What this life is...and what is Love?

Philosophy Forums Philosophy
1

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NmWOHuy-o8[/youtube]

Life is a bubbling, beating, bubbling something. A bubbling beating heart. There are millions of these entities, a slimy cacophony, all bubbling and beating at the same time. These entities have needs, water, food, hunger, and love. If they do not get these needs, they begin to turn black, and decay, their beat becomes violent and they begin to suffocate, and secret fluids. This is called pain.

I am one of these entities. I would have not asked to be born had I known what the future would hold. Had I known that I would not be loved outside of being a child, I would have not asked for this. After I started to become an adult, the people around me started to change. Noone loved me anymore. Was this what being mature was about? The only time anyone ever loved me was as a child, and even then only my family loved me. As a child I only had a few real friends, and we never spent time together outside of school. But as an adult, things flatlined. People told me, that people needed to grow up, and act like adults. That the point of life was for people to mature, and to grow. So I guess this is what maturing looks like, a world where everyone is out for themselves and noone loves you!!!

I have heard enough from these hypocrites, these privileged girls with their purses, their manicures, their teas and their bracelets. All they do is talk about love and equality, and treating others right. Yet they do not treat me right! I am always excluded from everything. They want to build their utopia, for themselves, meanwhile while I suffer in pain while they talk about teaching social consciousness!

I have tried so hard. I try so hard to be nice to people and be their friend. They tell me they love me. But then I never hear from them again. They do not even bother to call or even leave a note. They do not care about me. I guarantee they won’t even call me on Thanksgiving or any other holiday. I try and try so hard, but it is futile. I am on a lot of social media websites. My inbox is always zero. I click it with anticipation, hoping one day it will not be zero, but it is zero! My heart is immediately crushed. I want so much to be loved, and I try and try so hard to, I feel like my head is going to bash on the door! But it never happens.

It is so difficult to be utterly unloved. All of the friends you thought cared about you were just lying to you. Noone really cares about you. And yet you look around, and you see everyone around you in happy relationships, saying to each other just how good life is! Well I am not amused. i have pondered on the reason they seem to have no trouble with love, and I do. Was I cursed, was God punishing me for a past life’s sins, crimes I cannot remember? Or was this Satan’s dirty tricks? And then I looked in the mirror.
DCIM0053.jpg
Born genetically male, social doom was already my destiny. I realized that the real reason noone loved me, was because of my looks. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to believe people were so shallow, because everything they had taught me said otherwise. They told me they were accepting of everyone, and loved everyone. Except, everyone but me.

Even though I was genetically male, and society taught me that maleness was cool, and I thought cars were cool, my social behavoir was anything but male. In school I tried to act like the males but I could not climb up the trees they could climb. They were black, but I was only slightly black, so I could only climb a small portion of the tree, before clumsily falling down. I was a klutz, and I realized I had more luck with science than with people. Oddly enough I started to read Klutz brand science books as a child (that was the name of the science book, Klutz).

Once I got older and went through puberty things got weirder. At my school I was the most bullied kid at the school. Things got even better though. Every day boys would molest me and touch my private parts. Even a couple teachers molested me. This was definitely due to rape culture and the Patriachy. If only feminism was around at that time to save me. Honestly though, I’m glad it wasn’t. I developed Stockholm Syndrome and PTSD which was character building. But that’s not all, honestly, being molested turned me on so much. I wish I would have gotten raped. Know thyself. (Sometimes I wonder deep down if most people don’t know themselves, and their own desires. I think a lot of people deceive themselves, especially feminists. Know Thyself is a core tenant of philosophy. The people around us, they are infantile, and their understanding of the universe, is like a fetus.)

But sadly, the molestation would not last. After many years of being subjugated to this I cried out and professed my love to my oppressors. Do you know what they did? They spat in my face, literally, and then told me it was all a joke, and that they never loved me. I cried for only 9 hours. Some say that my tears shook the world, and caused it to flood.

