what am I going through?

Philosophy Forums Psychology and Mind
1

I have surfed this forum on and off once in a while since a very long time. And this is my first time registering here, and this is my first post. So I just want to say hello to everyone. My grammar can be poor. So I don’t mind and infact would be grateful if people took the time to correct me.(I don’t expect you to school me, just offering myself with humility that I’m willing to be scrutinized)

I am not entirely sure how threads are allowed to be made, so I don’t know if my thread is acceptable here. I like reading the opinions of the posters here, and I consider myself a philosopher and I believe only a philosopher, having delved into the vast ocean of philosophy and spent time mentally reflecting over even the most mundane and casual of things in life that are often taken for granted, accepted at face value, mildly glossed over and clung upon tightly as normal by most of humanity might be able to offer me any advise, if at all, that could be valid and worthwhile.

I think that I am suffering from a quater life crisis along with… I know as pompous as I may sound saying this, I feel like I am more of a person who is inherently mentally talented and thus superior over most other people. I believe that I may be a type of person who falls within the range of the potential global elite.

I have seen psychologists in the past. And I have been told that I might be having bi-polar disorder. (I personally doubt so, perhaps mildly so)

However I feel that if I do have psychological problems, it may be something deeper…

I know that I am not “normal” although I am well-aware of what “normal” is.

In order to deal with humans on an everyday basis (although I sense a strong difference between myself and most other people), I observe and mimic popular behaviour in order to “fit in” and get by.

I also have to profess that I make use of people. (but then again, almost pretty much everyone does just this atleast to some degree)

The problem is, I can rarely find a person whom I can relate to on a deep level. I consider myself to be sensitive… and tend to be empathetic more so than others, so I can’t be a “bad” person.

I seek to invest and give myself up for a person, but I find that I cannot find anyone whose behaviour can bring me satisfaction. As a result its really painful for me, if I try to “be myself”, I find that no one can treat the person that I am to the extent that I expect them to.

I think I realized this at a very early age. I would say that I have had a pretty bitter childhood…

I remember that when I was in high/primary school at about 9 years old, I wrote a topical handbook for myself… I assessed my classmates, analyzed their behaviour, made judgements of them and developed ideas on how to best treat them.

I find that in order for me to function even normally I would have to “act” “deliberately” in specific ways, and I find it artificial.

I personally believe that I am goal-oriented and have altruistic tendencies, working for the biological “common good”. So this combined with my higher level of emotional complexity, sensitivity and empathy can’t mean that I am “anti social” or “bad”.

However I will say that I lack a certain level of self-discipline and motivation that are crucial in being driven.

Finally I also have a question. I said “quarter life crisis”, so my age could be anywhere from 19-30s. But what would you guess my age to be as based upon reading this post? (you don’t have to think hard over it, you might wonder and try to rationalize and suspect just because I am asking this out of the blue, and may get carried away in your guessing. I deliberately left this question at the bottom so that as you read my post along you would have formulated an impression already before getting to the end of it.)

2

16 years old is my guess
also, you may have mild autism, based on how you were saying you interact in a sort of calculated way

3

Sounds like growing pains to me, and worrying about normality and alienation is just part of that. What is “normal” anyway? That word seems pretty meaningless these days.

4

You sound totally normal to me dude.

5

I would also place you at the lower end of that bracket.

Firstly, if you are indeed amongst the elite, you need to demonstrate it (firstly to us then the world), otherwise you have no chance of persuading anybody and it just comes across as an egoism. Why do you feel this way?

Secondly, I have to say that it is fine to think in this way, but to actually be in this way ie to act like you think can lead to detachment to society. You’ll probably learn to just sink back into the behaviour you mimic.

6

This is basically what babies do. It’s how we grow from infants to children.

So you expect someone else to be what you expect them to be when you are ‘yourself’? That doesn’t make any sense to me. Why don’t you expect them to be themselves as well, whatever that means?

I think that all members of the global elite, or any social elite whatsoever, are expert in the art of acting. Without it diplomacy is impossible, and since elites are generally made up of people with strong egos, every elite would fall apart if its members did not camouflage their wills with all sorts of unnatural subtleties.

