a thread for mundane ironists

[b]Ernest Cline

Capitalism would inch forward, without my actually having to interact face-to-face with another human being. Which was exactly how I preferred it, thank you.[/b]

Admittedly, he is right about that part.

And I was just there, less than an hour ago, debugging subroutines in my cubicle, when a motherfucking Earth Defense Alliance shuttle suddenly shows up and lands right outside my office building! I figured I must be losing it. Now I’m not sure what to think.

You know, like the Men In Black showing up in the Matrix.

As I stared out at the grim skyline, a bright sliver of the sun peeked over the horizon. Watching it rise, I performed a mental ritual: Whenever I saw the sun, I reminded myself that I was looking at a star. One of over a hundred billion stars in our galaxy. A galaxy that was just one of billions of other galaxies in the observable universe. This helped me keep things in perspective.

You know, going back to an expanation for existence itself.

It felt wonderful. Like being struck by lightning.

Uh, if you know what he means?

It occurred to me then that for the first time in as long as I could remember, I had absolutely no desire to log back into the OASIS.

Or – gasp! – ILP?

At this school, the only real weapons were words, so I’d become skilled at wielding them.

I know, I know: would that it could be like that here.

[b]Philosophy Tweets

“Schools serve the same social functions as prisons and mental institutions–to define, classify, control people.” Michel Foucault[/b]

Capitalist, socialist.
Pick one.

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” Marcel Proust

Trust me: blind or sighted.

“We die only once, and for such a long time.” Moliere

He ought to know. 348 years now and counting.

“It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do.” Moliere

I know, I know: what if that were actually true?!

"A learned fool is more a fool than an ignorant fool. Moliere

You know what’s coming: youtu.be/g-avaa9a_HU

“When the heroes go off the stage, the clowns come on.” Heinrich Heine

Hmm, ILP in a nutshell?

[b]Paul Gauguin

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.[/b]

Blind or sighted, he figured.

Today one can dare anything, and, furthermore, nobody is surprised.

Let’s change that.
You first.

I plunged eagerly and passionately into the wilderness, as if in the hope of thus penetrating into the very heart of this Nature, powerful and maternal, there to blend with her living elements.

Or, sure, the wilderness we call the urban jungle.

The missionary is no longer a man, a conscience. He is a corpse, in the hands of a confraternity, without family, without love, without any of the sentiments that are dear to us. Emasculated, in a sense, by his vow of chastity, he offers us the distressing spectacle of a man deformed and impotent or engaged in a stupid and useless struggle with the sacred needs of the flesh, a struggle which, seven times out of ten, leads him to sodomy, the gallows, or prison.

Any missionaries here?
Come on, be honest.

Civilization is paralysis.

But only if you’re an optimist.

In Europe men and women have intercourse because they love each other. In the South Seas they love each other because they have had intercourse.
Who is right?

Both work for me.
Only neither ever has.

[b]Philosophy Tweets

“Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women.” Leo Tolstoy[/b]

And don’t I know that, right?

“Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous.”
David Hume

You know, as correlations go.

“The greatest lie ever told about love is that it sets you free.” Zadie Smith

Not unlike, say, freedom.

“Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.” Jean-Paul Sartre

Not only that, but in that exact order.

“Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.” Bertolt Brecht

My guess: for better or worse.

“The greatest pleasures are only narrowly separated from disgust.” Marcus Tullius Cicero

Note to nature: Go figure, right?

[b]Robert Mapplethorpe

People have done pornographic pictures forever, but most of the people who involve themselves in explicit sexuality aren’t really artists.[/b]

Uh, no shit?

My theory about creativity is that the more money one has, the more creative one can be.

Damn, they got him too.

I don’t use recreational drugs, except for cocaine, hallucinogens, and nitrates.

Practically a fucking saint.

The best picture I got was Bianca Jagger whispering in Mick’s ear. I caught them telling a secret, which is sort of rude.

Of course we haven’t heard from them yet.

People don’t have time to wait for somebody to paint their portraits anymore. The money is in photography.

So, where’s the money in what we do here?

One must ease the public into it — that’s an art in itself.

Tell me about it. You know, before I do.

[b]Nein

A gentle reminder from Nietzsche. Yes, you can handle the truth. It’s the mobile army of metaphors, metonyms, and anthropomorphisms that should worry you.[/b]

Them and the pinheads here.

I suggest we burn our bitcoin. Funge our tokens. And, time allowing, fall in love.

Let’s synchronize our watches.

I call it punctuation. It’s emojis for old people.

A gentle reminder that in German they spell it Sommer. With an o. Just to fuck with u.

You know, Dasein.

We regret to inform you that it’s Monday. Every day until Friday.

Not to worry. Another one is right around the corner.

Joy to the world. Peace on Earth. Seize the means of production.

Let’s call this practicing for next Christmas.

[b]Laura Dave

It’s harder to appreciate what you don’t have to look hard to find.[/b]

Me more than you I suspect.

You have to grow about eight hundred grapes to get just one bottle of wine. If that isn’t an argument to finish the bottle, I don’t know what is. — Anonymous

I’d best get started then.

The part where you need to choose among the choices that are there, and not the ones that aren’t there anymore.

And how grim is that.

Even if things didn’t always go the way they should, sometimes they went exactly where they needed to.

So, feeling better?

This is the thing about good and evil. They aren’t so far apart - and they often start from the same valiant place of wanting something to be different.

If only in the real deal free will world.

When everything gets messy and brutal and complicated, the truth is the first thing to go, isn’t it?

Yo, uh, you probably.

[b]Elena Epaneshnik

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Anything that can’t go wrong, will, eventually, also go wrong.[/b]

Not much that doesn’t include, he suspected.

Are we nowhere yet?

That would be here: ilovephilosophy.com/viewtop … 2&t=179879
He said in jest.

People who think they are right, what’s wrong with you?

Uh, yeah!!

Radiohead’s “There There” is probably one of their best songs, with lyrics so brilliant.
“Just 'cause you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s there.”

You tell me: youtu.be/7AQSLozK7aA

“Revenge is a dish best served cold”, they say. What they don’t say is that afterwards you feel a brief pinch of satisfaction and then you feel like crap for a very long time.

Trust me: not necessarily.

That which does not kill you, makes you strong enough to leave caustic marginalia in Nietzsche’s books.

Yo, Fixed Jacob! Yo, Satyr!
If you know what I mean.

[b]Julius Caesar

If you must break the law, do it to seize power: in all other cases observe it.[/b]

Get it?

Without training, they lacked knowledge. Without knowledge, they lacked confidence. Without confidence, they lacked victory.

On the other hand, one of us or one of them?

I came, I saw, I conquered.

Not unlike you here, right?

In the end, it is impossible not to become what others believe you are.

Well, improbable anyway.

A coward dies a thousand deaths, the gallant never taste of death but once.

Let’s file this one under “blah, blah, blah”.

As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men’s minds more seriously than what they see.

For example, dasein.

[b]Werner Twertzog

I am not sure whether I am a nihilist because I am Bavarian, or I am Bavarian because I am a nihilist.[/b]

Next up: Baltimore.

I like to party, if by “party” you mean sitting alone in a darkened room contemplating the futility of human existence.

Cheers!

May is the second cruelest month.

Though now, of course, it’s June.

Dear Idiots: Stop hitting “reply to all”.

Wow, imagine if that was an option here.

If you want to understand hypocrisy, follow the money.

For example, to the intersection of K Street, the White House and the Capitol.

We Bavarians, of course, remember that the Catholic Church supported Hitler.

Well, they were after the Jews, right?

[b]Walter Isaacson

i began to realize that an intuitive understanding and consciousness was more significant than abstract thinking and intellectual logical analysis.[/b]

Come on, tell me we don’t need an actual context here.

But the main lesson to draw from the birth of computers is that innovation is usually a group effort, involving collaboration between visionaries and engineers, and that creativity comes from drawing on many sources. Only in storybooks do inventions come like a thunderbolt, or a lightbulb popping out of the head of a lone individual in a basement or garret or garage.

Tell that to Alan Turing.
Or, perhaps, Al Gore?

