WISH YOU WERE HERE -- 9Nov. 2006

a new poem I wrote 7AM Thr. 9Nov. 2006 in the style of a haiku variant called haibun:

the sunrise is so effin’ gorgeous
this early November morning

a close cousin to the feeling I get
when I make you smile–
the kind your whole face takes part in
that awakens and illuminates your hazels
and not that superficial
insousciant approximation of a smile
your lips so often shape

…when I make you laugh–
the kind that animates your whole body
not just a momentary reflexive obliged
outburst of expelled breath
meant to express some degree of amusement

       *     *     *

sumi-e brushwork
golden clouds – blue-gray shadows
in sunrise magic

====================================================

note:
“sumi-e” is the name given to the style of watercolor painting that comes from Japan

Beautiful. It works on lots of levels from simple humour to the profoundly deep and provocative. Very clever.

.

Thanks for the positive feedback – was one of those beautiful moments almost too beautiful to bear which made me think of someone who’s so beautiful to me in so many ways beyond her physical beauty. The irony is that I’m going thru a pretty dark passage in my life right now, but this moment of beauty was just what the doctor ordered and eased the pain I’m in – at least temporarily.

thanks again,

lhw – AKA: The Straight-faced Clown AKA: M.C. Tape-Hiss

great poem… colourful imagery! A+!!! =D>

I’m reposting this poem b/c I realized a couple days after its initial posting that, in my haste to post it, t I had absent-mindedly and unintentionally omitted a stanza. You will find the previously missing stanza in the boz of quoted text just before the haiku portion of this haibun:

the sunrise is so effin’ gorgeous
this early November morning

a close cousin to the feeling I get
when I make you smile–
the kind your whole face takes part in
that awakens and illuminates your hazels
and not that superficial
insousciant approximation of a smile
your lips so often shape

…when I make you laugh–
the kind that animates your whole body
not just a momentary reflexive obliged
outburst of expelled breath
meant to express some degree of amusement


sumi-e brushwork
golden clouds – blue-gray shadows
in sunrise magic

Hey, I didn’t know there was a poem in there? :laughing: You seemed to have changed the colour slightly so it’s more visible (?)

When I responded, I thought it was just an empty void which made the title profound. . #-o

.

Very nice :wink:

Though…even in the reposting the color still appears to be white on gray and hard to see …your signature appears fine tho, /shrug.

Copypasting to notepad ftw :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Anzha:

I chose to change the text color to white b/c it’s easier for me to read against the dark blue background than the lite blue text this site uses as its default color --it further doesn’t help that the default text-size is so small as well-- when I compose and post things when I’m logged-in on this website. In order for you to read it easier, try logging-in as well.

lhw – AKA: The Straight-faced Clown AKA: M.C. Tape-Hiss

Thanks again km2_33 for your additional feedback. As I said to Anzha, I chose to change the text color when composing and posting this poem to white b/c it’s easier fo rmy half-blind eyes to read against the navy blue background than the default lite blue bg is for me. But then it means any reader has to be logged-in to read it – so 6 of 1 and half a dozen of another as the saying goes.

lhw – AKA: The Straight-faced Clown AKA: M.C. Tape-Hiss

I love that part. You brought me a wonderful memory. Thank you.

Thanks alookcanbreakyou – the feedback is appreciated

lhw

I am logged in, but I guess I just have it on the default color scheme…where your text is white on pale gray :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: Its ok tho, highlighting it works :wink:

I logged in and I still see nothing but your signature. My background colors alternate between white and the same pale blue of the page border. I have no idea what the navy blue is that to which you refer.

That was a beautifully created image of an intense emotion. Believe it or not I almost missed it again. I clicked the original and until I looked closely saw nothing. Then I highlighted it and the poem appeared. As I scrolled down to leave this reply I noticed that you resubmitted the poem. I can’t believe I missed it the first time around. Anyway, I finally found it and it was worth the effort.

hey DEB – have a look at the version with the missing stanza and then lemme know whatcha think.

–Nels.