I told myself that I am a conscious person. I am a nice person who follows and obeys the rules. I care about the world, and I want humans and animals to be happy. I make sure to be nice and polite to everyone. I always made sure to say please and thankyou, and purse my lip at all times, as well as suck in my tummy to make myself look less fat. So I did not understand why noone liked me? I looked in the mirror and realised why. It was because I wasn’t pretty enough. My boobs weren’t big enough, and my face wasn’t pretty enough. I was too male. I realized that if I wanted people to genuinely care about me, I had to get rid of my penis, because the penis was evil, and a socially unacceptable product of rape culture. I realised that it was inappropriate of me to even say hi to a woman, until I got my evil penis removed.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21NWphbQm18[/youtube]

However, my desire to abandon my penis started way earlier than that. As a young child I encountered the tabloids at Farmer Jack (before it became Kroger.) They told me amazing stories of ufos and people with sexchanges. I realised that is what I desired the most, to be a beautiful woman. I didn’t really know why, other than the fact it made me feel right. Whenever I’d masturbate, I’d always imagine I was a lesbian girl. Anything else (such as males entering my fantasy) was obtrusive, and offensive. I tried to cut it off with scissors one day, but ironically enough I never had the balls to. My desire to cut off my penis was originally because it just felt good and I wanted to, but after encountering feminism, I realized that not only did it feel good and I wanted to, but I had to in order to become more socially appropriate. I could not understand how guys thought it was okay to walk around with penises all the time! PShhh…they had to get with it! Why was this basic knowledge so alien to them??

Since I had a penis I rationalised that as the fact why noone loved me, and why girls (and even guys) would not go on dates with me. I blamed it on my looks, and when I found out about pheromones, I blamed it on my pheromones. I said to myself…I have a sex drive, therefore I am innappropriate. I should not approach a girl if I have a sex drive, because that is not true love. But then I got to thinking…hmm then how come on TV that’s what all these guy’s do? I started to focus on guy culture. How on earth could guy’s attract women, since guys are inherently ugly and the penis is evil? How did they do it?? I started to research, and I found out why. I released I was not alpha enough, I was not dominate enough. I realized that nice guys do not get laid, but not only that, nice guys do not get loved.

I tried to do more and more research, and it was all so confusing. Feminism told me to be polite to girls, and girls would fall in love with you. But Pick Up Artists told me to be forceful and dominant with girls, and it would turn them on. I did not know what to do, so I did the only rational thing. I did both techniques, and combined them at the same time. I was polite, but in a forceful and dominant way. Girls seemed to like it, and they would give me their number most of the time, and yet, none of them ever fell in love. I could not get anyone to love me, at most, I could get them to sleep with me, but even that was hard. Getting someone, anyone, to love me, or even care me about was downright impossible. This was what being mature was all about, this is what life was all about, waking up in an adult world where noone loves or cares about you, yet talks about how good people they are. I hated this “utopia” of theirs.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVy9DFwT-4o[/youtube]
(if you didn’t catch it in the first 3 seconds, they play a song called “Welcome to the Future” as part of an advertisement for a utopia society, which is now a run down ruins where homeless people live.)

It became infuriating. Like Jack Nicholson’s Joker each day I’d turn on AOL News and read the comments I felt upside-down, slowly waiting to fall into the vat and lose my mind. The comments, were beyond infuriating. I would only hear things about how good life is, and how loving people are, and how it always gets better. I would hear congratulatory remarks about weddings, or hear men brag about how much they got laid. Especially upsetting were the comments that talked about nice people and said that we were all creeps who deserved to be miserable, or that Pick Up Artists were walking garbage just because they wanted to make friends! I did not know if I was a Pick Up Artist because I was no good at Picking Anyone Up (PAU) but I felt intense solidarity with them and I was hurt by such hateful comments. I viewed the entire human race as an evil monster, like a rumor weed, strangling everyone who is not like them, while they build themselves up. I especially couldn’t stand the married couples who told people that relationships and love was unimportant…it was unimportant to them because they already have it! Kind of like the fat kid eating the sandwich, while he tells some starving homeless person that he shouldn’t worry about food so much.
Rumor weed.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJ4jY6jqt-E[/youtube]

