Brilliant post, IntegraGS-R.
Interesting site, but he lost me after the discussion of the origins of courtly love.
Or, I should say, when it became one part motivational diatribe and one part moral propaganda.
There was a ‘hyperactive sexual desire disorder’ (nymphomania) as recently as the DSM-III, (see http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Auto-Nympho.html); but nowadays most psychologists wouldn’t see promiscuity among women as a disorder in and of itself (though it remains a symptom of many, such as the manic phase of bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder).
Sex is important to us; if we can be said to be programmed to do anything by our biology, it is to seek out sex partners. (That isn’t to say we are programmed to be heterosexual only; mutations happen.)
This business about true love and how obviously empty and morally bankrupt one must be to have sex without it is, frankly, rubbish. What was that sly mention about the saints for, anyway?
It may have hung together better for me if instead of saying “seeking sex out of a need to be loved” he said out of a desire for attention…
Aha… the conclusion seems telling:
(emphasis mine, sort of)
I have never held psychotherapy in very high regard; it is just too subjective.
Why do you say love is an illusion?
I had a thought about sex and illusions. It’s kind of like this- I picture someone I “love†and then imagine never seeing them again, seeing someone beat them, watching them cry, having them scream at me, or seeing them take another lover. The most painful would be to never see them again. If this person were just a friend or a past lover, seeing them in a relationship wouldn’t bother me. I don’t think all of these thoughts are motivated by sex. For example I am friends with my ex and I still love him apparently because Imagining never seeing him again would be as painful as imagining never seeing my current boyfriend. One relationship is highly sexual and one involves nothing sexual at all. I think love is something different.
It looks like I still read and think about the love threads even if I claim to be sick of them.
I disagree with this. I’ve seen a psychologist, one on one, with excellent results – we uhm, yes, did get intimate, but I wouldn’t say perversely. Well, maybe a little – but definitly o.k. by me.
Or they can sublimate into damn good art.
Definitly not in Judaism (sex can bring one closer to god according to the religion). And definitly not in paganism.
i did not say that love was an illusion, the article said so.
So you believe in true love then?
Egregious offense #2
i do, but i delude myself into beleiving so. in truth, i do not know … yet.
Am I a broken record?
Yes. I am. True love is real - but it lasts for about 17 years at which time you (most people) cannot take it another minute. It isn’t a bad thing; nothing to be ashamed of, or guilty… it just IS. Get over the illusion of a soul mate for life. Yes - there are a few that are happy, but most (I said most) can’t do it. And ask anyone together that made it to their 60th anniversary because they usually can’t freaking stand each other
I say love the one you are with and have the balls to leave when it starts to suck. (Seventeen years is about it folks) Enjoy it - and embrace the time you had together. Love at its very best. THEN… go out and find it again for another 17 because — you can and you WILL want to.
[size=75](if you are the one out of 150,000 that disagrees with me, go to creative and write a nice poem, but I broke my ankle yesterday and I am not in the mood to listen to you croon over your lovenest)[/size]
Bessy,
Where do you get the figure 17 years from? Is that how long your love has lasted? Not meaning to be offensive here, just curious.
I’m not sure about this. Most is quite a statement. I can think of at least 4 cases just in my extended family where a marriage has lasted in excess of 17 years. Sure they get annoyed with each other, much in the same way that I used to get annoyed with my brother when I lived with him. But this doesn’t mean that there is no love there.
Again, no offence is intended, but I get the impression that you have had a bad experience and you are extrapolating that bad experience to make a generalisation about “most” of us.
I told you to go to Creative and leave me alone! (Kidding) Honestly, every time I have ever talked to someone who has had any problem - it starts around that time. You know, the kids are suckin the money dry, and becoming teenagers who wear your nerves thin… As craziness would have it, I didn’t have many problems until around 25 years… we were fine, and then we went through some stuff which we are working through. I am not saying you can’t get through it, I am simply stating what I have seen over and over in so many of my friends and their friends. (Yup - it’s about 17 years) Ya get over that hump and you will hit another wall before it is over.
Just for fun, check out your own relationships around that time. It might surprise you how spot on I am with the time frame. No offense taken, really.
Haha I need some more inspiration before I can journey to the Creative Forum!
I’ll admit, I am a bit of a romantic, so I think I’ll continue being a misty eyed, optimistic, young, naive person who is in love. I figure it is more fun that way. Some self delusion can be good 
Thanks for the reply Bessy
Stay that way… I believe in love. I do believe in love - I do believe in love - I do believe in love…
I do.
bessy- i dont agree with you, not one bit. partly because i dont want to, and partly because there is such thing as love that never dies. that is my definition of “true love”, so just because you dont have love that lasts forever, doesnt mean that that is the way it “is”. 
that was sooo pessemistic, and im little!! you cant ruin my purity! WAAAAAH!
(kidding of course, i dont want age prejudice …again…)
Meh. Nobody can tell you what they feel-- they can’t possibly know. If you think you’re in love; you are. If you fret over yourself wondering if you really do or don’t love someone, it won’t do any good. In fact, most things don’t do any good, except eating and sleeping.
G’night.
Oh Babytrees,
I didn’t mean to rain on your little love parade. Love never dies… hon.
[size=150](IN THE MOVIES)[/size]
Real relationships are like this…
hot and steamy
hotter and steamier
luke with lapses of steamy
tepid
frigid…
AN-fuckin-arctica
same
same
same
same
same but buddies
same
same
same
same
hot and steamy, but I was smashed and didn’t remember it
same
same
same
same
same, but pals
same
same
did I say…
same
same
same, brother and sister
same
same
same but a glimmer of something intriguing…
Put it this way… if you can get through the twenty years of “same” and brotherly love, the hot and steamy translates to a virtual blast furnace. I have had glimmers of " blast furnace" so I know it’s coming. (no pun intended) Only then do you know that it was all worth it.
That, my dear ILP daughter, is marriage.
ps… I’ll pay for your trip to London, but you have to promise to not let me drink too much and have a menage a trois with Dunamis and Shyster. 
But see, even with your analogy, the love doesn’t die; it’s still water. It just changes form. A change that’s obviously reversible…
[size=200]DOESNT ANYONE HERE BELEIVE THAT THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES?!?![/size]
Read this embracetrees. Love doesn’t die really - it just changes and,honestly, if you can last the long haul is when you reap the greatest reward. I adore my husband, but this is the longest slump we’ve ever had. I am hanging on by a thread just waiting for the furnace to ignite. It will happen.