You sound like a Libra with a sun-square moon-Saturn or something. When the riddle is solved can I have your exact birthdate?

In the terms you use to describe ‘crisis’, all of life for most people is a crisis. I would say ‘get over it’, if I didn’t know this is not as easy as that once you’ve started to take it all so seriously.

Welcome to the board, by the way. I didn’t catch any bad grammar.

7

I second that.

Don’t judge yourself by the standards of others - rather judge others by your own standards.

-TTG

8

Sounds like you’re going through your final stage before coming, what I would consider myself, manhood - but from a knowingly intelligent outlook. As far as a mate, I’m not sure its all about happiness, for you, you may want to consider living life comfortably with that you can grow old with.

9

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anomie

What you need to do is countenance some social virtues, and this is best done by going out, socializing, and getting hammered with friends for a few years. In no time you’ll have a state of character fully disposed to be social without forcing it. It basically comes down to what you’re used to. If you’re used to being inside the house all day surfing the web with little contact with other people, then contact with other people will be weird and seem out of place. You’ll know how to act, but it’ll seem like a dance you do…something artificial. If you habituate yourself into being around people more, the dance will feel more natural.

My guess is you’re 22. I base it on nothing but the fact that I would have completely sympathized with what you said when I was that age.

10

I liked your entry so much that I, like you, registered just to respond to it.

First off, you sound eerily like myself when I was a teenager, so much so that I’m going to have to guess you’re between 16-18 years old.
Unfortunately things never got much better for me. There were opportunities that could have led to improvements, but my attempts to act on them failed.
As a clinical psychology graduate student I’ve grown to hate psych-language, thus I fear labeling you anything, and I would recommend you shrug off any labels others put on you.
I grew up very isolated (in the empty fields of Kansas) and also analyzed everyone/thing. Now I live in Los Angeles and if I could light this place on fire I would do it in a passionate heartbeat, but one has to stay sane.
My word of advice (though I know you didn’t ask it)- fuck the outside world. Please, for the love of God, don’t let them touch you. “They” only know how to fill you with self-doubt and cynicism and they will never stop attempting this. Of course, such a radical statement isn’t 100% true. I trust you know that, but it’s this generalization that will keep you safe.
You seem to have plenty of self-motivation in what drives you (not the motivation society says you should have); after all, you claim to be a philosophical person. That alone has to require [i]some[i] motivation, no?
Your intolerance of others may explain the quarter-life crisis. If you have trouble tolerating others than I’m led to assume you don’t have many people in your life, and if you do you probably know your relationship/s aren’t real (due to the obvious fact that you mimic behaviour to “fit in”). You aren’t alone, believe me. Any distress from these two outcomes is normal- unpleasant (and scary at times) but normal. To say it in “G” rated terms “Just keep swimming” … and try not to become a bitter old man like I’m becoming :sunglasses:

PS
So tell us, how old are you?

PPS
You’re writing is fine. Irritation from grammatical errors say more about the people who are irritated by them than the person who made them.

11

i’m gunna guess 19.

my guess is that you cant relate to people because of a lack of social interaction with people your age when you were younger. maybe you grew up without a father…which is probably the case. i think that you’re having a quarter life crisis because you’re starting to have to-, or starting to want to interact with your peers more often
i’m guessing you made that list when you were 9 because you wanted to improve your (failed) interactions (or possibly, lack thereof) with your peers and there isn’t much of a social-you and so you feel artificial when in social situations involving new people.

i think if you gain (social) confidence you’ll be fine. when it comes to really, deeply relating to someone i dont know. i’ve only had 1 friend who i considered on my level intellectually…and happened to be on my level in pretty much all respects (looks, for example). now he’s a shut in with 1 friend (me. and i havent even seen or talked to him in like 6 months)who hasnt been out of his house for any extended period of time for a little over 2 years

ps if you consider yourself so smart maybe you should share that global elite-level opinion in some threads?

12

2-24-1992

tell me about me

13

It does sound like high functioning autism except for the empathetic part. It could be aspberger’s syndrome.

Acting like others can be a useful skill.

I’m going to guess early 20s.

14

I’m annoyed that the guy hasn’t responded, and probably never will.

15

He wanted us to think he was more special.