When you open the box of an iPhone or iPad, we want that tactile experience to set the tone for how you perceive the product.

Shivers?

When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied myself the pleasure of contradicting him.

Talk about willpower!

Customers don’t know what they want until we’ve shown them.

Or, as Henry Ford once put it: “Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants, so long as it is black.”

The tongue of a woodpecker can extend more than three times the length of its bill. When not in use, it retracts into the skull and its cartilage-like structure continues past the jaw to wrap around the bird’s head and then curve down to its nostril. In addition to digging out grubs from a tree, the long tongue protects the woodpecker’s brain. When the bird smashes its beak repeatedly into tree bark, the force exerted on its head is ten times what would kill a human. But its bizarre tongue and supporting structure act as a cushion, shielding the brain from shock.

Pick one:
1] God
2] Nature

[b]Werner Twertzog

Academic Freedom is the right to speak, obscurely, about matters of no interest to anyone.[/b]

Like me here, right?

The purpose of life is simple: Purchase electronic devices and keep them charged.

He keeps bringing this up. Of course that’s a good thing.

What happens to Joe Buck after the final bus ride?

My guess: We’ll never know.
Unless that’s in the novel.

You get paid in proportion to the amount of evil you are willing to condone.

And, no, not just at the Pentagon.

The universe has cycled through birth and death a trillion trillion times, I am told. But we must also eat breakfast tomorrow.

Nature. Go figure, right?

This tweet is a work of art. You may purchase it for $63,900,000 for a limited time.

Next up: this post.
The bidding starts at a $1,000.

[b]Laura Dern

I love comedy. David’s Lynch the only person I’ve worked with more than once who sees me as a specific thing - he sees me as the sexy bimbo, in ways, and he also sees me as Lucille Ball. Actually, Nick Cage and I did Lucy and Ricky in two scenes in Wild at heart that were cut because the movie was four hours long.[/b]

Who knew, right?

It’s a strange world, as David Lynch would say.

But is it strange enough?

I think it’s interesting that there’s always a dark cloud hanging over my character, in every movie. Even in Fat Man and Little Boy, where it’s a real dark cloud. In Mask, it’s more the judgment of others, but it’s still a threat.

Rambling Rose. My own personal favorite.

What I consider a good part for a woman and what some other Hollywood people think are good women’s parts are very different.

Follow the money, right?

When I started dating I had relationships with people who came from families that weren’t at all artistic or whatever, and they didn’t understand how to communicate. I find that so boring.

Tell me about it, Laura.

I’m interested in flawed protagonists. I was raised on them.

Flawed works for me.

[b]Existential Comics

There is a lot of confusion about what “Marxism” actually is, so let me clarify: it’s when your boss tells you to work on the weekend, but instead of doing it you punch him in the dick.[/b]

Next up: when him is a her.

Hey guys what if we all started saying Critical Race Theory ultimately stems from Hegel? Do you think we could get conservatives to ban teaching The Phenomenology of Spirit in high schools? Because that would be pretty funny.

Funny and…tragic?

Kafka, on his deathbed: “okay so here’s what we do…”

You know, that other Kafka.

[b]What I learned from analytic philosophy:

• chairs don’t exist
• water is the same as H2O
• snow is white if it is white
  What I learned from continental philosophy:
• not to read Hegel[/b]

On the other hand, which continent?

Controversial opinion but Franz Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis” is a lousy book, because the bug doesn’t learn any badass kung fu. All great books should have badass kung fu in them.

And, sure, all great posts here.

When billionaires talk about how they plan to stop climate change, 99% of the time they are actually talking about profiting off climate change. They want to own the growing green sector so they can control it, prevent democratic oversight, and profit from it. Do not trust them.

Hey, whatever works, right?

[b]Charlotte Bronte

I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.[/b]

You know, in the general direction of God.

Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs.

Fortunately, that’s never been a problem for me.

Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.

Pick one:
1] God
2] Nature

I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.

Well, she once was anyway.

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.

Or, as some call it, insomnia.

Besides this earth, and besides the race of men, there is an invisible world and a kingdom of spirits: that world is round us, for it is everywhere.

