Worst puns

Teacher: What is a metaphor?
Student: Cows.

A Meta? - Don’t get it

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighbourhood and one of them was a-salted.

“What’s a meadow for?” “Cows”.
Good one, Lev.

dictator–a potato shaped like a penis.


  1. The Beatles have left the building.
  2. The sweet and low swinging chariot is returning home
  3. What caused a wardrobe malfunction

Why can’t you have two doctors in the same place?

Because that would be a paradox!

A most ingenious paradox!
We’ve quips and quibbles heard in flocks,
But none to beat this paradox!
A paradox, a paradox, A most ingenious paradox!

How do you feel?
With my hands.

I see - maybe that works better with an American accent.

Say ‘addicted’ after everything I ask: What is someone who does drugs? What is someone who drinks? What hit you in the face last night?


Whose nicknames are “Dicktator” and “Janitor”

Mr Mrs Richard and Jane Potatohead.

Reminds me of the old joke.

My dog’s got no nose.
“How does he smell?”
Bloody dreadful.

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

Pour your can of beer into a glass and it will taste uncanny.

She backed into the fan–disaster.