We Put Our Daughter on the Plane Today...

Social Forums Non-Philosophical Chat
1

…for Germany. She’s a working model and has ‘signed’ with a couple of agencies in Germany, one in Vienna, and one in Copenhagen. Because I’m an Army brat, I’ve lived in Germany for a lot of my growing up years and would like to take my daughter to visit the places where I’ve lived and recall for her what I did and what I learned about myself while we were there. My husband promised both me and our daughter that he was prepared to send me for however long we needed to take. He won’t be able to come along because of our animals–2 dogs, 2 cats and a small parrot.

Now I’m getting trepidatious. I haven’t been away from my husband since we’ve been married. I’d like him to be able to put scenes into my stories–to taste the tastes and smell the smells I remember so well.

And I rely on him. I have a medical condition very much like Parkinson’s. A few nights ago, my legs stopped working–I simply couldn’t move them–and I had to call my husband to lift me up and help me up the stairs to bed. I know it sounds very selfish–that I want him with me for me–but it’s true.

On the other hand, I want to able to share ‘me’ with our daughter. This is the reason for many of my recent posts and threads. I’m not her birth mother, so I don’t share my ‘physical me’ with her. All I can give her is how I’ve tried to raise her–and my memories.

If I do go, it won’t be tomorrow or the next day, so I’ll have time to prepare–I hope.

Maybe it’s just the preparations that give me trepidation? We’ll see.

2

Sounds pretty awesome. My parents are both from a small town in Italy, and I’ve just recently had the chance of touring the country with them, putting the scenes into their stories, as you say. It was a pretty unique experience, and I’m sure it’ll benefit your daughter in ways you can only imagine.

3

Cough up the cash to have the animals boarded and take your husband with you. You can still arrange “just us girls” jaunts. Just drop him off at a beer garden and pick him up later. He won’t mind. That you could double down and have a second or third honeymoon experience here and there is an additional reason to have him tag along. Do it all. Then come home exhausted. The animals will be glad to see you.

4

Thank you, that not only made me laugh but it’s really what I want to do. I’m thinking of asking my nephew to house and animal sit for us. We’d pay him, of course. We’ll see. We have some time.

5

Thank you, w-m. Sharing my memories and putting the backgrounds to them–the scenes–seems to me to be the one major thing I have left to give her. And she wants it.

Now, I have to go and plan it all, without getting too involved in the planning, if you know what I mean. Always look to the future–even if you come home exhausted. :smiley:

Thank you, Tentative.

6

I told my husband, last night, that I really couldn’t think of going off without him. Tonight, at a water commission meeting, I told the president of the commission we might be gone for at least one of the future meetings. My husband concurred–which means we’ll both be going to Europe when the time comes. Te-Dah!

7

=D> Good girl. There will be moments when you wish you had left him the hell home, but you can visit those regrets after the trip and you’re home safe in your own bed. :wink: Have a good time. We don’t get the opportunity for these experiences every day.

8

I hate to put a damper on this beautiful resolution, but tent, I think you just violated a rule in the guy code.

Rule 6 section 9 of the guy code explicitly states: Thou shalt not cock block thine bretheren.

We all know dude was just looking for an excuse to spend some time alone (no offense lizbeth, I’m sure you are a wonderful person. You read beautifully. This issue is just a guy thing). I mean, Pets? You can sanction anyone to take care of your pets. That was simply not the problem.

9

Sandy, you have to take the long view. Lizbeth was looking for some support and only a male could do the pom pom thingy. If she didn’t want him around she could easily arrange an escort/personal assistant person in Germany. Besides, he was probably pouting because he’d have to cook and all he had to look forward to was a water commission meeting. The beer garden was a more promising adventure. So both of them win. He can always take off for a week of fishing or hunting when they get home.

Besides, pets are of paramount importance. Most people like their pets better than the kids and grandkids. You don’t just leave a precious pet with anybody. I mean, what if you board your pet with a petophile? :astonished: Horror of horrors.

And finally, I don’t get the chance to practice gallantry very often. Don’t fret. i’m back to normal.

10

Quick clarification: she wanted him to go. He used the ‘pet’ excuse. The pet excuse. Wife? or pets? Excuse.

The dark places you go. How is Lizbeth supposed to enjoy her trip knowing someone is out there possibly violating her pets? For shame.
I felt a little ashamed laughing at that statement, right before the horror set in. It is worse if you try to imagine it. Way worse. Thanks, tentative.

With a vengeance.

11

rofl. Thank you both.

12

It seems you have the rest covered, but this bit pulled at my heartstrings, so I’ll respond to it in my way.

Lizbeth, I grew up in a similar situation. I’ve never known my biological father. My mother left him before she knew she was pregnant, and made an informed decision to leave him in the dark once she found out. She always told me the truth about my father, and even I cannot regret her decision to keep me from him. He was an evil person. Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. What I’m getting to is that when I was 4 she married a man named William, who fell quite easily into the “father” role in my life. I still remember, and always will, the day she said to me, “Nicole, you can call him ‘Dad’.” I also remember that, at first, it was awkward to give anyone that title, it didn’t feel natural, because I’d never used it before. There were no adoption proceedings, but before long I did think of him as my Dad. He taught me how to tie my shoelaces, he took the training wheels off my first bike (and scared the crap out of me the first time he let my seat go), he made me the coolest tree swing EVER in our backyard, he did all the things Dad’s do for their daughters, and he loved me unconditionally. When they divorced 4 years later, he was still “Dad”. I had visitation with him, every other weekend, for a time, and then not so much for a few years (long story), but I never forgot about him, and apparently he never forgot about me, either. Those few years went by, and then one day he took a chance and called me. I cried when I heard his voice on the phone. I’m 27 now, and on Father’s Day this year, guess who I called?

My point being, Lizbeth, that you needn’t share blood with someone to be their parent, and I’m sure that this girl feels towards you the same way that I feel towards my father, though certainly the details are different. When you step into that parent role with love and understanding, when you do your best to do right by the child while you’re in that role (and even when that role is taken away from you, as in my case), blood doesn’t matter. A parent is not a parent because they spit out a kid, rather it’s actions that make it so.