If, unlike me, you know what she means.

[b]Doth

The longest day of the year can be hard for the goths in your life. Make sure you know that they matter & that the darkness will be here soon.[/b]

Hard for nihilists too. Well, this one.

Of course I have body issues, I can’t explode into thousands of crows.

Or just one for that matter.

My body isn’t a temple, it’s at best a decaying old greenhouse with a horrifying backstory.

Next up: it’s at worst…

Be the horrifying backstory of your family’s lineage.

Or, fuck it, all of humanity itself.

I’m desensitized to horror, tell me a movie that can change that.

Take your pick: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_f … _the_worst

I just want to be rich enough where I never have to be seen in public again.

In any event, I come close enough.

[b]Philip Seymour Hoffman

A lot of people describe me as chubby, which seems so easy, so first-choice. Or stocky. Fair-skinned. Tow-headed. There are so many other choices. How about dense? I mean, I’m a thick kind of guy. But I’m never described in attractive ways. I’m waiting for somebody to say I’m at least cute. But nobody has.[/b]

Well, maybe on the other side someone will.

Well, I think everyone struggles with self-love.

Stoned or sober.

For me, acting is torturous, and it’s torturous because you know it’s a beautiful thing. I was young once, and I said, that’s beautiful and I want that. Wanting it is easy, but trying to be great - well, that’s absolutely torturous.

You know, like me here.

There’s a period of time in your life when I kind of look back, and I’m like, was I happy, or was I just not aware?

Or, sure, when you were miserable. It has to work both ways.

Life’s pretty funny when you’re objectively on the outside looking at it.

How the hell does that work, he wondered.

I think you gotta have an honesty and a humility about human nature and that it’s not about you at the end of the day.

And [for him] now especially.

[b]Doth

french kiss is when you use tongue, a goth kiss is when you bury their heart underneath the floorboards.[/b]

Next up: a goth fuck.

Be the reason why church doors slam shut as you walk by.

Or, sure, burst into flames.

Whenever I’m feeling stressed I like to take a deep breath & think about every mistake I have ever made.

And then, for some, post them here.

The most goth thing you could do is to get fully vaccinated, walk back into the woods & never be seen again.

You know, until the next pandemic.

Absolutely no one:
Me: it starts getting darker out in 20 days

That was then. Now that blessed darkness is creeping ever so slowly back again.

Anxiety is a dominatrix that yells in your ear: “try not to die today you piece of shit”

Or, sure, something like that.

[b]Charles Simic

Only poetry can measure the distance between ourselves and the Other.[/b]

Remember when it was only philosophy?

If I believe in anything, it is in the dark night of the soul. Awe is my religion, and mystery is its church.

Amen.

Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them.

What’s that make philosophy then?

One writes because one has been touched by the yearning for and the despair of ever touching the Other.

Or, for some, like me, one’s very Self.

The truth is dark under your eyelids.

And how far away can that be from your brain?

Silence is the only language god speaks.

You know, so far.

[b]Jan Mieszknowski

Life is
Kierkegaard: anxiety
Schopenhauer: despair
Bataille: terror
Benjamin: guilt
Beckett: all that stuff, but really, really funny[/b]

Right, ha ha ha.

Read Schopenhauer to understand Nietzsche.
Read Hegel to understand Schopenhauer.
Read Kant to understand Hegel.
Then read Spinoza to understand that you don’t understand anything.

I challenge someone here to explain that.

There is no such thing as “saying what you think.” Walter Benjamin

I challenge someone here to explain that.

As a young boy, Albert Camus was already well aware that
a) the human being is the only creature that refuses to be what it is
b) every work of art is a confession
c) it was virtually impossible to take a bad photo of him

You know, if that even matters.

Psychology: The past hurts
Sociology: The present hurts
Politics: The future hurts
Philosophy: The past conditional perfect will have hurt if the future conditional perfect turns out to hurt as well

Yep, that about sums it up for some of us.

Nietzsche: God is dead
Freud: God is dad
Kafka: Dad is dead
Beckett: Dead can dance

Or, sure, all of the above.