I am not saying that you are threatened or that I am threatened for that matter, but there is a lot of insecurity out there and I speak to that. I stare at men just as much as women, if not more, and saying women are more beautiful is kind of ridiculous. Just because the lines are softer or curvier doesn’t make them more beautiful. Some men adore scrawy women or very large women, so what one is drawn to stare at is all relative or in the eye of the beholder anyway. Personally , I think it is because you may find people just interesting to watch. You don’t sound sexually attracted to them, but you did allude to having more of the desire to look at women more than men. I haven’t had this experience, but I don’t think that makes you gay or bisexual. I will say that just because you feel that you think it is petty for women to size each other up doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen every hour of every day. Also, in sizing them up, I don’t think that that you have to see another as self centered to engage in it. There is nothing wrong with checking someone out to compare them quietly to yourself. Everyone does it. It doesn’t make you petty - it’s just human.
I love watching people, but to me (and I have said it before) pretty is as pretty does. and I would rather be with a nasty-looking beast with a kind heart than some heartless Ken doll. Beauty and the Beast was always my very favorite movie anyway. But I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that the Ken doll might turn my head on the street.
But by your own admission, you won’t notice a man unless he’s standing right in front of you, making eye contact, perhaps. I’m only saying that it must be more than just him “simply being.” Whereas a woman you will notice, even if she’s not standing right in front of you, and doesn’t make eye contact. The man - less the attractiveness and eye-catchingness of the female - must rely on taking action of some description (even if it’s just moving in front of you and making eye contact). I would just suggest that this may demonstrate the idea that women are inherently more attractive than men (to women as well as men). There’s a reason you all are referred to as “the fairer sex.”
I would not suggest that you notice women more because of any petty desire to make comparisons. I would suggest that you notice women more because they are more noticeable.
I’m not a bad artist and I must say that I find men, athletic ones, to have a far more interesting body than women. Men are full of geometric shapes and can be interesting in a variety of sizes.
Meanwhile, women are mostly only attractive within a certain range of shapes and sizes and that range is narrow.
meanwhile, about wisdom, take your age, multiple by 3 and that is how long it will take to be as wise as me. Multiple by 8 to find out how to match me smarts.
“I won’t believe that I would not look for the beauty in another woman because I’m somehow threatened. What a load of rubbish. How do we make friends, how do people inspire us if we are so self-centred?”
Beauty has to do with what we find to be it. That is self-referencial.
People inspire us and it is the “us” meaning the sense of self that holds the content that gets inspired.
Making friends once again has something to do with the “me” part of us.
Which isn’t too bad: I’ve heard that gays and lesbians attract.
So I ask you: are the men you are attracted to kind-of more sensitive? The women I’m attracted to are less – frilly;
and the guys I prefer as friends are usually more – sensitive.
Jees an hour on the couch with you lot and I think I’m more damaged than when I came in.
I’m not a lesbian MRN, I’m impartial.
But what Ad says has some truth in it. It’s just not a complete thought. I think we are always attracted to people that mirror us in some way or other. As young girls we choose to spend time with those that are more physically like us. We dress the same, are attracted to the same boys, we have the same interests etc. You know, good girls hang with good girls and bad girls hang with bad girls (I’m a good girl ). As we get older our physicality becomes less important. We begin to rebel against anything that is similar, we start to search for our own identity, we become individualised.
I moved to Tokyo at 21. How’s that for separating myself from anything that is familiar? (Actually I have never really thought about this until now). Yet, even in Tokyo one finds oneself in the company of those that mirror in some way. Perhaps it’s a certain taste in music, or the fact that we are all foreigners all surviving in a strange new world, or there is a restless spirit…I think I found people that were more similar to me in Tokyo that I had found in my whole life at home. But none of them were from my own country.