Watching porn was obscene, it was beyond obscene, I couldn’t stand how they portrayed a false reality that even PUA’s (Pick Up Artists) would grow to envy. Life was nothing like that…sex was not that easy (except for black people), and for me, even making basic friendships was an uphill battle! So I took my research to the next level. I began encountering people that said the key to finding love, was through money and riches, and not giving people your attention. So I tried that. I told people I was rich and then I left the room. It didn’t work. Then I thought the key was having a big cock, so I walked around with a dildo up my panties. Didn’t work either. I realized that it must be my genetics. I had a black grandma, which made my lineage impure for white people and that white people viewed me as an outcast, and that was why they wanted nothing to do with me. So I hung out with blacks, who didn’t accept me either. So if the key to love wasn’t money, and it wasn’t feigning disinterest and having a life full of hobbies, and it wasn’t genetics, then what was it?

I finally realized the answer at a bar one fateful day. They key to love, was stupidity. I realized, the stupider you are, the more love will come your way. It in of itself was an act of numbing of the mind. Why did all of these jocks have such an easy time? Because they were fucking dumb, or at least dumb when they were drunk. I mean, how else could you explain a thing? You sit at a bar, with a random stranger, while he or she babbles on about inane topics that you don’t care about, like social shit about people you don’t even know and you just have to nod your head and pretend to be interested. The more interested you are, the more “romance” there is…I totally find myself unable to connect with these people and their boring topics, to even contemplate marriage with someone like this is more than enough to drive me over the edge…I don’t see why setting up a play pen would be such a bad idea, we can cherish each other’s bodies without any need to talk to the person, and leave the real love to someone I can make a connection with, which is just about noone. It’s really hard to pretend to like someone who is just an all around bad person, who doesnt care about you, and is over entilted and the only way to get them to notice you is by following PUA steps, and if you make one microexpression out of line they ditch you. But it really all boils down to stupidity. Think about it like this, if you tried to mingle with apes at a zoo, you’d need a PUA (Pick Up Ape) guidebook for that too! You’d have to manipulate them into thinking you are an ape, and one microexpression out of line and you’re done! So isn’t it the same with humans. Being a genius, I will never find love. And with that, I end my story.

The End

Love,
-Trixie

PS. Not even other genius love me, so please don’t recommend that </3 Also, sorry if my writing style resembles the Joker, I apologize if I sound Asian as well, it was unintended, all grandiose narcissists who work as stage showpieces who never got any love sound similar.

2

If one can’t accept themselves, how can they accept others?

[tab]

But you appear to be religious, so you may disagree with the above on those grounds.[/tab]

3

I do accept myself. I am a narcissist. So I don’t know what your advice is. I guess the thanksgiving mood has made us a little dizzy, see?

Phyllo is also wrong, negative feedback leads to narcissism more so than positive feedback. If you feel the whole world hates you, what choice do you have but to be a narcissist?

I suppose its better than the advice I thought I was gonna get, the obligatory “You need to be a friend to get a friend” or “You need to give love to get love”.
Most of the people who say that to me are assholes anyway who never reciprocate, for instance I was the one talking to them trying to befriend them and be nice to them in the first place, and then they give me that advice after months of ignoring me and treating me like crap to try to defend their position, because they are seemingly unconscious of their own actions.

Especially irritating are the neediness police, who say that one must remain stoic whilst in search of love, and deny one’s failures. It’s especially irritating because I am supposed to pretend I’m happy when I’m not, almost like rubbing it in bottling it up like nothing is wrong to the point of lunacy. It teaches people to be deceitful liars. Not only that, but it’s inconsistent as well, because other dating gurus say the opposite, to be as brooding and moody as possible. Fuck em all, I say. You didn’t mention that, so you’re good.

4

You are too entitled. This is your problem.

You also cannot decide whether you are a man or a woman. You present yourself on the Internet as a woman, yet, in reality, you aren’t even transgender. This is deceptive.

You also posted a picture of someone else without actually telling us it’s someone else and not you. The filename says “DCIM0053” suggesting it’s a recent photo you took, but Google reveals it’s a famous picture of some ugly person. Not cool.

You are also a bit too random.

So how can you be loved, Trixie? Not that you should strive to be loved by others, but I am asking you: how can you expect to be loved if you do the above?

That’s not cool.

Be yourself, Trixie.

Not pony. Not woman. Not transgender.

