A few months earlier I made the idiotic claim that I had been abused, suggesting sexual abuse.
What I referred to was a botched and misplaced attempt at touch-oriented healing, by someone who was in a condition not at all suited to healing, namely abysmal sorrow.
This was over 20 years ago. It’s been with me ever since but it wasn’t abuse. I volunteered for it, having been convinced that there was something wrong with me, even though all I was suffering was, also, sorrow.
It was an incredibly stupid thing on my part both to volunteer for it and to later frame it as abuse. Shameful.
There were more shameful elements in that post. One of which is that I lied about my beautiful logic, that I devised it as a means to overcome a deathly guilt.
In fact that deathly sense of guilt, which was literally nearly killing me, was overcome by many means in the weeks leading up to the philosophic insight, among other ways by spending all my money on a trip to Los Angeles, where during the night I worked on myself every night using methods such as this;
The city refreshed my soul, thusly;
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQvjzY2fhnk[/youtube]
And when I came back to my woman in Vienna I encountered the post The Ontological Tyranny by without-music, and this made all the objects of my philosophical and magical studies of the past 20 years click together, and I had the insight into the inner nature of the Will to Power, which instantly led to the realization that ‘supernatural’ things can indeed literally exist, because being is at its heart valuing, rather than ‘stuff’.
This insight crowned my healing, I was finally free to drop my psychotic duty of suffering other peoples fates as if they were my own (I had insanely suffered from that for many years), and free to my own being.
In any case I was most certainly never sexually abused. My deepest apologies for suggesting that I was. Sheesh.