Warning Signs That you May have Chosen the Wrong School

The following is a list of warning signs that your choice for post-secondary education may need some rethinking. It is only a rough guide, however. Only you can determine what you want and need from a college or university. But here are twenty caveats for your consideration:

The college doesn’t offer a degree in your chosen major. This is not good, of course, but you can always try to design your own major. Just be aware that if the college offered enough credits in that course of study, someone on the faculty probably would have thought of this already.

You thought it was a School of Music Ed and it turns out to be Ed’s School of Music.

The computer laboratory is in reality a commuter lavatory.

The financial aid office has a nice window display of used jewelry, electric guitars and cameras.

You look again, and suddenly realize that the school’s retention rate is actually a recidivism rate.

Your roommate is majoring in Shop.

Your roommate is flunking Shop.

You find out that the dean of the law school is in the Witness Protection Program.

You ask where the Graduate Job Placement Assistance Office is, and you’re directed to the local Walmart.

Your roommate tells you he can’t go on spring break with you because he’s on the No Fly List.

Your choices to study abroad include Minnesota, and your school is in Wisconsin.

The College Health Services clinic has a window labeled “Methadone Only”.

The student radio station doesn’t carry Rush Limbaugh’s show because Limbaugh thinks the station is too right-wing.

Dorm students are limited to two live chickens per room.

The “healthy alternative” to cafeteria food is a McDonald’s.

The school observes Sharia law.

There’s a tote board on campus tracking “air-quality related lab deaths”.

There isn’t a single dog on campus wearing a bandana around its neck.

Your Psych professor lives in the same undergraduate dorm as you do.

You apply as a transfer student to another school and that school refers you to an open-mic night at a nearby comedy club.

And that’s our list. It should be noted that may of these issues can be overcome with a little effort, and should not automatically sour you on your choice of a school. Sharia law, for instance, can force you into exploring fashion options that you would not otherwise have availed yourself of. At most colleges, students tend to all dress alike, anyway. And Walmart does have some excellent career opportunities, despite the bad press it sometimes gets.

The trick is to keep an open mind, and allow yourself to acclimate to your school’s approach to higher learning before making any rash decisions. The above list is meant only as a guide. Your school might have many or all of these attributes – just remember, in the end, your college education is what you make of it. Keeping a positive attitude is sometimes a challenge when we are confronted with a new environment, but try to be a leader.

So, tie that bandana around that dog’s neck. Spend that semester in Minnesota. And always wear a mask to lab class.

A school boy, eh?

All of them were great, but that was beyond hilarious.

I’m stealing it.

Steal whatever you wish, my friend.

Ahh, they love the Walmart stuff…

Totally ignored my post…

I see how it is Faust. You college philosophers are too “good” for the rest of us. A select bunch you are…

Ummm, Joker…didn’t everyone go to school?

I just thought you were talking about college schools.

I was. But it was comedy, not autobiography.


Read the new blog, all good stuff. Loved the poem.

It was missing the standard fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd tag but I will say that this is the first time I’ve seen you act you age Faust.

Thanks, Pav. You’re opinion means a lot to me.

Xun - that’s sad news, as I am 53. But I know you’re only telling me as a friend.

That is what I mean. I know you are old. But I didn’t think you were fwd:fwd:fwd old.

What does that mean? I wrote this myself.

So you are where these things come from?

It’s comedy, Xun. Just a little comedy.

There’s a couple good ones here. But most of it is a bit simple, brazen—and weak. Almost like: “Your communications professor is a part-time whore”.

Let’s see your list of 20, Monie.

That is a boring trifling list.

1-20: My neighbor-to-be’s dismembered body was found in the parking lot as I drove down from Missouri, turns out the perpetrator was another neighbor-to-be. Word around campus is he used refrigerators around my apartment complex to store parts.

  1. The critical reading and math portions of the SAT and composite ACT scores for the entering class are below 50% of the population.

  2. Your professor was raised in Massacheusetts.

…I’ll think of more as they come to me.

But that first one wasn’t funny. And the second would only be funny to about seven people.

Does everyone realise that this is fiction? Huh? That none of these are true? I want a show of hands…