Who The Fuck Ate My Hotdog?

Social Forums Non-Philosophical Chat
1

Im off work, sitting at a cafe, looking out a window, typing on one hand on my phone… and I reach over to grab one of the hotdogs I bought… and they are all gone. The wrapper is present, hot dog gone.

This is going to ruin my Captain America movie Im seeing in 40 minutes. I really wanted to eat that. One of these sneaky fuckers here snuck up on me, all ninja like, unwrapped it, ate it…

My start of some really bad next two days off… fucker ate my hotdog, Im being forced to go to a Pittsburg Pirates game tomorrow, and now I’m also expected to go to some damn strip bar… I havent been in one for years, but cant get out cause he is giving me a ride to Pittsburgh and back… just going to be some drink cover-charge, which I dont drink, and some strangely shaped floppy tit chick begging me for money…

If I didnt have to deal with the politics of this involuntary union Im in, I wouldnt have to befriend him to get full time to finish building this camera. Just damn fucking money being soaked up by beer, nasty used up tits, and baseball… and I dont drink, dont watch sports, or waste my money on professional nymphos… yet its happening, thanks to Unions.

Now my hotdog is missing. My fucking hotdog.

This movie better be good. Not like Thor 2… that movie was pure shit.

My hotdog… my hotdog… goodbye, my stolen hotdog. May our future never again cross paths. To sleep, to dream, of hotdogs I will come to know once again.

I wonder if I have enough time to file a police report. If one of these fuckers get up and run, Ill be after them… just like in Cops.

2

One of the more hilarious pieces I’ve read in some time.

3

Do you have any idea how small that toilet seat here in the theater is? When I sat down, I had to stuff toilet paper in the front and stuff my cock down so I could pee and poop at the same time, and when I leaned to the side, toilet almost fell over… the toilet seat was woodland camo… why, I don’t know, is it more reassuring or comfortable to think your shitting in the woods, or do they just want to make sure the deer don’t come in and squat one off too?

And the floor is all sticky… whole damn theater is sticky. Massive area, every inch sticky… are people really that incompetent that they systematically ruined every inch? Or is it just they never mopped the damn thing, and some carnivorous bacterial mat spread everywhere, and the sticky feeling is the enzymes slowly digesting me?

I may not make it to seeing my buddy with Turrets flip the fuck out at the game, I may be gone by then.

4

I ate your fucking hotdog while you weren’t looking.

5

Fucking Nietzscheans… never can trust them.

Thunderstorm outside… so, this day should go well. Jackass probably got out in the open seats for this game.

6

Okay I get it, I had to think about this for a while before I fully understood that you wanted to protect your cock from the toilets bacteria and to not touch it.

Stripjoints are interesting. I had a conversation with a stripper once that started off about wax and voodoo but she was completely off the wall, totally self absorbed and even weirder than a normal above par looking woman. Her tits were fine though and looking pretty untarnished to me.

I’m sorry about your hotdog.

7

Is it just me, or is reading CN the only reason to keep coming back here?

Suck up the loss of your hotdog, ya big baby. Have you ever seen what those things are made of? I’ve seen the fleshy-looking “meat” they put in those things, which has the consistency of a milkshake by the way, being literally poured into vats before being taken to get squirted into some tubing to make your hotdog.

Gross.

8

But they are so goddamn delicious. If anything, CN should conduct a thorough investigation. You may look at his stolen hotdog as just another statistic, but it meant something to him. He clearly loved that hotdog.

9

Same shape and consistency going in the body as comming out, why I love them.

I used to get alot of free lap dances and attention at strip clubs because I would tip every girl 2 dollars a dance, but would only be loyal to one girl, but laid back… its very challenging physically being a stripper, and they need rest too, so they tend to just rest in my lap, drinking my drink I won’t touch… I used to try to earn my money back in private rooms by doing ‘the little man on the trampoline’ where you stretch out your nutsack while your cock lays on it, then bounce it… in my case, it’s The Little Man With A Turtleneck On a Trampoline’.

Anyway… such things are behind me now. I used to be proud I could bang a stripper free, but now… just some little girl who has relationship issues, smells like oil and glitter and has some yeast issues between the flaps, among other things likely growing down there.

Bunch of fucking kids in yellow shirts all around me… some kind of field trip. I did not sleep well last night, and seats are indeed, exposed.

The guy has bad turrets, and is a sloppy glutton… police are going to get called likely.

Pizza is ready… bye.

10

They’ll have hot dogs at the game.

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Yeah, for $10 a piece.

12

If you only eat a couple that’s not so bad. Plus they’re authentic baseball park hot dogs which adds some kind of value I think. Much better than those weird pink hot dogs that poor people eat.

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The resultant case of the squirts may add some value as well. Especially for those plagued by constipation.

14

5th inning, Pirates 4, Giants 3. I almost got hit by a foul ball, it bounced.

Fuck expensive hotdog and liquids, $20 large pizza, thats it.

Sixth inning just started.

15

There’s a shitty minor league team around here that has “thirsty thursdays” where beer is only 1 cent.

16

Im feeling dizzy… road so long, nothing to drink… its so bright, and my skin is so delicate… I gotta shit.

17

Don’t feel bad, it’s a long and winding road, when I was just off of the boat and they asked me out for hot dog I was horrified thinking I am about to consume mans best friend. Now I know better but still, quite a shock,back then, now I know better it’s in the reverse.

18

You can get Ballparks at the grocery store. By the way, I’ve seen what public hotdog stands serve to people. You’ve guessed it, right out of the packaging. :wink:

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As long as they’re not pink.

20

A little bit of food coloring goes a long way.