Be yourself.

5

I never said the pic was of me…Did the Wizard of Oz ever say that the floating green head was actually what he looked like? For all we know we could be physically disembodied consciousness’s somewhere.

Pinkie pie is random, yet you say randomness cannot be loved? This is conflicting thing. I cannot understand all of the internet advice these days, its all so confusing. I read advice that people love random people, now I hear Mangus say random is “not cool”. It is cool to me.

You say I am too entitled, and this is problem. Again, it is all so confusing. The internet tells me that you need to act entitled and people will think you are high value and date you. So I do not know. As for me, I do not feel entitled, I feel underprivileged, so I do not know why you say that. When a girl or boy rejects me, I leave it alone, I do not feel entitled to them. Since I have been rejected many times, therefore I feel untitled.

Why must I decide whether I am a man or woman? I like futas, so shouldn’t everyone else. I like science, so shouldn’t anyone else. I am not changing to suit other people, in fact the dating science says not changing to please other’s is attractive, and means I am superior (which I am.) You don’t let your date decide where to go to dinner or eat a movie, you make the choices, so you shouldn’t change yourself to fit the whims of a date, it is weakness. Dating advice says you should challenge your date and not agree and have same tastes on everything. If someone doesn’t like futas, I don’t think they are sexy and they are boring and biased bigots.

You say be yourself, but this is who I am, the great and powerful trixie. Great and powerful trixie only reveals herself at the right time. Real me is not a photograph of me, but what I do, which is to be random and make a joke of things. This is me. For instance, I am a naturally angry person who does things like this. In 2nd grade I submitted a picture of poop to an art gallery. But when I am treated nice, I do nice things, like submit pictures of trains to art galleries.

6

You do not strive to be honest, it’s pretty apparent. “Why be honest?”, you might ask. “Why be anything?”, I would respond.

Take your past, whatever it is, and reinterpret it as necessity. Let it define your life task.

Do not reject it and do not use make-up to cover its reality.

7

I am honest enough…withholding certain truths is not exactly being dishonest. I mean do you go around exposing everything about yourself, especially on the internet? It seems this day and age, people who do not post every last detail about their lives on facebook are viewed as bad people, who aren’t transparent enough for their nosy and oppressive eyes.

To view the past as necessity is rather suffocating. I thought about that before, wondered if I was God and everything had to happen like it did, or wondered if I was the devil and everything had to happen like it did. I feel like my childhood was going like it was supposed to, then some nefarious force took place and altered the intended timeline and things no longer happened ala schedule.

On the other hand, you could argue that my misery, causing the potential destruction of the cosmos, is the cosmic best interest, or that it led me to discover free energy, but I dont buy that because someone would have discovered free energy anyway. All that I’ve learned, my views and philosophy are in vain, unless I am elected supreme leader of the earth, put it that way. WHat I’ve learned from life is that I don’t like humans, and that is a lesson I will never forget, so all of this pain at this point is excessive and not obligatory.

8

You do expose a lot about yourself. And what you expose tends to be contradictory, which is why I say that you are dishonest. You are not merely withholding information.

That you suffer from entitlement is proven by the fact that you spend too much of your time focusing on the fact that you didn’t receive any love. It shows to me that you are incapable of adapting to unloving reality.

You are a narcissist because you cannot accept the reality that noone loves you. You shower yourself with artificial self-referential love in order to hide how much the universe does not love you. Though you do know that it does not love you, you do not really know how little it really loves you.

9

What have I said which is contradictory?

We must first define what is “adapting”. My definition is thriving in the environment. If you put a monkey in a cage with no love, do you expect it to thrive in that reality? It’s ridiculous. Secondly, it’s an unnatural habitat, and I have partially adapted to it, it’s maladaptation. When you adapt to a toxic environment you become degraded. For instance, had I lived life in the wild as a child, like in a log cabin somewhere, I might have been fine, but once you adapt to a toxic environment, you become degraded, and adapted to that environment. This environment is unnatural, not only do they expect you to be fine with being unloved, but they want you to be happy about it too! Whereas in the jungle, you might have been unloved, but you were free to express your angst. And actually, I probably wouldn’t have been unloved in the jungle, because people have a different mindset there. City people have a reputation for being notoriously unapproachable.

