Okay this is a really long story, but I’ll try to make it short… I went out with a guy for about a year & then I broke up with him because of extensive arguing, but once I did I realized what I did was really dumb because I love him & I realized that I couldn’t live without him… However when we were not dating we still kind of acted like we were I guess friends with benefits && I don’t know if this hurt the relationship, but he promised that he would get back together with me at the end of a sport season that we both participate in. He instead got a girlfriend. He has told me that he loves me, but that I annoy him. I noticed that when he was with his girlfriend he would always look over at me and I notice him constantly looking at me when she isn’t around. we don’t really talk that much anymore, but he has attempted a few times, but I didn’t know how to respond to “hey! what are you looking at laugh” so we haven’t had a decent conversation in a long time. I know that I was the first girl that he actually cared about, his friends have told me, but I don’t know if he wants to be with me or whether he is using this girl to try and forget about me. At first I thought that he was just using me, but then I talked to his friends and they told me how special I was to him…I’m really lost. I mean I want to be with this guy, but I don’t know what to do…I’ve also noticed ever since our relationship he has become crabby and not as “happy” as he use to be…Does this mean he’s changing & maybe that is why he decided not to get back together with me or does this maybe mean that he wants me back?
Something tells me the sex was really good. Was the sex really good? Guys value that. I know girls do, too. But he may be a bit nostalgic about that, and the fact that you allowed the friends with benefits thing. I have been manipulating women for over a quarter of a century, and I can tell you, it might be fun to have an arrangement like that, but a guy will take that over a commitment any time, until he’s about 25, at least. Was probably a bad move, given your present feelings.
If he wants you back, he’ll probably say so. I think he just wants to have sex with you. As soon as you are tempted to say “but no, you don’t understand!” realise that you are hooked, and a sucker, and that you won’t listen to anyone’s advice unless it agrees with what you want. And be prepared to suffer. That’s okay, though. Suffering of the type that you can control yourself is a good thing.
This is going to sound obvious I guess, but I can’t help pointing out the irony of a thread with a name like “What Should I Do… PLEASE HELP” being authored by someone with a name like “Think4Yourself”.
So not the most constructive of observations, I know.
There is usually always something peculiar about first relationships, and this can be particularly confusing when it is only the first relationship for one of the people involved. In any case, if you broke up because of ‘extensive arguing’ then you obviously have compatibility issues. So aside from trying to evaluate his level of emotional maturity, you also need to think about whether you are really as ‘right’ for him, as perhaps he feels ‘right’ for you. Perhaps your problem is lack of communication. There is a point at which you have to know what you want, and he has to know what he wants, and if the two don’t go together than neither should the two of you. By beginning another relationship, this guy is telling me that he is about as confused as he is reckless, and doesn’t really understand what it means to be genuinely considerate for those he supposedly cares about. So whether a part of him secretly wishes he had you back or not, I gotta wonder whether you can’t find someone a little more mature.
Trying to develop a strategy for love is a nearly impossible task. Relationships unfold like a blossom with a thousand petals. Be honest is about the only sure advice. The only way to know what he is thinking or planning is to ask him and trust his answers as best you can. Be true to the feeling of love in your heart, but don’t imagine for a moment that there are any simple solutions. May fortune smile upon ye.
iman cannot be wrong about this, “i am victum of god’s will to love beast”. She gives up the love for beast and turns to love God. Her obvious problem is that there is no god upon earth. She who cannot stand the beast in man has to live alone. A great woman is one who brings the beauty out of the beast, not one who recongnises both but reject beast for beauty. Don’t ask for too much. Women don’t ask for too much, but those start asking, shit happens.
I am of course romanticising.
A great woman is one who makes men surounder and submit in volunarity. Let’s be pragmatic. She woes men by making them woe her. She enjoys it without having to get sweaty. She gets credit cards without having to work hard. This is the way. Men beat other men to earn women. Women beat men. Your boyfriend goes to college in order to beat those who don’t go. What you do? You do not worry about college, you worry about how to handel your boy. You are a matter of domesticity. Do not outstep your the door frame by defiantly trying to do what men does out there, if so you give up womanhood. For what?
If your husband is philosopher, you do not learn philosophy, otherwise you lose the grip on him. The same way, your boyfriend is mucho dumbo, make sure you learn poetry. Yang needs ying, the Dao. So do whatever you can to stay in your part of the circle.
There is only one thing to do , Put aside your fears of rejection and speak from your heart . Nothing can compare to this level of interaction .
This man , You must tell him how you feel instead of all these games . Dont be so self conscious of your reputation , life is short , and you need someone to love , cut through the games and find the man who will treat you right . Contact him straight away and tell him how you feel . You will soon know if he is the one for you . Always Be brave
This is not about games. This is economics. Supply and demand must be identified in order to see if equilibrium can be achieved in the long run. Do you possess what the other needs, is the question. Perhaps you do not even know if the other has what you need. Much speculation of the market spurred up by false advertisement, is cost for no profit. We need to closely examine the balance sheet of the company, as we need to pragnmatically work out the existentiality of the other. Feeling is romance, romance ends up in sentimentality, as a rule.
well, here goes.
the reason that your friendship is crabby is; niether of you are happy with where it is. You both want more from each other so your crabbiness is really frustration. So you annoy him, ask him why. Be prepared to see yourself in an unflattering light, but, that is good because then you can fix what is broken. Invite him out, somewhere private so that you can hash things out.
Fighting only means lack of patience and knowledge of the other. It is a way to learn. Fighting in a relation is normal and can be healthy. fighting is also a control. you may fight because you see things in each other that you want to change but are unwilling to dictate such a change to the other.
what is considered fighting too much? I and my husband fight sometimes once a day and are quite happy with each other and still love each other very much after 21 yrs. Infact we love each other more now then in our beginning.
Its not the fight that probably bothers you it is how the end of the fight is handled I would bet . forget makeup sex that does nothing. Women tend to hold grudges after a fight and men tend to sweep it under the rug. Don’t hold a grudge. That is deadly to your relation. When the fighting is done allow a short cool off time say 10 or 20 minutes then act like the fight did not happen. Act like it is just another conversation, because it really is only that. go kiss him and tell him you love him, and if you are wrong apologize but, under no circumstances push him to apologize if he is wrong, be patient let him do it in his own way and time. An apology can come in many forms other then just words.
So go get yourself that guy, and remember the best loves are never easy and they are never, never boring.
I like this - it smacks of sincerity that you added this almost as an afterthought - the part about loving each other more now than before. You seem to have an excellent marriage, for which you have my respect.
Thanks everyone…I’m still unsure what to do because you all have very good points, but we are currently talking. I think I’ll be taking the friend route and if anything more happens, like getting back together, I guess it happens and I’ll know what to do when it comes up…
.