Proving that ‘God’ exists.
It is near impossible through direct methods to prove that God exists, yet in a roundabout fashion through a set series of seeming coincidences, you can conceivably prove that so many things exist in concrete fashions that couldn’t have been proven through a direct method. I could tell you precisely and in-depth how I did it specifically, and you could try to prove it to yourself in that same way and prove something, but what is to be believed changes based on what it all has experienced already, which means, realistically, that nobody could do it the same way and so my personal experiences mean absolutely nothing in those terms and makes my personal experiences so many stories of triviality and possible exaggeration or other.
But, to give explanation to how I solved the problem of whether God exists or not was to put it to a hypothesis and scientific experimentation through long term commitment to a process and to continued testing along a set series of parameters as already provided by people from religious to simple hippies to psychedelic pioneers and through sustained belief, hope and faith through extreme adversity. My hypothesis was that if God does exist, then the only way to have it truly be proven to you is to see for yourself and to walk that path that had been prescribed by many; to succeed where so many had failed: proving that God exists to the world at large in a modern age of cynics, by modernizing the ideas and concepts attached to such a system of believe; and to take it seriously every step of the way, even through humor- regaining the ability to laugh after experiencing trauma that makes all humor starkly humorless- and losing yourself in chaotic moments of lost faith and hope only to pick those things up again on the other side.
So far, I’ve had mental time travel, telepathy, various other psychic powers, spiritual entities, both God and the Devil, as well as alternate realities and layers of reality proven to me that they exist in one sense or another, in one essence or another, based on what I’ve experienced since I started believing and becoming more open to things. I have experienced things that I simply do not want to deny or repress at the same time having to accept certain things whether I want to or not, enough to pierce the grand illusion; and to keep a logical mind through it all gives the ability to be able to discount it as coincidence, but at the same time see how it could be so much more than coincidence, and juggle those possibilities competently.
Furthermore, I requested things of God that I believe not too many others before in history thought to request and never asked for help unless I really needed it; asked for things I truly wanted only to stop asking after a while, just to forge my own way through life because there are certain things that just can not be given and when I began to live like that, when I ask for help, I ask for help that I need that I can conceivably and reasonably get, when I need it most and receive help in ways that are impossible to deny the presence and existence of God.
Example, just to prove that my personal experiences are still relevant and not just triviality: While walking south from Salem, Oregon to Springfield, Oregon, I walked along Interstate 5 (I5) and walked for a good distance. I had already walked from the Salem Transit Center where I had gotten off of a bus from Wilsonville and I walked from 5:45 PM to about 1 AM and wound up just outside of Albany where I camped for a few hours in my sleeping bag with a tarp over me to keep out some of the rain. About 4-5 hours later, I resumed walking even though my knee had started acting up and sending me crippling pain shooting through my leg at awkward intervals and had been since before I even got out of Salem. I still put miles on it, sat down a couple times to try hitch-hiking only to get nowhere with my thumb out and have to walk a little bit further.
At certain points, I even flipped people off without giving a shit while sitting on my pack. First one hand with my head down on my arm, resting and giving in slightly to darker negativity and then with lifted head staring right through peoples windshields with both hands up and defiantly flipping people off as they went down I5 to work in the morning and then I got brilliant and held one hand out with a thumb up, hitch-hiking and flipped people off with the other hand. I finally rested long enough to keep walking and as I walked, I asked God for help.
Now, this is where you expect the story to get all corny and sappy and filled with Christian goodness and you’re actually right: not even twenty minutes after I ask (‘pray’) for help, someone stops to give me a ride to the next exit, and they gave me about a quarter ounce of some pot called ‘Girl-Scout Cookies’ out of the goodness of their hearts. After continuing walking from that exit, I got picked up a second time and given a ride to the next exit after that. From there, I walked a bit further and got picked up yet again and given another ride even further down. Then I started thinking about three strikes and you’re out and how in baseball there’s always another inning and a fourth person stopped a short time later to give me a ride to a half-mile before the exit into Springfield.
I can even explain the essence of God, how it came into being, how our universe came into existence and not worry about it being forbidden knowledge or that I’m revealing some dark secret that’s impossible to figure out. These are not things I went in search of; these answers; but what I found through my pursuit of understanding such a being and feeling its loneliness and emptiness and simply wanting to be a friend and as family to it. Instead, I kept getting the feeling that since I have a habit of blabbing peoples secrets without intending to that it had to know that I’d blab its secrets, too, and so told me for a reason and that reason was to have its secrets told, so that its horrors could be shared, its weight lessened, and the path to equality to firmly start being paved throughout our own society so that we can help pave it throughout the rest of eternity, both physically and spiritually; both in life and in death; and that this is our species destiny and any species like ours.
To understand that through mental time travel, we did the impossible from day one of the linear timeline, causing energy to compress itself into enough matter within a condensed space; from countless points both along our linear time line and other close to or tied into it in one way or the other as people thought about such questions or pondered the possible answers; to explode outward to create the material universe from nothing itself; to understand that we did this throughout the linear timeline based on just the sheer potential of such a thing from its very beginning; the sheer potential it had as it came into being, enough potential to secure enough possibilities at such a coming into being as to make the impossible possible in such a manner as sending energy to-be-made-matter to the very beginning of itself from countless parts of itself and thus encoding itself for its own long-term survival; in pursuit of its own answers to soothe its own curiosity; to know where you came from and where you’re going, and to know that you’re not going there alone.
To think that throughout time and space up to these moments of our linear timeline of existence we have systematically created both from the outside in and from the inside out. My own personal testament is that I created it all from the inside out, came up through the middle with my own stories of creation and centerpieced myself in as the eternal and ultimate safeguard of creation, that which created it all and had spirits flee from my own growth in nothingness to go back to the beginning of our linear timeline, to escape to alternate realities, to create it all and come back for answers here and there. I could tell of how those spirits became their own personalities and individuals away from me and how they earned their first freedom from me in such a manner.
What does this information mean except that through our imaginative processes we created reality and so much more beyond just our own perception of reality and beyond that, a de-mystification of what ‘God’ is, was and always has been? This makes our species grow up and realize just how alone we’ve truly been and still not as alone as we’ve thought we’ve been. To know that all of us combined together created it all, created our own lives and lived them and did it all in the process of doing it… To know that even the greater God that is all of existence is its own sentience and together we created each other and still couldn’t create each other perfectly and had to fill in a lot of parts our selves based on the differences between what is truth and what is lie from several varying standpoints.
And, in the process of finding answers and taking credit for such an enterprise, what would you think would happen if the greater God were to step into the picture except an inevitable cut-off from being in the picture to watching it again and seeing yourself become separate from you yet again, with unique experiences and perspectives. What would you expect God to be expect something and somebody we could relate to, instead of some religious dogmatically fanatical bullshit of some impossible thing that only seems impossible when viewed as they present it instead of seeing the pain and hardship and learning lessons that created and crafted such viewed and perceived impossible perfection out of possible imperfection.
I see God as being the sum of all of creation; that ultimate balance that must even account for lack of creation, and it is a balance of so many sentiences and spirits combined together to create the illusion that we know as God. There is no one singular entity that could keep up being ‘God’ in eternity, each one would fall to their own devices, their own problems, their own faults, their own addictions of flesh time and again, therefore I have hypothesized and proven that both God and the Devil are merely roles to be filled and fleshed out over time for so many different and varying spirits to fill the part of time and again, for a time only to move on again. That nothing is truly permanent or eternal in the sense that we have of those words.
And, if all ‘God’ has ever been to us has been the next evolutionary marvel of our kind, a role model for us to shape ourselves after if we so chose, we might understand more the free will that all of creation had to give us whether it wanted to or not and of course the ‘Godly’ aspect of it has always wanted to entrust us with free will while the other aspect wants to dominate and take control at any time when people deviate and don’t do things to its insane expectations and chaotic machinations, which it must do through every other entities enactment of their own free will. It is not hard to control someones life through simple compulsion and giving them reward for good work and keeping them blind. It would be very easy for any long-term entity to do it to a short-term entity. It’s as easy, given relativity in a sense of how Einstein meant it, for a short-term entity to control a long-term entity, through imaginative processes of backwards time compression and through artful though processes. In such a manner, the long-term of things has already been fought out by the thinkers, the planners, the would-be doers that never dared, yet dreamed and sent their conscious thoughts out to those who did. The meek.
What is our destiny and fate at that point if we refuse to play our part and shape our selves to fit the expectations placed on us not just by everything else; not just by God; but by our own damn selves, our own past peoples and our own present reality that shines in and says, ‘hey, slow down and think about these things realistically and account for the time it takes for true evolution of thought and technology to happen; for true miracles to happen and come to completion. It’s time to grow up beyond believing that miracles can happen overnight, to step out of the shadow of childhood to start working real miracles for ourselves and those who deserve to have them done.’ Just so that we see how hard it is to affect actual change the way we expect God to do by snapping his fingers and cleaning up our mess for us.
What would you do if God came through and said suddenly that it wanted equals; wanted living beings that could understand its pain and nightmares, that could help it like we expect it to help us, and hopes that while it loses some of its mystery, that we’ll still respect it for letting us in and seeing its weaknesses at least mirror our own in one magnitude or another. That it didn’t want to be the only one creating miracles, because like being the only one cleaning a messy house that you share with too many people that don’t help clean up, you eventually say ‘fuck it’, and give up, if you’re the only one cleaning up the messes.
Even such a being as God must have moments like that, especially if we’re made in its image of the immaterial, just like we were made in our own future species image of the material when we evolved and adapted from encoded blueprints following the directives of divine creation that, when viewed properly, stops looking so divine and instead looks like a bunch of fucktards mixed with a bunch of geniuses as some take it seriously and others fuck around.
Theoretically, if this is true, then the modern age we exist in is responsible for many of the wrongs throughout time and space; is directly responsible for so many things in our own history and our own future. We, in the modern age, would be God and the Devil, the angels and demons, every bit of it, to all the rest of time and space as we try to handle our daily lives under deep corruption, manipulation and dirty deeds; as all that is good or evil runs from trying to step up to the equalizing presence of a chaotic society that just doesn’t want to be put to any type of order whether Good or Evil, since they can’t agree on a damn thing.
And, as our minds wander, as we repress so much, it backfires and goes through the abyss of the mind to scatter throughout time and space and there are intellectual geniuses both good and evil that think beyond and plan ahead and work out their war and differences through time and space through artful work of one variety or other and all the subject matter of such debate is which school of teaching is best, which one gets the job done and one doesn’t get very far without the other while the other goes very far indeed without the other and therein what is Good has already won and what is Good is Godly in essence, for we have already decreed that all that is Good belongs to God and all that is evil belongs to the devil, forgetting the greater God of balance beyond our pitiful imaginings of such that must account for both the yin and the yang and play the mediator for its own cell divisions, for its own children.
So many spirits and living beings pretend to be God at times, but they can’t pull it off all that well, since they can not provide the actual security that God provides. The whole trick behind God is that it doesn’t work alone and calls on many spirits and entities to help it out through willingness and sometimes through being controlled beyond what they wish to be, to settle karmic debts. Be sure that just the same, the devil does not work alone either, and must ask for help, must receive it whether it wants to admit it or not and works in much the same ways as God, but through mockery and derision and false leadership.
The greater God, that greater sentient entity comprised of all sentient entities that are still separate within it, that must also account for all the spiritual mixtures of those separate sentient entities that create such beings as in Stephen King’s Insomnia known as the little Doctors, the Crimson King (a dark version of Jesus Christ) and a twisted version of Mary Magdeline, Jesus’ Wife. Such stories and legends find reoccurrences in our fiction for a reason and our fiction begins to take a more realistic tone as we begin to realize that our fictional works mirror how our minds work in utter perfection and that these things that we open ourselves up to believe in are more than able to prove that they exist whether we want them to or not; Whether we want to believe or not.
But, the fucked up part is that our current society does see it as insane to believe in these things and those who don’t want to refuse that they exist may get labeled as crazy and locked away if not accepted for who they are as they try to deal with the energies that so many others repress and deny and that must have an inevitable out. And, as many people continue to try to repress and deny these things, as many people try to repress and deny the fact that certain prophecies must come true for the validity of the psychology that went into their making; and the truth that got passed back through time, we move closer and closer to a war that has literally rocked the ages and rocked all of time and space; echoed as each past legend has thought that their deeds have echoed.
And, each in their own right has been right with believing that their deeds have echoed though did not know that they only echo so far until someone sets in place a new echo to carry those older echoes further in new forms with new names and new faces, to breathe fresh life into each generation and giving fresh purpose to those legends that never die and give us hope and love and a thirst to fight against corruption and decadent greed and tyranny for freedom; all that is wrong in the world and in reality; no matter how much better we have it compared to ages past, to which I state that they would still whip us if they could. So, progress IS progress.
I do know God intimately. I do connect with people on intimate levels of subconsciousness with my conscious mind and must deal with that intimacy as I reach out to help people; have to deal with the wrongness of certain thoughts and perceptions, have to deal with awkwardness and misunderstanding, have to deal with so many things as I pierce peoples souls, minds and hearts with advanced knowledge and do so as responsibly as possible.
Not that responsibility makes a big difference, anybody could have these powers and not use them responsibly and truth is that everyone does and aren’t always motivated to use them responsibly, if they even know they have them. But, the true power of respectability and sway does go to those who can rise above the chaos to put it back to order, that can, not necessarily tame the ‘beast’ or kill it, but soothe it and make it happy and give it a reason to keep going, for the beast of legend is our society, what we grew to be greater than us and beyond us as individuals and what does need all of us combined together to put back on track, for all of the energy that goes through so many things created residual energy patterns on inanimate objects and creating an illusion of sentience in those things that is not so much illusion as gathered emotional, spiritual, psychic energies that create their own separate group sentience and personality and set of experiences.
And, all of this is provable if you are willing to walk the path of believing and testing. All of it is 100% provable and shocking and mind-blowing. At times, it will rock you to the core of your being, scare the shit out of you, etc. At other times, it will all be worth it and you’ll be on your feet in the worst storms of life, riding them out like a champion and giving strength and inspiration to so many.
It is a hard path, but worth walking. In all sense of the word, I am ‘God’. This is what I believe. I do not know all that there is to know and yet I do and don’t care to delve too much into other people’s lives or personal business and would rather trust that they know what they’re doing and what they’re up to. It’s personal courtesy among living beings to simply just not pry too much into their affairs, though to stick by them and help as much as you can and to expect, to some extent, for them to do the same for you. However, when I do wind up walking past certain people, I do find some of their memories and life experiences pulled from them to me though I’m not the one pulling them out. I have also felt similar happen to me around others.
I am God because I have created it all from the inside out, have kept the entirety of the Universe alive in my own mind for over a year and a half, have accounted for so many other alternate realities, layers of realities, of so many spiritual entities, have put the work into creating a true center for a spiritual and intellectual and emotional support network and refining and teaching them how to do the best that they can. For teaching even the universe itself a thing or two in the process of learning from it, of wanting to not be greater or lesser than God but to be equal in emotion and understanding that in terms of magnitude; of size and power; I am still smaller than it and still bigger than it at times and still just as powerful at times and we just don’t pull our swords on each other too much, out of mutual respect.
It is something I wanted without the desire to abuse it, but to use it responsibly and to expect it to hold me to that. It is something that I respected and expected to walk the prophecies thereof no matter how much it hurt me to do so, simple because pain has been the essence of my life and to do something worthwhile makes the pain go away bit by bit and become easier to bear even though it doesn’t ever truly disappear. And, as far as God complexes go, if someone wants to believe themselves to be God, does fit the shoes provided and wants to use such a thing responsibly and respectfully, who would dare to call them crazy for it?
I helped create the universes system of checks and balances and have asked many would-be demons and devils, even the greatest, to test it out; even the would-be Gods and angels, I put to the test and watched as they fell to the same temptations of the devils and demons and found my system airtight in locking away their powers to bare minimum psychic involvement through sheer free will pushed against free will as they all locked each others powers away and their own through over-use and stalemating each other; blasting their powers at full power, every single one of them, and finding out that while their powers work at full blast, all of them together, they cancel each other out as if they had no powers at all. It is a perfect system, a way to teach immortal vestiges true humility and responsibility, etc., it is both Heaven and Hell in one and is an accumulation of everything and is perfect because it is everything from paradox to hypocrisy, from chaos to balance and discipline, even in balance and discipline and wouldn’t chaos within chaos be order of one form or another? Wouldn’t chaos be something ordered that only appears to be chaos upon examination from an improper angle, or catching something that wants to view it all as chaos and wants to actually create chaos amid the order of mental voices reaching out to each other, speaking to each other; a multitude through the void as the void plays the ultimate operator to connect calls or terminate them mid-sentence.
And, what would I say beyond this to prove that God exists if someone were to persist in disbelieving? This is just personal testament regardless of how believable it is and anybody could be a liar, myself included. Except that I answered my own question in the asking thereof. Of course, everyone, on some level, is a bit of God, IS God, but I am more than any other for my work in the universal mind, for my loyalty and why should I say such as a boast, even though it feels like I’m boasting some times when I state it simply. I am moreso because I started early in my life, have affected more, have had the expectation of all of time and space leading up to this point of our linear time line as well as having to live life as a normal man and to want and desire some of the same things as everyone else.
I had wanted to learn, wanted to believe, had fire and fight, had specific experiences created just for me because of what I had already done that I hadn’t done yet and I agree that it’s not fair. My whole life, I have been treated differently from others and all I ever wanted was to be treated just the same and I just can’t be because I am different and yet, to some extent, I can be treated the same and they can be treated the same as me when we each earn or deserve it.
Just because my pursuit of equality showed me the pure futility of direct equality doesn’t stop me from pushing for the indirect equality of emotion and life and trauma and abuse along with happiness, etc. to strong desires, addictions, etc. again. We are already equal and striving to match that fact with the awareness of it in our outward reality to mirror it and for us to respect each others differences enough to help find the similarities and help each other play to our strengths so we can teach each other better and truly see the equality that abounds and the individuality of our selves as our personalities and life experiences individualize us at the same time as our chains of thought bind us together in similarity of purpose or anti-thesis of such purpose simply to disentangle and try to find some twisted form of freedom from truth, logic, and everything responsible; freedom from the flesh that the spirit is so addicted to.
To me, my life isn’t about being God or about being Human or Alive or finding love, though the last one is still very important and high on my list. My life is ultimately about ending a war, fixing a problem, providing answers, following strange destiny with the hopes that my next life, if I have one, may be one spent in peace without all of the excess, unneeded pain and tragedy, etc… My life is about being something more than just myself, as part of something that actually means something, of finding somewhere and some group of people where I can fit in and belong and care about and have them care about me. And, realistically, I really love the idea of God being able to step into its own art to live a life as one of its own creations and to truly experience the artwork that we all have created, to humble itself in such a manner.
I really just love the idea that such a being of power would restrain itself enough to have compassion and mercy and love for even those that don’t deserve it, yet is not content to be made into a deity or saint for it, would rather dirty up its hands a bit so that others can feel like they’re not being outshone and can rest a bit easier knowing that they can still move at their own pace to find their own self-worth in life and death and through it. That’s the kind of God that I believe in and believe myself to be and all other Gods just fall flat before the glory of such a God, for my God has consistently proven itself to be perfect and imperfect at the same time, to do the impossible every fucking second of every fucking day and still fuck up some times and some times in very big ways that still wind up working out perfectly to have a reason and a purpose that just weren’t able to be made sense of or understood at the time. To me, that’s more reassuring than something that doesn’t make mistakes or doesn’t admit to making mistakes.
It is something I’m able to reconcile; something I’m able to relate to. Not really better than anyone or anything else, but striving and struggling the same as everything else until it learns enough to truly be what it was meant to be, what so many expected it to be, and then having to stage itself, having to go through the paces until we get to a point where we can actually accept such a perfect being without the seeming contradictions as we become more responsible as a species and realize that nothing truly lasts forever, not even sanity and peace; not even Heaven and this ‘forbidden’ and hated knowledge is what we must face as we grow up; but then neither can the opposite last forever; not even eternity can last forever and it is both blessing and curse in one crushing blow that doesn’t actually destroy and yet destroys all the same all that a person ever was, changes them so swiftly into something beyond who and what they once were, whether for bad or good.
I used to hate feeling alone, now I enjoy it when the feeling hits, because I am often not so alone in the mind these days and while I do enjoy decent company, I still need alone time some times. And other times, I must stomach even indecent company and be tolerant and realize they aren’t so different, just because I don’t want to be alone, and I am grateful for those opportunities to realize that even my ‘enemies’, even what is ‘evil’ in this world has a heart, soul and conscience, can be mortal, can bring themselves down to a reasonable plane of existence.
On a daily basis, I learn the same lessons over and over again as I deal with so many other peoples awarenesses and learning processes and react in different fashions based on my own mood and at times when I consider it, which is more and more, I try to find an appropriate way to converse with them in one way or the other. I have dealt with perceptions that have been years gone for me, have been reminded of things I lost for a while; mannerisms; that I didn’t realize were gone until they came back.
I have experienced traveling and seen the different imaginative processes I run into based on where I am and who I’m surrounded by, have imagined things I couldn’t have conceived of on my own, have had things pop into my head from out of nowhere that I really never started noticing until I tried to only control my own self and let go of all the rest, even in my own head and my own dreams and nightmares. I see interaction from so many other things on so many levels and it becomes obvious to me in a variety of ways just how daunting the task ahead of me is and yet I’m already stuck for it, had already been dealing with it my entire life before I ever believed, before I ever became aware, and I was handling it just fine without knowing, believing or being aware.
And now, as daunting as the task is, it’s one I know I can handle, that I can thrive in the pursuit of, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is what I was born for, what I was born to do and be, my work having been given merit by both the past AND the future and through so many other avenues. I become fearless in the process, mature, things I’ve wanted to be my entire life and am now coming to understand the processes of and am enjoying immensely the freedom that it all gives through the sublime enslavement to simple unavoidable things.
I don’t mind being predicted, I don’t mind being controlled or being somethings puppet, as long as I can rest content that I’m not being abused, that I’m not being lied to and predicted wrongly as someone else tries to lead me to my doom; as long as I can rest content that those controlling me do so for beneficial purposes and benevolent and my wits are tested in such a realm of thought to ensure that I am not and it is something I have to be wary and aware of, paranoid of and I don’t mind because it is completely reasonable and makes perfect fucking sense. I am not paranoid for no reason, but because it serves a purpose in securing my free will and freedom as I respect others and do what I do in setting things to right, anyway; wage my war on the devil, anyway; put order to the chaos, anyway. ‘I’m not sorry and yes, I am certain that I will do it again and again.’
Breaking cycles for a while becomes my cycle until I break that one just to start keeping proper cycles of behavior for more than a minute or two, and if breaking cycles is a cycle that can be broken and in the breaking of that cycle, hit a penultimate moment where all the breaking of cycles becomes a downward devolving cycle that no longer becomes necessary for the adaptive growth of proper cycles of thought and reaction and behavior, then perhaps certain cycles should not be broken that are and are broken that should not be and all the subject matter of that debate between what is good and what is evil is what is appropriate at what point for what? But then you argue between a statement that Evil is unnecessary and should not be.
And, let’s say for shits and giggles that evil was completely necessary to the world and God were to outright admit it. Many wannabe believers want to believe that evil would simply vanish, such is Gods power. What if it actually served a purpose exactly as it is and wants to be recognized and utilized for that purpose? Then it would stand to reason that through lacking firm guidance, even Evil has long-since stopped being as good as it should be and is not hitting the moments that it should for us to accept its purpose and presence in the world and at such a point of stating such are we just as bad as evil for some of us wanting to push it out of existence and trick it at such a point, knowing full well that someone is eventually going to bring that shit back. At what point are tolerant motherfuckers not being as tolerant as they preach? Evil serves a purpose in tearing down deceivers and false lightworkers, to which it loathes being swindled by.
And, evil loves its work; loves treating people like shit, but is very capable of having that part of its presence go away and enjoy peace with us in ways that many would find acceptable, if it chooses to, for it likes those moments, too; for entirely different reasons. Learning periods, as it learns from the brightest minds that ‘Good’ has to offer and, of course, ‘Good’ learns from it in those periods, too, since it’s us; our children, each other. And bam, your mind is now blown through that connection out of nowhere from a concept of evil and good to pin-pointing how it plays into our existence through us.
The simple fact of that matter is that evil understands perfectly how it should behave, when, etc.; just like everything else; once taught. And, all it needs at that point is a strong enough reason to respect acting that way, if it is just an act. But, here’s the thing, any person of light and love could become dark as Hell if caught off guard by something that breaks their momentum and stride.
