Why do I suffer?

Why do I suffer and is there an alternative other than death? Death, I believe is a beautiful thing, but for some other reason I know it is not my time yet. So for the time being, why must I suffer? Is suffering my payment for something greater after death? I am not looking for philosophical debate on this one. I am looking for answers.

Everyday I wake up at 7:00 am to goto work. I get off at 5:00 pm and I do whatever untill I goto sleep and then I repeat. I pay taxes, and I have to worry about so many responsibilities. For what? To earn money and continue the relentless, boring cycle? I can’t go on like this. I look at where I will be if I do not goto work and earn money and all I see is more suffering.

I must clearly state that this is not suicidal at all. I have no means of killing myself. I just have a lot of questions that deserve answering.

Do you have anyone to love or who loves you? If you haven’t found love, it is what you need to look for.

Now do you mean I need to find love itself or an object to love or be loved by? Either way, what, actually, is love?

When you feel lost and alone, only another person can fill that. Whether it is a friend or a lover, it is intimacy that you need.

Love is to be vulnerable with another. It takes a leap of faith to do it, but your return will be unforgettable. I live for that.

I understand, but this will not stop my suffering. I am being forced against my will. Even when I try to find peace I find myself fustrated and suffering.

Is it possible to be vulnerable without another?

I have been inside that deep pit, and I understand.

No. Vulnerable is a state of emotional nakedness which requires another to partake. I suggest that you try it. Even sharing your feelings here can help you to find this vulnerable state.

I can agree. I am feeling vulnerable at this very moment. As I told the forum I was suffering I felt vulnerable.

I still cannot grasp the need for another to feel emotionally naked. I would like to think you are right, but I have felt this vulnerableness without another before. Maybe I am wrong.

Good. You may be alone in your room, but not alone now. I am here listening to you, aren’t I?

Yes, but I still must wake up tomorrow to repeat my suffering.

You are indeed in a vulnerable state, but my feeling is that in order to fulfill an emptiness inside you, it would help to share yourself - who you are. You have gifts that you could share with others. That will feed you.

okay, I think that you may want to consider changing your lifestyle - what do you love doing? More than anyting in the world. Be honest.

Music. I play the drums. I am 18, and I have a fulltime job to help pay for college. Actually I am not even in my first year of college yet.

That’s the ticket… you in a band? I’m a musician too. I bet you aren’t right now - which is leading to a hole in your heart. You need to play… and soon. When you do what you love, everything else will come to you… all of it will fall into place - believe me.

Yes, but I am not happy with it. I am not able to express myself how I want to through this band. No other band has presented itself. I was thinking I would find what I am looking for in college where I would eb around people like me.

Well, sometimes you need to be aggressive when you are playing with those that you aren’t in sync with… college will help that. I play the keyboard in a group right now, but played in many groups - just to play, so I know what you mean. Don’t worry… it’s life, buddy. You gotta suffer a little bit, or the good times ahead won’t be as great! You have so much to look forward to - you are just in a slump.

My advice. Start something new. Take piano (ok, I teach it) or an art class, or karate… anything new; shake it up a bit. Try on a new hat or two - it will help.

That is exactly what I mean, though. I am reading a book and it refers to a type of punishment in foreign countries. They tie a man’s hands behind his back and they throw him face first into the water. Before he drowns they pull him out to catch his breath and then they throw him back in to almost drown. The author compares this to life. This is an eastern philosophy book.

Sweetie, get another book. Have you read “The Wisdom of Insecurity?” Very positive, lots of wisdom… also Eastern philosophy. It is by Alan Watts