Trip to England

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I am thinking about a trip to the UK in the late autumn -Nov or early Dec. I lack patience with Orbitz and the like. I am wondering if anyone could suggest a “hidden city” in the UK - I don’t have to fly into London, and suppose that this might not be the cheapest way to go. Anywhere I can get a train to the major drinking, er, um, cultural centers of the UK would be fine.

If it matters, I will be flying out of Boston, or perhaps Portland, Maine. I don’t really know how this works. I might check fares from NYC, but I am most interested in what city to perhaps fly into.

I am planning on eating, drinking and hanging out, and wish to do so in a variety of places. So a central location per se is not important. But someplace where I could possibly avoid boiled mutton, overcooked beef and gruel would be nice. Gin is gin, so I am not so worried about that.

Also, I would like to meet Emma Peel. Does anyone know where she lives? First love, you know?

Thank you in advance.

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Liverpool is nice, Manchester is large and mostly grey, Bristol, ah, Bristol has ben in it. Don’t think it has an airport.

Don’t, whatever you do, go to Birmingham. It’ll suck the life out of you. Unless you are into postindustrial economic depression and race riots.

Newcastle is great if you enjoy the company of loose women without a thought in their heads. Going down the east coast - there’s not much there, except farms. Wales is quaint, but there’s not much to do there. It’s like the Lake District, but less developed and they insist on speaking some bizarre language that I’m convinced never actually existed.

The whole of Scotland is right out. Poor, cold, drunken people, and the landscape isn’t much better. Just ask Colin, who lives in the stabbing capital of western Europe.

If you want to get drunk then just about anywhere in Britain will suffice. It’s basically a national sport here, when we realised that it was the only thing we had any chance of beating Australia at - except cricket, rugby and football, but don’t we don’t mention that. Gotta be patronising to the ex-colonies, you see.

If you go to London then you may well me mistaken for a vagrant and promptly shot, or at least filmed on about 6,000 CCTV cameras and watched by countless bored teenagers on the internet for the rest of eternity.

If it’s your cup of tea then you could try out the Dogging scene in whichever area you decide to visit.
swingingheaven.co.uk/swinger … rum/3.html
Dogging is where you either have sex in a public place (usually a car park or similar, as most dogging is car-based) or where you participate with, or just watch a couple at it. It has become a firm part of British culture in the last few years, though I’ve never partaken in it myself.

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Newcastle it is, then!

I do intend to go to London, however.

Speaking of trouble with the law, what are the knife laws there? I usually carry some steel on me. Is that a problem?

I might go to Scotland for a day. Looks good on TV. Not to stab anyone, mind you.

I have no problem with old insutrial towns - I grew up in one. There are plenty in Maine, as well. Not sure I want to get into a race riot, though. Herd mentality, you know?

I don’t think I’ll do much dogging. Too old for those little cars you have over there. I have had plenty of sex in cars - over here we call it “sex in cars”.

Thanks much for the info. I would like to meet Ben, and you, too.

I’ll get back to you after I get a passport. Details, details.

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I know very little about the laws in this country, particularly since New Labour are insistent on changing every single blasted one of them…

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I think I’ll leave the blades at home. Naked as I will feel without them.

I wish we had a central location for loose women with no thoughts. Would make things easier.

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Here’s the UK Loose Women site

Here’s another you might find helpful Britain for Americans

.

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km - if Britain is really that boring, I might just head to Amsterdam instead. One thing I could never understand is why the British spell “humor” as “humour”, since the concept is unkown to them in the first place.

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‘Humour’ is French – which makes it even more perplexing.

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Hilarious!

A

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One thing that I could never understand is how Americans (most of whom can’t even pronounce ‘irony’) could accuse the British of lacking anything in the humour department. We created Monty Python, therefore we are funnier, and the rest of the world can fuck off.

:smiley:

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hahahahaha.

An American once asked me if we travelled by elephant in South Africa. It’s true, I swear.

Yes of course we do.

A

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Bristol has one of the largest international airports in the South, SIATD!

Don’t head north unless you want to see the Lake District, Liverpool, Birmingham, Manchester etc all pretty horrible, go only after you have seen the ‘real’ england which is of course the South. The north is mainly a dark area full of mines and industrial areas with the odd bush or tree sticking out, and men with large beards like SIATD.

From the little I know of you Faust I think you will enjoy the South west, Cornwall, Devon, particularly. If you drop by Oxford be sure to send me a pm.

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Ah well, you live and learn.

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Obw - I have some Manx ancestors - roughly a quarter of them, so I may pass through the SW. I am specifically looking for buxom wenches with ruffled necklines who speak roughly, but have hearts of gold, just like I see on Public Television, which all americans know would not exist without British costume dramas.

And Emma Peel. I assume she lives in London.

saitd - Monty Python? Lots of laughs.

“Yes, well.”

“Right then.”

“Say no more”.

Brilliant dialog.

I will admit you have one funny person over there -

I don’t know her name, but she did a show called (on american PBS, at least) Keeping Up Apperances. She is one of the funniest persons on the planet. Do you know who I mean? Very funny. Yes, well brilliant. Right then - say no more - a comic genius. Could she be canadian?

I do want to see some of that countryside depicted in films like Remains of the Day (a blisteringly boring chickflick made marginally palatable by the american actor Anthony Hopkins and that Brit actress, who is a major babe). Those hedgerows. You have these wonderful hedgerows. It’s the biggest reason to visit - those hedgerows.

Love the hedgerows.

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Then I recommend Devon.

Which Emma Peel?

Americans can’t pronounce dialogue either.

I was expecting my own name to appear but no, you settled on:

Patricia Bloody Routledge.

That film is tosh - the book is much better.

They’re all over the place, outside of cities. Legacy of the Inclosure Act of 1801. I could tell you all sorts of boring stories about hedgerows and how they relate to Acts of Parliament. But you’d never forgive me wasting your time like that, I know how you old hippies are scared that your decrepit lungs are going to give out on you at any second due to years of cannabis abuse.

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faust, Glasgow is well worth a visit, the city is pretty much run on and by drunk people. You’ll have no shortage of beer and madness.

Glasgow people are perhaps one of the friendliest in the U.K. which is at odds with the fact that it is also the stabbing captial of Europe.

Worth a visit, if you’re heading Scotward!

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saitd - the original Emma Peel, of course. Sexiest woman on television.

I take it you’re not a Patricia Routledge fan.

I sense that I am in danger of talking myself into an apreciation of British culture. Except that Python crew. Dull.

Colin - I might just. Is there a train pass thing in Britain, like the europass? Are you part of Europe? Not that it matters. If you’re not part of the US, you are generally in that “other country” category. Just curious.

Or is Scotland like Puerto Rico? The US owns Puerto Rico, but leases it out to Puerto Ricans, I think. Something like that.

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Not so odd Colin when you consider the adage: “A friend will stab you in the front”

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Haha, fair point km2_33: There is a sincerity even in Glaswegian rage perhaps. They won’t stab you in the back.

Faust, Scotland is indeed perhaps of Europe, if you buy a euro rail pass it will be valid in the whole of the U.K.

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why would he want to go to the hole of the U.K.?

-Imp