As we grow, our reflections change. Now my reflections are more subtle. Not that obvious perhaps. But it’s there, we see ourselves reflected in each others eyes, we connect more deeply than simply what we are wearing or because we are beautiful or whatever superficial reasons have been mentioned. I was at a party last night observing some strand that runs through all of us. On the surface, each of us looks and behaves differently, we all have our own unique qualities. But as a group, anyone would be able to tell that we are a group of souls. A family. We have that here on ILP too.
I think ultimately when I’m ‘checking’ out other women, strangers, I’m looking for that which is similar in me. I’m still growing and as I grow I look for more reflections of myself to bring my understanding and insights into a more objective reality. I’m looking to unify rather than individualise. Not that there is anything wrong with being an individual, no do not misunderstand. Each individual petal of a flower is exquisite in its own right, but the flower as a whole is more beautiful than the sum of its parts.
Seriously though, a great deal of attraction is genderless methinks, its just how we act upon it. I mean, face it, some people are just hot regardless of their type of genitals.
I is notorious that women do what was originally discussed. There must be a general reason for that. However, I think that it has a lot to with happening on an almost animal level and almost nothing to do with being gay.
You know that you are gay when you have sex fantasies about your same sex. Thinking that a member of your own sex is good-looking is evolved and mature in my opinion.
I now find myself looking at people in their late teens and 20s and finding them to look like a nice healthy man or woman without a sexual thought crossing my mind. That’s the “daddy” factor coming out.
I presume this is autobiographical? Independant woman… you mean those collars who work in banks, collect sperms and store them in the fridge? An independant woman offend my manly will to power. I find dependent women attractive instead. To be precise, I find independent weary women who desire and struggle to be dependent irresistible, assuming that busty and blonde, of course. Adventurous… a whore is adventurous.
Sorry, it’s just that I never had the chance to notice women checking out other women… Maybe when the room and the street is Uniqorless, or the present men are attractivenessless.
Is there any chance that ‘checking out’ could be happening at several levels? Could ‘checking out’ mean different things at various stages of life? What if ‘checking out’ refers to watching facial expressions?
There is far more complexity to ‘checking out’ than is being discussed. Not being a woman, I’m at a little bit of a disadvantage here, but…
I have always ‘checked out’ people - man or woman - by my impressions of what sort of mind was in play. Young, old, physically attractive or not, it was the curious mind that was the common denominator that I looked for. This is, and always has been, “my crowd”, but it has little to do with visual ‘checking out’. Who we hang out with may have nothing to do with visual perceptions.
That said, we are attracted to ourselves, and look, or ‘check out’ others for those qualities we ‘see’ in ourselves. It may even include qualities of sensuality.
For those who think ‘checking out’ is about superficial sexual appearance, you’ll find exactly what you’re looking for: superficiality. And what does that say about you?
Now we have something. I was thinking along these lines. Checking out has more to do with looking to ‘see’ ourselves. It is incredibly complex but the principle of the idea is forming…
This is probably the wrong word, but I think we look for those who “resonate” with us on some or many levels. When I think about it, ‘checking out’ is more just recognition than anything else. There is some hint or clue that allows us to ‘see’ ourselves in others. I’ve had that ‘across a crowded room’ experience where you just know, even if you can’t figure out how you know.
I would even venture to say that this resonance is possible on the internet. Just a few words that says, “I’ve found someone.” Perhaps we’re looking for ourselves?
Well, if you accept my vague reference to the word ‘resonance’, even a hand full of words can say volumes. This is particularly true if words are the only clues - ie - the internet. ‘Checking out’ in this sense, is our own sensitivity to signals to which we’ve already attached meaning. We literally create our own ‘mirror’ and look for suitable reflections. The list of possible cues are endless, and each of us carries their own personal collection of yes-no ‘barriers’ - everything from physical appearance to just a few word floating on a screen…
If this explanation has any validity at all, it would go a long way to explaining internet romances, would it not?
That’s all very sweet, but have we considered the conversation that occurs after women have checked out other women? I have had a lot of female friends and have never heard them use the term “resonate” about the stranger they target.
