voices

[Alexistentialism]

Hello lone soldier, how does it feel out
there in
the desert a
lone? You have
no army. You have expanse. That is the way it is for us.

Your orders came from dead mouths and
rust envelops
lined in
ignited silver. The times are exchanged for one another. You are young

at being Being old, nonsense.
Its your turn to wait in answer.

When your throat turns
outside and
cracks with the sun, remember to send gratitude

for dying a
lone in the sand

because that
is our life.

[xanderman]

Simple yet effective. This twists in my guts like an old bayonet.

[Colinsign]

@Alexistentialism

Hello lone soldier, how does it feel out
there in
the desert a
lone?

Simple introduction…Starting with ‘hello’ is quite random…like the beginning of some letter from some anonymous person i suppose…and why the random break with a-lone at the bottom…to emphasis the first ‘lone’? Interesting typographical placement…even if im not sure why…

You have
no army. You have expanse. That is the way it is for us.

I like the first two lines. Lay it right to us…‘expanse’…hmmm…i wonder, could you find another world with same intention/implication…‘That is the way it is for us’…OK, the whole desert land metaphor for life thing isn’t bad at all…

Your orders came from dead mouths and
rust envelops
lined in
ignited silver. The times are exchanged for one another. You are young

This is agooda! ‘dead mouths’ - i.e. History! Not quite sure about ‘ignited silver’…reference to bombs? bomb powder? bullets? somethng like that?

at being Being old, nonsense.
Its your turn to wait in answer.

I love the line - ‘You are young at being old…’

When your throat turns
outside and
cracks with the sun, remember to send gratitude

for dying a
lone in the sand

because that
is our life.

You bring the poem full circle by finishing with the comaprison to our life…I;m sure you could do it more ‘poetically’ but what do I know…decent little poem…simple…effective…clean it up and tighten…but what do I know…I’m the most sprawling poet of them all…

[Alexistentialism]

thanks for your comments guys. its a rare thing when that happens.

Colinsign:
alone is a lone something. like a lone solider.
and the hello? good point. i don’t know. i like it, but i see what you mean.

your right about the dead mouths. i was thinking of myself and how most words of wisdom i receive come from books or active dialogue sparked from a text.

i included the both death and life because i’ve been heavily immersed in heidegger. being-towards-death…death is a prerequisite for life and vice versa.

thanks again.