When I was about 12 or so I watched the movie candyman. It scared me pretty bad but i was ok, and I watched another horror movie after it. Later that night I went to bed, but I was already kinda worrying about candyman, staying in my parents room to long before bed, etc. As soon as I went to bed I started dwelling on it, and soon I was so afraid my body was stiff, but yet very hot… I felt tingling sensations all over and I felt like I had to throwup almost like the flu. I got up to take a tylenol, but it got stuck in my throat because of my little outbreak and I threw up in the sink. I went back to bed the same way… I soon finally fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I didn’t forget that night. I went to have lunch with my dad… I can remember how worried I was about what I had and the movie… I became so obcessive over “mirrors” and this linked me to researching things like “bloody Mary” and “candyman”. And I think I’ve always been a very observant person, and for some reason even when I was twelve the thought of a movie being made soley off the premise of saying words into a mirror would seem ludicrous unless it had some truth… Not to mention I was always pretty gullible.
Anyhow for the next several months this condition consumed me, the thought which I think is a feedback loop, would send me back into the depressive sick feeling. To be quite honest I didn’t care if I lived or died, I was in so much pyschological pain. I didn’t care what anyone thought, only if they had some comforting information about mirrors and stupid things like it. I faced my fears and said those words in the mirror and turned the lights off, how comforting to finally feel it wasn’t real.
However… I learned later my disorder was attached to the attack more than the movie… Whenever I dwell on what happened I can easily… even today at 7 years later… I can spawn that feeling again… and I think it’s a panic attack but I can’t be totally sure. I do know its one of the worse feelings in the world… because you feel your really f$%^ed up. I’d rather pass a kidney stone or give birth… something painful I knew I’d recover from… but there wasn’t an escape from this… the only hope I had was to occupy my mind for a while and try to forget what happened…
I think I soon regressed it. But like I said who knows if something will ever trigger it… I could trigger it i’m sure by wanting that feeling back but God knows I don’t.
I can only explain it as feeling the most lonely as possible, but caring so much for others because you feel at such a vunerable state, having no appetite at all, feeling sick, feeling trapped inside the problem and feeling, as it goes all over your body… and it’s very depressing. I hope my kids never pick up this trait or whatever I have.
Does it sound pretty close to a panic attack or do any of you have any other ideas. Have any of you ever experienced something like this before?
I’ve had some experience with panic attacks before, and the person that I’ve had to watch over was reaaaaally bad and couldn’t take care of themself. They routinely threw up, were in a complete state of delirium, and eventually on multiple occasions had to get taken to the hospital and got hooked up to an IV. It was horrible.
The vomiting sounds familiar, and so does some of the residual stuff…
Maybe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or something? I don’t know, I’m not too experienced, but the whole after-effect malaise that lasted a long time sounds like that.
Physiologically a panic attack is signified by acellerated breathing, increase in heart beat, sweating and hightened snse of touch. Phychologically you will feel afraid, your mind will race to conclusions more and they will always be negetive, you will seek more assurance notably from other people which is why you tend to feel more alone than usual
Ok, hey Club29, I hope you feel better in the near future. I had an anti-mystical experience with marijuana which led to my first panic attack and lots of anxiety over the last few months. I’ve been feeling a lot better lately though, and I’ll mention some tactics that will help you.
What you’re describing sounds like anxiety, with or without panic attacks (If panic attacks, they sound mild). Usually you can know a disease/disorder by the symptoms you have, and by my estimate it looks like you were having bouts of anxiety; panic attacks are as the name indicates, you panic and your amygdala starts up the ‘fight or flight’ response which can feel pretty intense: for myself, my heart started beating faster, I had some chest pain and tensions in my body, I felt light-headed, I felt a shortness of breath, and like I was going to have a heart attack or faint or die. I felt the vulnerable state you mention: I felt like loving everyone and didn’t know why anyone would want to fight about trivial things. I’ve had depression before and it didn’t bother me, but I didn’t like the anxiety or panic attacks much. It’s kind of interesting to see a different shade of reality though.
To help the anxiety:
Try meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, improve your diet/nutrition, have good sleep hygiene/regular schedule, challenge irrational thinking (cognitive-behaviour therapy), try to redevelop a spiritual/religious life, talk to friends and family about it since they’ve likely had similar feelings, and possibly see a psychologist for help (that’s helped me a bit). Also, it sounds like you’re a bit phobic about the Candyman movie; it may help to desensitize yourself to the movie by slowly watching it and refuting the irrational claims the movie makes about mirrors, etc.
Yes it sounds like you may have a panic attack(s) here is the psychiatric definition:
Definition: Unexpected and often repeated episodes of intense fear accompanied by multiple symptoms that may include:
chest pain
heart palpitations
difficulty breathing
dizziness
choking sensations
sweating
tingling
chills
hot flashes
trembling
abdominal distress
feelings of unreality
fear of dying
fear of going insane
These sensations often mimic symptoms of a heart attack or other life-threatening medical conditions.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition (DSM-IV), panic attacks begin abruptly, include four or more symptoms, and reach a peak in 10 minutes. However, the length of time may vary with each individual.
I may try that. It’s weird though, like last time when I posted this I started dwelling on it and it almost came back but I had to keep regressing it. Then for at least the next day it kept coming back up as a recent event and had to regress it again. Even now i’m trying not to think about it.
Watchin the movie again does sound like a good idea, but i’m almost worried about doing that… fear of the unknown kinda thing.
Yeah, I must have not had a panic attack, just high anxiety. I still have it somewhat and I hate it. I can’t just seem to relax and let life happen, I’m too analytical about danger. And yet I’m very gullible about mysterious things. I’ve just never been one to be bull headed, but in this case I’d like to be one that doesn’t believe in supernatural presences of any sort. Just as the mirror thing didn’t go to just candyman but for bloody mary, and alvin swhartz books about mirrors. Seems so much was caught up in mirrors… it’s just a bizarre thing, and my mind wanted to tell me it was real because why the fuck would people use mirrors for scary stories. That’s a question I’d like answered, what is it about mirrors that freak us out. The fact that we see ourselves? Our reflection? My drawing professor told me if I stared in the mirror at myself for a long time I’d freak myself out like he did, some indian tradition or something.