Good job trying to push my buttons, Magnus, but your statements can’t be quantified. For instance, if I am the universe, how can I quantify how little it loves me? I mean, Pluto doesn’t love me, the black space 1000 miles away doesn’t love me, but yet, there are not in my consciousnes, so how can I quantify how little “the universe” loves me? I can only quantify it by things I assume are similar to myself, ie. other humans, but I don’t consider the humans in the same way as “the universe”. The universe loved me enough to create me, even if it had no plan of action to create other humans in my image which I could find companionship with.

10

Adaptation means striving towards a goal. If your goal is to be yourself, then adaptation would mean striving to be yourself. Every other movement, then, must be interpreted as a mistake.

We are not talking about evolutionary adaptation. Evolutionary adaptation is a movement towards survival, and that, when set as the main goal, is ignoble.

If your goal is to be yourself then you have to sacrifice everything else for the sake of it, which includes health and survival.

If your goal is to be yourself, then death under any sort of condition, as well as sickness of any sort, as well as reduction of your expectations in general, are to be accepted, not rejected.

The fact that you reject them tells me that you do not want to be yourself.

You want to be happy. You want to be loved. You want to be healthy.

In short, you appear to be a hedonist.

11

i am partially hedonist, partially robot. If my hedonistic needs are not met i do not function. As a teenager i went through life without as much hedonism as everybody else, but eventually there is a build up of unfulfilled needs. I am not as much a hedonist as everyone else, and a bit antisocial and introverted, but i am not a 100 percent introverted solitary person either. there must be balance between hedonism and hyperrationality.

as a teen i told myself everyone around me was stupid for doing drugs and partying, and it helped me cope with never being invited to anything, aka twilight sparkle nerd syndrome. but eventually i come to learn that it is a symptom of powerlessness…if i cannot explore all things of life, such as hedonism, or fulfill my dreams in any way that i want, i am weak, and powerless, helpless to fulfill my desires, and it is infuriating. it is like the people i look down upon having even more power and more satisfaction than me.

12

There is a hierarchy of goals and there is only one goal at the top. Either that goal is freedom/being yourself, or it is ignoble.

The path is linear, and it only becomes non-linear due to necessity.

If your goal is freedom, you do everything to maximize freedom. There is no need to feel any pleasure UNLESS feeling pleasure is the option that will bring you closer to the goal.

13

Well, let us diagnose that heirarchy, my friend.

Perhaps there are other goals, at the very top of the list, which are not ignoble. For instance, what if the primary goal was understanding the universe ( this is actually not my primary goal, but it is for some others, and I would say it is a noble goal.)
The freedom to be yourself, might be a noble goal, usually…but what if the self you are trying to be had badly wired DNA, is inherently unhappy? Then the freedom to be an unhappy self, it would be attaining an ignoble goal. Usually this is not the case though, as animals are usually better off being able to freely mirror their biological instinct.

With that being said, I would be happier with the freedom to obey my hedonistic instinct, which I am denied to by other humans and modernity.

But there is another question, aside from freedom to follow instinct, what other freedoms would I be approaching in discovering the freedom to be myself? What is my true self? How can it be quantified? Is my true self what I dream as? I can quantify my dreams as “good”, but in my dreams I enjoy hockey, but in real life I do not enjoy hockey. In my dream I also have different forms, sometimes male, female, or hermaphrodite. So I guess my true self, is actually in flux, and there is no consistent definition of what it is, other than the potential forms it could have.

So in order to reach the top, you’d have to be free to be your whole self, including your hedonistic self, which means pleasure seeking, as a component to also uniting with your hyperrational self, or other undefined forms of self.

14

It can mean several things.

Perhaps, you are simply becoming aware that you’ve been denying your desire to explore various pleasures. In that case, your interpretation is fine. But it may also mean that you are evading feelings of shame related to your earlier decision not to explore these pleasures, in which case, your interpretation is bad.

15

I do not feel shame anymore. I view love as a hedonistic pursuit, and even though I am more anti social than most people I still need it. I do try to find love but have no luck in the matter. I do not inhibit myself the ability to explore consciously, but perhaps a little subconsciously and autonomously.

