I have diagnosed you, although very minimally, earlier. Why would someone not have the balls to do it?
If you’d like, I can diagnose you more. But you might be pretty insulted, and since I don’t have a “credible”/authoritative name to tell you I am intelligent you will most likely convince yourself I, and all my beliefs, are ridiculous, and just plain wrong. So, I’m actually afraid that my diagnosis would cause you to just deny them, and increase your dissonance (which your daily dose of weed eases–there’s Substance Abuse, for example, which is linked with eating disorder.)
You said you are very irritated when you are sober. Just to sensitive. That’s because you’re both smart and emotional. Unfortunately, emotion was not encouraged in your family because emotion is a womanly thing. You are still focused on what role you are on. You must be the stereotypical male, so nothing is wrong with you.
When humans don’t want to feel responsonsible for a situation (I got mad) they blame the outside word (but when one does well they will readily attribute their success to themselves). You blamed the outside world on your anger (and, in many cases I am sure, you had good reason to be angry). So now you have a great sense of self-acceptance, as you did a hell of a job adapting your beliefs and actions around a male social role. Unfortunately, you’ve projected everyone else down to your anger at the anger itself. Your anger.
Oh… so is this what you meant about someone not having the balls to do it? They would be convinced that you would deny my message, simply using it as a “Do Not Enter” sign as you reinforce your safety-net thoughts, and then have a faultless mind, a sociopathic-lack of conscience towards anything not-manly.
You have became your ideal form, and have internalized this knowledge. Your “free-will” is less than others, as you fail to consider the weakness in your arguments, the holes in your beliefs. You are more of an automaton, more of a savage. There is limited second-guessing, if any; you rarely need to rearrange the past for a guide on how to act ethically, because you have deluded yourself, due to the suppression of anxiety and a primary need for security, you grab the developmental-stage specific ideal: Conformity, reliance on rules and roles, a focus on earthly gain.
You are type 3 on the enneagram.
I could go on, if you wanted me too.