have deep issues in their past, but after they have dealt with those things, then all you have left is the “human condition” which we all have. To sit around and think about that all day, is bullshit. Your body was meant to move, it at least makes me happy. Oh, there i go again, “be like me.” I guess, it is best if we just stop trying to help each other.
Also, don’t bite the hand that feeds you. I was giving my opinion kindly to a post you started . . . Please don’t be hostile to me, I don’t like people yelling at me physically or thru words.
I want to tell you some other things that start with the letter F, but I won’t because I want to stay on this forum.
(I wrote the ~ sign because I’ve heard that’s what keeps you sane)
I’ll tell you what. I wrote something for ya today. It’s about what I like in you. But it’s nothing personal, will you believe. I liked it (the text) so much, that I kept it for myself. I’m a fucked-up. I did want to give you the shit like “be more like me”, instead. Thankfully, had to go and pick up my ex and couldn’t send the shit before. That I liked it, the new text, is of no doubt, but it was mere lingustic exhibit. For myself, rather, then. The text for you is here, dear:
Nothing exists.
Everything is.
One becomes Christian when one believes.
One doesn’t have to be a buddhist to be oneself.
One doesn’t have to be a humanist to be a human.
One doesn’t have to be anyone at all to be oneself.
I’m trying hard to be something.
I don’t believe myself.
I lose identity.
I don’t know what I am.
I believe no one.
I trust myself.
The nature of all things is void.
The things are.
The self is worth having.
One is oneself.
I am myself.
I feel good with myself.
I feel fine with the way things are.
If you say Fuck you, I say Fuck you to you. Nothing personal, really.
(last one extra)
Shit with you. Or anything else with which you associate your childhood. The only time in your life when you just believe and don’t worry about yourself. Some even didn’t have one. That’s it.