It all boils down to this. Imagine you were born in a planet of apes, and you were half human half ape. You would want to be loved, but at the same time, find it difficult to make a connection with them, and be a little bit repulsed by them. Even though you yourself are repulsed, you would be a bit angry because none of the apes even give you a chance. So it is with humans. For instance, you might even try to do some research from PUA books (Pick Up Ape) books at how to “interact” with apes and conduct your body language to attract apes, because these things dont come instinctively, since you are not like the other apes.

16

Every goal other than freedom is ignoble. That does not mean one shouldn’t spend his time trying to understand the universe, it simply means that such a goal must be subordinated to freedom in order to be considered noble.

Generally, many attempts at understanding the universe are ignoble. They are born not out of freedom, but out of lack of freedom.

Freedom is what leads to understanding. Freedom is flexibility. Freedom is sensitivity. It makes people more objective, more caring about the universe, more just towards their surroundings. Not in Christian pretend sense of justice, but in realistic sense of justice.

Surrendering to instincts is unfreedom because it is a form of rigid behavior. The one who surrenders to instincts could not have done otherwise – to pause before an action. It is no less unfreedom than the one who cannot act out his instincts.

As I said earlier, if your main goal is freedom, you will have to strive to accept everything it brings, which includes unhappiness.

A man born unhappy willing to be free must be unhappy. There is no other choice. Everything else and you prove yourself not to be striving for freedom.

You cannot have it both ways. That would be cheating. If freedom means unhappiness and death, then that’s what you have to go through.

17

raritydizzy.jpg
well um. I did have plans for a utopian society, with no rules, which means total freedom, which means that in a utopian society with no rules, people are happy, and because they are happy there is no need for rules. So in that since freedom is a higher pursuit.

But i dont know about all of that other jazz. I mean, there is really no such thing as freedom, we are really just a network of neurons obeying causality. Freedom is said to be when our environment doesnt cause our neurons to behave in patterns averse to its normal inertia. Whether or not our natural neuronal behavoir is good or bad, noble for us or others, has yet to be determined. If someone has the power to disobey their instincts, then whether or not that is noble depends on their goals.

18

Freedom is something you fight for, it’s not a state.

A prisoner of war, for example, is freer than a slave even though slaves tend to have much more freedom in the physical sense of the word. This is because prisoner of war fights for freedom, whereas slaves merely move freely within a limited area.

Utopian society is one such limited area where people are allowed to move freely.

Utopian societies function by sheltering individuals from reality that the universe is flux, meaning, that it requires constant struggle.

19

There is indeed such a thing as freedom becuase there is no such a thing as strict causality.

The universe is flux, fundamentally random.

Everyone suffers randomness, but different people deal with it differently.

To strive for freedom means to manage this randomness in such a way such that when you are reduced to smallness you still retain your identity.

Like how when you make the picture smaller it still is the same picture. It still is the whole picture.

20

Been thinkin’ about this for a while, and you’re still wrong.

The POW Is a one shot deal, he used up his freedom in one fell swoop. When he is in chains he no longer has freedom. He used a larger amount of freedom than the average slave uses, but now its all used up. Now he is less free than the slaves. To say otherwise is purely noetic fantasy, word play, with no connection to temporal reality.

I dont see that the universe is fundamentally random, everything even a roll of dice is caused, but the chain of complexity is too long to map. Also, existence is not random in the sense that we don’t experience nonexistence, therefore existence is bound to exist.

The utopian society is no less a struggle than anything else. Life is part of the universe…how can it struggle against itself? There is no struggle, it is simply being. Nothing needs to be done. If a utopia was made, the organism could be made to embrace the stillness, no need to fight. Okay, now I sound like Diebert.

I still see what you are trying to say, or at least I think I do. You want us to have the flow, the flow as in being in movement, work. The thrill of battle. Something to fight for. The thrill of battle, and the pain which gives the battle it’s weight. If we discovered all the secrets of the universe, what would there be left to do? We would have no more freedom. This is indeed true for the human organism, but perhaps we could create an organism which is at peace with the peace, free to flow within the stillness.