TV Drug Commercials

Here is a comedic piece I wrote and posted to my website about year ago. It pokes fun at the unending TV commercials middle-age people in the US are targeted with. I hope it’s appropriate for this forum.

TV Drug Commercials

Recently, oh I’d say in the last 5 to 10 years, there has an explosion of TV commercials targeting middle-age people with drugs. It has become so popular a form of advertising that it’s assuming all the characteristics of an art form.

Because the FCC requires pharmaceutical companies to reveal all contraindications (or in plain language: dangerous things) about their products, they have created a little formula to do this without turning the prospective suckers off too much. They will start out with a voice, usually female, that is sensual, soft, and gentle. She will try to entrance us, to stupefy us, to bewitch, enchant and hook us. But, when it comes to telling us the truth about how unpleasant this drug could be, she suddenly changes the timber, tone and even cadence of her voice. Now, she quickens its pace and rattles through the bad stuff with a matter-of-fact flat tone and she does it quickly, as if hoping you won’t listen or hear this part. And of course, this is intentional. They don’t want you to pay attention to all the bad things this drug X could work on you. It is even more insulting to the intelligence of viewers than the jingle-plagued advertising pitches of the late 50’s and early 60s. Whom do these advertisers think they’re fooling? A question I shouldn’t ask because thousands upon thousands do buy these prescription products. Here is a fictional example of what I’m thinking of:

Maronix for the way you live today. It’s a natural, healthy way to control unusual urges and embarrassing emissions. It works with your body overnight to help regularize your chemistry. Ask your doctor about a sample prescription.

Not for the flipside bad stuff:

You should know that Maronix contains a risk of headache, heartache, ass ache, stomach ache, neck ache, joint ache, and swelling of the knees, internal bleeding, urinary inflammation, diarrhea, eyeball popping, liver quiver, sexual side effects include penis shrinking, and vaginal worts. Studies have shown that certain patients can become apelike if not taken correctly. You should not use Maronix, if you are man, woman or child, Maritian, Klingon, Vulcan, black, white, Chinese or southeast Asian, if you have just taken Maronix and have not heard these instructions, please call our toll-free number at 1-888-294-etc. …Maronix for the way you live today.

Okay, that is an exaggeration but not by much. I have heard some of these commercials try to slip passed us, the most horrifying details. The demographic for television has changed greatly in this country. The aging population that watches TV usually do it after coming home from work during the national news period approximately 5:30 to 6:30 across the nation. And man o’ man that’s when we really get these irritating pitches a plenty. I’ve seen 3 to 4 in a row during any national news half-hour. I expect this will continue until the next group of aging Americans assume economic and political power. The generation X’ers I think they’ve been dubbed. Then we’ll see commercial of different for them as 30 somethings.

Drug companies represent the pinnacle of unethical practices within what is considered the legitimate business world. I hate them.

=D>

I watched a commerical once for something that was supposed to help clogged arteries, but some of the side effects were rare, but a heart attack, non the less, at the end of the list, they blew them off as miniscule and not important when it comes to preventing heart attacks. I never saw the comericial again, though.

Drug company reps should not be allowed to meet with physicians. There needs to be a system of oversight by which only the most informed decisions can be made about the implications of prescribing prescription drugs.
I know a girl who works at a methadone clinic who tells me that the majority of her patients are not there for an addiction to heroin of cocaine, but for prescription drugs which have found thier way into the streets.