TO ALL MEN FROM HER BESSINESS OF THE SUBURBS!

Social Forums Non-Philosophical Chat
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This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

  1. Pass My Shotgun
  2. Psychotic Mood Shift
  3. Perpetual Munching Spree
  4. Puffy Mid-Section
  5. People Make me Sick
  6. Provide Me with Sweets
  7. Pardon My Sobbing
  8. Pimples May Surface
  9. Pass My Sweatpants
  10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
  11. Plainly; Men Suck
  12. Pack My Stuff…And my favorite one…
  13. Potential Murder Suspect

:laughing: :laughing:

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UltraUltra Safe: Here. why don’t I run the shower, you’re getting fat and you smell like chocolate.

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:laughing: Better have a male-user-manual too…

DANGEROUS: We’re going to the shopping centre.
SAFER: Could you drop me off at the shopping centre…?
SAFEST: Hey, I did all the shopping…!
ULTRASAFE: What do you think of my new edible knickers…?

DANGEROUS: My parents are coming to stay for a week.
SAFER: Hmm… Do you mind if my parents come to visit…?
SAFEST: My parents want to take us to the Victoria’s Secret show.
ULTRASAFE: You go to the Victoria’s Secret show - I’ll look after my parents.

DANGEROUS: We’re buying a station wagon
SAFER: Er… We need something practical to drive the family around in.
SAFEST: Well, I suppose we could all squeeze in somehow.
ULTRASAFE: Ooh-Ooh !!! Can we have the red one…?

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: Do you think we could hold the extra cheese this time…?
SAFEST: Screw it, we can get it all sucked out later.
ULTRASAFE: I just read an article that says pizza makes you immortal.

DANGEROUS: You just sat on your ass all day, didn’t you…?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that string vest…!
ULTRASAFE: Oops - my clothes fell off.

10 Things Mid-Life-Crisis (MLC) - could stand for:

  1. More loving care.
  2. My lovely Car.
  3. Monkey Love Craving.
  4. Multiple Lover Compulsion.
  5. Mobile Lobotomy Case.
  6. Massive Lack [size=75]of[/size] credibility.
  7. Mighty Lust [size=75]for [/size]Co-Eds.
  8. Morose [size=75]about [/size]Low Calories.
  9. Moaning Lazy Cretin
  10. Miraculous Logical Capabilities.

:wink:

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Excellent, Tab, you really got a chuckle out of me with this.

Bess - great thread. Thanks for the heads up…

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Hands down, best one.

(sigh)Now if this ever happened to me before I heard the infamous, “No, I don’t accept checks for my services honey, this is a cash only business.”

size=200[/size]

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As always Tabs… the best comeback.

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No comebacks are possible without something equally great to rebuff. =D>

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=D>

Good stuff, people.
Mmm… forbidden donut.

-Thirst

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edible knickers!!!

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[size=200]“I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.”
Elayne Boosler [/size]

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Although I usually like to be left alone, there is one girl who I really just want to be around all the time. Unfortunately for me, that probably won’t happen. If it doesn’t, I’ll probably end up as a hermit.

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i see you also have visited the simpson’s website.

P.S.: i never found a good picture of super intendant leopold and probly never will.

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Because you, my sweet… love her.

Drift,

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My God. Bessy - that quote is so true it hurts.

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[size=150]Tip:

The Big Question: Your woman asks, “Do I look fat?”
You hesitate in responding (-10 points)
You reply, “Where?” (-35 points)
Any other response (-20 points)[/size]

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what about: of course not !
or alternatively: don’t worry, i’m still fatter than you !

lol

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Why is it whenever I hear the words ‘School’ and ‘Fire’ I immediately think:

Bes-----sy!

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[size=150]Female Tip:

The Big Question: Your man asks, “Do you still want me?”
You hesitate: (-50 points)
You reply: “You don’t have a shape”, (ignoring the fact that obtuse round, is technically, still a shape) (-75)
You point and laugh: (-115)
Any other reply besides “Do me”: (-17.3*3.168^9)[/size]

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:laughing: :laughing:

[size=200]Male Tip:

Question: your wife asks, “could you talk to me?”
you hesitate: (-100 points)
You reply: “Could you pass me the channel changer?” (-200 points)
Or reply: “What’s the score?” (an additional -200 points)
You don’t look at her at all, but tweek her boob as she is passing by making sure to tell her what fabulous tits she has. (-15,000 points)[/size]

(I am keeping score and the women are winning, btw… ALL WOMEN KEEP SCORE!)

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[b]What’s a man’s definition of a romantic evening?

[size=200]Sex[/size][/b]

Do men have any idea what we would do for them :evilfun: if they would JUST PAY ATTENTION??? :astonished: :astonished: :astonished: