When I was a kid.

Parents didn’t make me go to church.

Never heard of the Holy Spirit or unforgivable sin.

Never had voices.

Never had demonic possessions.

Turned to religion when my panic disorder started.

Had a picture of Jesus in my room.

Read the Bible. Prayed.

Every day just got worse.

I don’t think people truly grasp what happened to my mind.

Most people have panic attacks maybe a few hours every 3 months to a year.

Mine is what’s called a floating state panic disorder…

Meaning it didn’t stop for 15 years.

Religion didn’t fix the panic disorder. Then…. Something happened… the world of spirit hit me.

I was sent to thousands of hell realms over the next 15 years…. So forgive me for being bothered by religion.

The only thing that brought me some measure of peace is what I know now.

And it was a hard fight to bring this information to life.

I’m the only one who could have taught myself.

That’s sad.

One thing I learned from all my trips to thousands upon thousand of hell realms is that relaxation matters.

Relaxation is like a child running down stairs not having to think about it… the subconscious does all the work.

As you grow, walking downstairs may leave your subconscious and you hold handles and walk slowly.

Our subconscious is more efficient than our consciousness.

This is most true when you have no relaxation, thus breath at this time causes thus result. You’re even given a choice… breathe in now and this will happen, breathe one second later and this other thing will happen.

It’s all Sophie’s choice.

Automatic works better than manual.

Once I moved to stick shift, I became fully aware of how evil existence is.

My advice to you…. Pull yourself out of the spirits of others. Manual transmission has massive consequences than running automatic.

If you have relaxation …. feel gratitude.

Nice posts. What was the cause of your original panic disorder?

Let me clarify this.

Once I figured out what blasphemy was.

It’s everything.

I knew that every manual choice would send you to hell forever.

The only manual choices I make anymore is to solve the problem.

And I get better when I sleep on it.

It’s that existence itself is a structural problem for all beings.

You know how mathematicians put a problem beside their bed and sleep on it and wake up with the answer the next morning not knowing how they did it?

It’s that way for spirit too.

The less manual control you use…. The better.

That’s what children do.

Just to clarify. Is this your response to the question: What was the cause of your original panic disorder? :-k

All of this. Actually, I’ll tell you a profound story that creeps me out to this day.

The first time I had sex with a woman and orgasmed inside her…. My panic disorder vanished.

I had a period where my mind was unleashed…

I felt great. That’s when the spirit world hit me a few months later and it all went to shit. Way worse than the panic disorder.

I had no clue things could get worse than the panic disorder.

They get infinitely worse.

I was young back then; I didn’t know about the pleasurable exclusive access problem.

Now I do.

It was an absolute miracle that my first orgasm in a woman made the disorder go away.

If I could teach myself as a younger version of me…

I would not once had sex in my life and the panic disorder would still go away.

I was sensing the no means yes implications of females before I had words for it. I was using sex to heal instead of reason.

Goodnight. Time for bed. Sleep well.

It was funny how this girl and I met.

I invited her to my apartment wanting sex from her…

I escalated right there on the invitation and it made me feel icky and dirty.

Then she turned to me and said, “I have no clue why you haven’t made a move on me yet - you’re kinda weird.

I went for it after that and we started dating.

When I look back on it…. I approach escalated for momentary gain.

It was really fun for me at the time. She suffered a lot and it was excruciating to feel her in my soul.

I had to move across the country, so it didn’t last long.

I wasn’t rich enough to date her.

My spirit has always gone in a different trajectory though…

Women know this more than men because it’s so easy for them… sex means nothing.

Ec, did God become useless as a reliant source at the age of a small child, in retrospect blaming Him as would such a child blame a mother who appears and disappears out of sight, or, was such denial of supernatural sources of power became overt in successive stages to you from an early misperception through the later teen age years? Or maybe that pre-formation into adulthood came in with a bang?

Maybe all of those types mixed into repeated denials, of formation into a larger bubble of all types?

Or maybe, and this is maybe more explorative than a conclusion could be drawn from, maybe existence it’s self plays these additive attempts to reduce the threat of an ongoing reverse eternal reprocessing as something way too threatening, for a being operating under the hope of a recurrence of earlier hope, that faithfully could still grasp at any visibility in the cavern of growing universal darkness?

Could these actions, put on the cosmic stage reflect what David Riesman called the ‘Vanishing Adolescence, with the general anti venom to thwart this process by a hysterical formal reification of ‘The Golden age , and subsequently, the golden age of reason?

This event sounds parallel to the comment of mine above, it appears as if, having a prophetic, cosmic nature, trumps the personal concerns, and is in line with holding genuine compassion over and above of the lower positions, earlier accessible forms of dealing with the powers which can transform the will’s singular manifested pleasure.

Maybe this type of ‘higher rider’ empathy is what gives a child’s pre-firmance into an unwilling, staged complexity, with regrettably painful effects, that become critical of higher sources of reprehensibility.

Do you agree , or do you agree to disagree, ?

Meno. There are higher states of being. I feel everyone and everything.

Have I fucked up? Sure.

If I hurt your feelings by reading this post, I’ll feel it, and maybe be sent to a deeper hell because of my post.

You can gloat while I’m sent to hell.

Do you want to live the life of a hyperempath meno?

Being a child was miraculous.

I’m always trying to get back.

No voices, no council judging. Just a pure freedom.

I’ve worked REALLY hard to bring it back.

It’s called relaxation in the spirit world.

The thing with women is that they do want sex…

But they don’t have to try.

So they overcompensate to feel better about themselves by making everything harder than it needs to be.

Well… in response, I made it even harder.

You have to give a shit to have sex with me.

I took it to the infinite game.

If anyone is hurt by us having sex…. The sex is not for me.

I know the pleasurable exclusive access problem now.

And I know what hell is.

I hurt anytime someone else is hurt and I have no choice but to hurt others merely by living.

I want real life. I want to know when my pleasure is activated that nobody in the infinite all of existence is hurting.

Ec,

I get you and I really sympathize, and my solution of a double take is a pro po, even as if thinking it was not ‘made that way’

Naturally go with it, flow , by as an unseen phenomenon to gurls, as Neil Cassidy used to call them, while pinpointing every single over the bottom less phenomena as merely a hint of self assurance’s presence can tickle their fancy.

Violate that optically allusive need of theirs, well then, it may be double trouble.

Just words to the wise, mind yoy

We know that women demand consent violation to get a man sex.

This is indisputable.

But that’s not the real problem.

The pleasurable exclusive access problem is the root problem.

When you respect a woman’s boundaries; they’ll refuse you.

But that’s just the no means yes problem.

The pleasurable exclusive access problem is experienced by all.

Correlation is not causation.

Not Necessarily, but can be through immaculate conception

In version

All of what?

I’ve just been listening to a Billy Joel track. :slight_smile:

If you want to understand my life…

Understand this…. I want what I want without hurting anyone.

That’s my challenge to all beings.

It’s easy to hurt and be hurt.

Ec, I’m not sure if I wish to understand your life!

Do you?

As I see it: You open your eyes in the morning. Your first thought is for a problem that is on your mind.

You draw back the curtains. The first thing you see is a problem.

And so your day continues.

Eventually, as your problem-filled day reaches its inevitable conclusion, you sleep, perchance to dream - with a number of problems on your mind.

You open your eyes in the morning. Your first thought is for a problem that is on your mind.

You draw back the curtains. The first thing you see is a problem.

And so your day continues.

It takes some understanding! :slight_smile: