A really [and I mean really] funny look at a man determined to find his, uh, “real parents”. Be careful what you wish for?
But then [philosophically] this is the stuff daseins are made of:
Mel: I can’t help feeling that if I’d been raised by at least one of my real parents I wouldn’t be such a nervous person, you know? I might be living a completely different life in a totally different city. I could be married to a totally different person with a different job. I mean, how do I know? I don’t. Anything’s possible.
The implication of this either sinks in or it doesn’t.
FLIRTING WITH DISASTER
Written and directed by David O. Russell
[b]Tina: I’m in the middle of a divorce, actually.
Nancy: Sorry.
Tina: Oh, no. It was one of those dead marriages—the kind where you have to start making dates to have sex.
…
Mel: Hey, I didn’t go around telling my friends you didn’t want to make love for almost two months after the baby was born, did I?
Nancy: Probably.
Mel: Okay, but it didn’t get back to you, did it?
…
Pearl: Why does he have to do the Roots thing?
…
Tina [hearing a car horn]: What’s that?
Mel: Oh, my God. It’s happening. Shit!
Tina: Oh, God, no.
Nancy: What’s happening?
Tina: It’s the bump and rob thing! This is it!!
…
Mel: Thank you for the jacket! Sorry about the mace!
…
Tina [reading aloud the words on the side of the “bump and rob” van]: “The Trinity Church Ministry of Hope.”
…
Valerie: I’m a bad person for what I did to you.
Mel: No, don’t say that.
Valerie: It’s true.
Mel: Look, Tina says that most women who gave up their children for adoption in the 60’s were independent young women acting against a conservative world.
Valerie: You’re sayin’ I was a slut?
…
Tina: You know what? I can clear this up with one phone call to the office.[/b]
And clear it up she does:
[b]Tina: Listen, I, I, I don’t believe this but there’s been a terrible, terrible mistake. Valerie’s not your mother, Mel.
Mel: What? What are you talking about? Of course she’s my mother. We have the same forehead.
Jane: And he looks like Uncle Freddie.
Mel: Yeah, I look like Uncle Freddie.
…
Valerie: Excuse me! I expect you to pay for this damage.
Mel: Well, w-wait a minute. You said it was a gift from God. Remember?
Valerie: That’s when you were my son.
…
Mel: Excuse me, is one of you fellas Fritz Bourdeau?
Fritz [shoving him to the ground]: Did I invite you onto my property?!
Mel: Take it easy!
Nancy: Tina, don’t go over there!
Tina [being attacked by Mitch]: Would you let me explain?
[Mitch starts kicking her camera across the parking lot]
Tina [screaming]: FUCK! RUN!
…
Fritz: Why, you little shit! Look at this turd face, Mitch! This turd is my son! I’m sorry, man. Did we scare you?
…
Fritz: Hey, you ever been in a truck before?
Mel: No, not really.
…
Fritz: Are you sayin’ my son’s a bitch boy?
Mitch: I didn’t say that!
Fritz: You ain’t no bitch boy, are ya, Mel?
Mel: No, I don’t believe I’m a bitch boy.
…
Fritz: You know somethin’? You got a kind of Jew look, don’t you?
Mel: Well, the people who raised me are Jewish.
Mitch: They…they gave you a real “Hebe” look, kid.
…
Mel: Who…Who’s Old Needledick?
…
Paul: You do know it is a federal offense to destroy a United States Post Office?
…
Tony: So where did you folks come down on the big circumcision controversy? 'Cause, you know, there’s a movement afoot these days to keep the foreskin and, personally, I think a boy’s penis should look just like his father’s.
…
Nancy: We forgot your father’s birthday.
Mel: Oh, fuck…
…
Pearl: Hello?
Mel: Hi, Mom.
Pearl: So, how’s the psychic healing going?
Mel: I am really sorry we didn’t get back for Dad’s birthday.
Pearl: It’s all right. We’ll try it again when he turns 65…provided he lives that long and you’re not too busy.
…
Nancy: Where’d you get the pup tent?
…
Mel: Ever heard of hypospadias?
Tina: Is there something wrong with the plane?
…
Nancy: Does anybody actually own a white Taurus, or are they all rentals?
…
Tony: Nancy was saying you guys were having some tension about oral sex.
…
Tina: Did it ever occur to you to call first?
Paul: Without spontaneity, the world of B&B’s is fairly meaningless.
…
Tina: Look, do you wanna file an anti-defamation suit or do you want to get to the “Schwingkings” before midnight?
…
Richard: Is this some kind of a swapping thing you got going here?
…
Mel: You made LSD? Is that what you’re saying?
Richard: We made LSD.
Mary: Yes, yes. We made acid.
Richard: And we gave it out to people who needed it. You know that there are hundreds of pharmaceutical executives in this country… that are selling drugs, FDA approved drugs.
Mary: On the open market.
Richard: Over the counter with incredible side…
Mary: Horrible side effects.
Richard: Terrible side effects. And these people are not in jail.
Mary: They’re not in prison anywhere.
Richard: They’re, they’re, they’re in country clubs or playing golf. They’re having drinks.
Mary: They’re running the country, Mel.
Richard: You know, LSD shouldn’t be a felony in the first place.
Mary: It’s not addictive.
Richard: It doesn’t lead to violent crime.
Mary: It’s really the only hope for the species.
…
Mel: Did you take acid while you were pregnant with me?
Mary: You’re not gonna bring that thing up, are you?
Richard: You know the stuff they tell you about, you know, chromosome damage and all that stuff?
Mel: Yeah, I do!
Richard: That’s government propaganda.
Mary: Total propaganda.
Richard: They just want to get a hold of your head, that’s all.
Mary: I was relieved, though, when you came out in the hospital and you only had one head.
Mel: Very funny.
Richard: [laughing] She- She kills me! It would’ve been kinda nice if he had, like, a third eye right there, you know? You know, you know, a third eye is a symbol of enlightenment.
Mary: Mel…identity is nothing but a mental construct.
Mel: Mental construct?
Richard: Have you ever read any Tibetan Buddhism, or Chaos theory?
…
Paul: Is this a musical table?
…
Richard: How do you feel?
Paul: Vivid.
…
Paul: I’m seeing colors I don’t want to.
…
Tina [to Mel]: I guess it’s just one of those ex-felon pro-acid kind of non-smoking homes.
…
Mel: [to Tony] You know, you got a lot of nerve. You come in here, you lick my wife’s armpit. You know I’m going to have that image in my head for the rest of my life.
…
Richard: Where’s the car?
Lonnie: It’s over here.
Richard: Why did you move it?
Lonnie: I thought you moved it.
Richard: Why would I move it?
…
Pearl: What did I just tell you about the U-turns?
Ed: He was in my blind spot.
Pearl: You could fit the state of Wisconsin in your blind spot.
…
Ed [looking in the trunk]: What the hell is this?
…
Pearl: What kind of trouble are you in?
Mel: Us? We’re not in trouble. You’re the ones who are in jail.
…
Sheriff: Bobby, take these forms back to the office, these release forms and get these nice people their car keys. This is all over here. This is a Federal agent here, and he just told me the whole story about the Shlytings.
Ed: Schlitinooks.
Pearl: Shitkings.
…
Pearl: And by the way, w-w-why are you not wearing pants?
Paul: I had an experience, that’s why.
Pearl: What do you mean?
Paul: I resisted at first, and then it evolved and it continues to evolve for me.
…
Paul: How long will that take?
Tina: Usually six months to a year. But if you’re willing to wait, you know, I may be able to find a couple of lesbians who would be willing to conceive…
Tony: That’s good. Lesbians are good.
Tina: …and then you could share the baby with them.[/b]