Why I Am A Christian & How I Fooled ILP This Long!!

Philosophy Forums Religion and Spirituality
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04.01.07.2100

I wanted to save this precious revelation for the right day… and I apologize for it. Regardless, I must now apologize to all the good and decent Christians whom I have slandered for so long… for I too am truly a Christian. I tricked all those “free-thinkers”, “skeptics”, “agnostics”, “atheists”, and whoever else will join Satan on the Day of Judgement. I know you are all confused… why would I spend so much time on ILP posing as some silly agnostic and “bashing” my own real faith? Well my brothers and sisters, it is a test of faith. I had to see how far I could go in denying the truth without ultimately giving it up.

Why am I a Christian? I tell you my brothers and sisters, the truth is there. It is clear. It is pure. It is true. Truth is truth. Phil27of79 was right, so was Ned Flanders, Pinnacle of Reason, Magnet Man, dattaswami, and many others, but especially Ichthus… he helped me see that I had gone a bit far in my spiritual self-test… and for that, I am thankful. I have let the Lord back into ILP, and through me, he will speak his words that are the eternal truth. Ich never gave up on me… and that’s why I decided to let this day be the day to let all you fools who are not Christians know… that you are truly the fools. You have chosen to burn in Hell for eternity for your sins… you will not let the Lord Jesus Christ into your hearts; and for that, you will suffer greatly. However, I offer you this one last chance, because I feel him and his love, he is ever-forgiving and until you die, he will forgive you for all trangressions if you merely take him into your heart. Will you? (Remember, you can’t ask for his forgiveness after you die… it must be now!)

So, I must once more apologize to all my Christian brothers and sisters… I have tricked you far too long, but I know you understand that I had to; to fool the rest of ILP as well. It was part of the test… if I could not be taken for a “agnostic”, I could not feel that my faith was being tested.

Know that before every post I have ever made as an “agnostic”, I pray on the Holy Bible and ask forgiveness from the Lord my God who is the true God. I know the Lord forgives my transgressions because I was doing him the service of intentionally leading the true evil-doers away from the Pearly Gates of Heaven. They shall not ever get there because I have used the Power of Christ to see who is truly worthy of entering the Paradise of the Afterlife.

On this Blessed Sunday, I am so happy to finally let the truth be known to all my brothers and sisters of ILP: The Lord Jesus Christ is Alive in me and in You! Let us join together and show the wrong-doers the truth that they have denied! Let us commend this site to the Love of the Lord, because ILP BELONGS TO GOD!

[size=150]Go forth my brothers and sisters… go with Christ![/size]

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Was this meant for your blog?

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04.01.07.2101

What blog? :-s

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Well Sage I am truly happy for you, I may join Satan one day, it matters not. but at least you are happy in your faith. That is all that truly counts. Even those of us that do not follow any christian paths can be happy for one who is at peace. Only creatures of dark feelings, thoughts and emotions could not rejoice for you.

So please revel in your faith and revel in the fact that you are happy that we non followers will burn in hell, even we kind and caring ones. Enjoy.

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I might have guessed it. I certainly knew you were no Nietzschean!

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So tell us Sage, Is there any connection between fooling ILP once, or is April 1st another “fooling”? Why should anyone trust you to be telling the “truth” on such a propituous day? I smell a rat…

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Yes, it may well be a joke, but I think the joke is on him, anyway.

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Yeah yeah yeah . . .

Getting in good with the new regime, I see. No wonder they made you Social Science mod. It all makes sense now – you got to be a mod for the price of your immortal soul.

I would have held out longer on that deal!

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The April fool hath said in his heart there is no God.

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I hate to rain on your parade, Sage, but Jesus wasn’t even a Christian…he was a communist.

“Christianity” is a doctrinal invention of the ruling classes, which focused to organize a “meme” into applicable principles with which to control and subordinate the working class. The story of a man’s life, namely Jesus, and the collections of interpretations of his disciples, was worded and arranged into a book which was both purposely obscure while also baring a frightful, historical, significance as “the big book” etc., etc. It worked only as an opiate, to quote Marx, and its significance, as well as its irony, is that the one man who it centered around, Jesus, was a typical working man with no more profundity than yourself.

So no, there is no such thing as “Christianity” and there never will be. It is so terribly comical to watch people get all excited about a book that, having circumstances been even the slightest bit different, wouldn’t have even become known to the world, and would still lie in fettered scrolls of parchment underneath some straw-hut somewhere in the desert.

It just so happened that these “scriptures” were collected by acheologists and turned into the biggest farce this planet has ever seen. What is shocking, if anything is shocking at all, is the precision with which this farce was put together and how it remains today.

And I shall now quote Spock:

“Your actions are illogical, Captain Sage.”

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Wait just a cotton-pickin minute! Was this an April’s Fool joke, Sage?

Oh boy…you’ll definitely burn for this.

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04.01.07.2103

Someone give him a cigar… he smelled it first!

:evilfun: [size=125]April Fool’s![/size]
I laughed so much today reading all of your responses… thanks everyone!

Ahh, so sorry to dissapoint! Regardless, I never said I was a Nietzschean (still wondering where you got that idea in the first place), but just in case you missed it on that long old thread, I’ll say it again. You are certainly not a Nietzschean, regardless of all your quips and quotes! The only true Nietzschean was Nietzsche, and you are not he! :stuck_out_tongue:

Don’t tell anyone I told you, but Ucc showed me his room of golden chalices and I couldn’t resist! I saw the face of Appollonius in one of them and mistook him for Jesus! I tell you, what a fool I was that time! :laughing:

:sunglasses: That Satan-guy sure can party… but things can get a little hot. Make sure you take plenty of water with you when you go wherever he has one. :laughing:

I’d like to thank Maynard James Keenan for inspiring this April Fool’s joke.

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Ok you got me but, to be fair I had only half a cup of coffee and absolutely no clue or idea it was April fools day. Calendars are not in my job description :laughing: If I know what day it is it is because someone told me.

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I don’t let Jesus or God into my heart.

I let blood and neutrients in.

That’s what I need.

That’s how my system works.

Anything else is unnatural rubbish.
:laughing:

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04.02.07.2104

:laughing: Quite so and quite right as well! However, I’m sure someone here on ILP would argue that those “nutrients” “are” “God”; but that too is rubbish! :wink:

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You are too funny.

I read the first post…went crazy in my head for a second there.

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I didn’t believe it for a second…Sage turning christian? That would be like the moon turning tartan, a serious impairment of reality.

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It caught me for a few seconds, then I said “wait a minute,” and looked at the date.

Good job, Sage! :laughing:

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As long as you canlive with and accept other religions without trying to force your own on others, then CONGRADS!!

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04.02.07.2105

Honestly I thought this comment I made in parentheses was going to give it away: (Remember, you can’t ask for his forgiveness after you die… it must be now!)

Such a blatant mockery of the belief system would not normally be found in a post revealing such news. I was still surprised to see that some people fell for it, and more “almost” fell for it.

Anyone keeping track of my posts up until then would have probably guessed that it would be impossible for such a change to occur. I had to make the ruse seem so convincing that it was not enough for me to appear a Christian, but that I had fooled everyone into believing that I had not been a Christian in the first place. Over two years of agnosticism? What devoutly religious person would last that long in such a cloak of deception?

I’m glad you got a kick out of it… if anything, humor was the biggest response I expected; and generally has been. :sunglasses: