You look familiar. said the mirror.
i said, why thank you!
the mirror replied:
because its the polite thing to do.
*
How many fingers I am holding up?
You’re a bloody spoon you don’t have any fingers.
How did you know?
I’m in the fork draw.
0…
*
How many Nazis does it take to change a light bulb?
NINE!
*
Questions from my Son:
Q:Where did Ducks learn to swim?
A: In the water…
Q:How many people live in the world?
A:Me, your Mother, your brother and your Father…
Q: What about everyone else?
A: I’ll need my glasses…
Q:Why are adults so serious Father?
A:It is precisely that kind of attitude I wish to neuter out of your corpulent body and mind.
Q: Can I mind be corpulent?
A: Can a spade sing?
Q: Dogs, who needs them?
A: The Chinese will eat them.
Q: No but who actually wants to own one.
A: True enough…we’ll take five.
A: Do you love mummy…?
Q: Certainly…just don’t let on…
A: How many times does a person laugh in their lifetime?
Q: At my last count once authetically. several thousand halfheartedly. and once for your mother-in-law and father-in-law. and a seering nasty laugh for that bastard who got your mother pregnant.
A: Dad, can I always count on your?
Q: Well what sort of figures are we talking here son…I’m going out soon.
A: The Third World War is nearing I overheard today.
Q: O, and next it will be the icecaps, and the weather…tell me something I don’t already know…
A: I’ve just wet my pants.
A: Politics is a dangerous business.
Q: That’s why I went into horticulture and let your mother take up the arms of my shirt. Violence will solve nothing: unless it invovles money. remember that. I’m not wise for no reason.
With your brains Fred I could be a genius!
