This is a really, really funny movie. And if you have ever raised a kid [and I have] you’ll recognize yourself in the occasional flashback.
But nobody as cynical as I am would ever in a million years believe the ending. Just endure it as best you can. By, for example, not watching it. Just kidding. A little.
And it is bursting at the seams with folks ever sliding into and out of the white middle class rendition of the American Dream.
Did I mention how funny it is?
I still have a hard time recognizing Joaquin Phoenix as Garry though.
PARENTHOOD
Directed by Ron Howard
[b]Gil: This is a memory of when I was a kid. I’m 35 now. I have kids of my own. You don’t even really exist. You’re an amalgam.
Usher: A what?
Gil: A combination of several ushers my dad left me with over the years. I combined them into one memory.
Usher: Why?
Gil: This was a great symbolic moment of my life. My father dumping me with you…it’s why I swore things would be different with my kids. It’s my dream. Strong, happy, confident kids.
Usher: That’s great, that’s great. You know, you - you got a lovely family, and I’m a god-damn amalgam!
…
Kevin [singing]: When you’re sliding into first and you’re feeling something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you’re sliding into third and you feel a juicy turd, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you’re sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you’re driving in your Chevy and your pants are feeling heavy, diarrhea, diarrhea.
Karen: Kevin, honey, where did you learn that song?
Kevin: Last summer at camp, Mom.
Gil: Ah, that was money well spent.
…
Gil: Now, if it was my sister’s kid…
Karen: Garry.
Gil: Now, there´s a kid with problems.
…
Justin: Who’s that?
Gil: It’s my kid brother, Larry, your uncle. Don’t give him any money.
…
Larry [approaching Grandma]: Is that Grandma?
Frank [derisively]: Yeah, she’s still alive.
…
Gil: How long has it been? Three years?
Larry: Something like that.
Gil: You stopped wearing your turban!
…
Marilyn: Cool is adorable. Adorable! Why didn’t you write us when you had a son?
Larry: I didn’t know myself until a couple of months ago. You see, a few years ago, I was living in Vegas with this girl. Show girl. She was in that show ‘Elvis On Ice’. Anyhow, we drifted apart as people do in these complicated times and then a couple of months ago, she shows up with Cool and tells me, “You watch him. I shot someone. I have to leave the country.”
…
Helen [whimpering as she flips through the stack of sex photos of Julie and Tod]
[Julie enters the room and Helen holds up a picture]
Helen: I… I… I think this this one is my favorite.
Julie: It was just for fun Mom.
Helen: Well, I’m glad to know it’s not a job. That’s that Tod, isn’t it? There’s one with his face.
[as she looks closer at the photos]
Julie: Is that what bothers you? That I did those things? Or that I did those things with Tod?
Helen: Gee whiz, Julie, so many things bother me about this, I don’t know where to separate them.
[holds up a different photo]
Helen: Oh! Whoo! Here’s something for my wallet!
Julie: Tod is very important to me.
Helen: And we’ve got the photos to prove it!
[as she holds up the sex photos again]
Julie: Mom…
Helen: [looking again at the ephotos] This is your room. You did these things right here? In my house?
Julie: Well, I thought someone in this house ought to be having sex - I mean with something that doesn’t require batteries.
Karen: He likes to butt things… with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.
…
Helen: I swear, Julie, if you walk out that door, don’t you dare come back!
Julie: Don’t worry about that!
[Garry enters]
Julie: Hi Garry.
Garry: Hi.
Julie: I’m moving out.
Garry: Bye.
Helen: See? Now you’ve upset your brother!
…
Marilyn: Frank?
Frank: What?
Marilyn: Cool just finished lunch.
Frank: l´ll call the newspaper.
Marilyn: l thought you and Larry could take him somewhere.
Frank: l am showing Larry my car.
Larry: Just plop him in front of the TV. That´s what he always does.
…
Frank [watching Larry get thrown from a moving car and rolling up next to his feet]: What was that?
Larry: Oh, some friends of mine were just dropping me off.
Frank: Friends? Friends slow down, they even stop!
…
Julie: He said that he loved me.
Helen: Men say that. They all say that. Then they come.
Julie: I can’t believe I trusted him…
Helen: Well, what did you expect from a kid like that?
Julie: Oh, Mom, back off. The last guy you dated stole our furniture. Men are scum.
…
Tod: Julie, you belong with me!
Helen [hitting him]: Let go of her!
Tod: Julie, you’re my wife!
Helen: If you don’t let her go right now I’m going to call the…his what?!
Julie: His wife. We got married a couple of days ago.
Helen [stops hitting Tod and starts hitting Jilie]: Are you out of your mind? Are you out of your mind?!
…
Julie [to Tod]: I wouldn’t live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!
…
Nathan: Well?
Susan: Why are you pouring water through my diaphragm?
Nathan: To check. To see if it’s OK. You didn’t know I did that, did you?
Susan: No.
Nathan: Obviously not or you wouldn’t have tried this.
Susan: Are you accusing me of making that hole?
Nathan: No, a woodpecker came in here, went into the bathroom, opened the drawer with his little wing and pecked a couple of holes in your diaphragm!
…
Helen [to Garry]: l assume you’re watching these because you’re curious about sex…you know. Or filmmaking.
…
Tod [commenting on Garry]: That is one messed up little dude.
…
Helen: I guess a boy Garry’s age needs a man around the house.
Tod: Well, it depends on the man. I had a man around. He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head. He’d say, “Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast.” You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
…
Larry: Dad, they’re going to kill me.
…
Frank: Did you ever think about getting a job?
Larry: Oh, great. Oh, that is just great now. What did you always tell me, huh? ‘‘Make your mark. Make your mark. Don´t be one of the numbers. Make your mark’’
Frank: You misunderstood me. You weren´t listening.
Larry: Aw, come on! lf l called you up to tell you, ‘‘Hey, Dad, l´m the new assistant…sub-vice president of pencil sharpening at some crappy little company’’… you´re telling me you´d think that was great? l am better than that! l am not Gil!
…
Julie: If he thinks I’m having his baby now, he’s crazy!
Helen: Baby?
George [shocked]: Your daughter’s having a baby?
Helen [even more shocked]: A baby?!
George: You’re going to be a grandma?
Helen [laughs incredulously]: No, no, no, no. I’m too young to be a grandmother. Grandmothers are old. They bake, and they sew, and they tell you stories about the Depression.
[shouts] I was at Woodstock, for Christ’s sake! I peed in a field!
…
Karen: This puts a minor crimp in my life too. l was thinking about starting back to work in the fall. Now l can´t.
Gil: That´s the difference between men and women. Women have choices. Men have responsibilities.
Karen: Oh, really? Okay, well, then, l choose for you to have the baby. That´s my choice. You have the baby. You get fat. You breast-feed until your nipples are sore. l´ll go back to work.
Gil: Let´s return from la-la land, because that ain´t gonna happen. Whether l crawl back to Dave or get another job…it´s obvious now l´m gonna have to spend less time at home. l´m gonna have to have business dinners. l´m gonna have to play racquetball. l´m gonna have to get guys laid. l hope you don´t mind if l bring home a few prostitutes…because that´s what it takes to get anywhere, and l´m not getting anywhere. Whatever happens, you have to count on less help from me.
…
Gil: l´m ready to discuss it. However, l can´t right now. l gotta go to the goddamn Little League. Ten little boys are waiting for me to guide them into last place.
Helen: You really have to go?
Gil: My whole life is ‘‘have to.’’
…
Gil [after Frank asks for advice about Larry]: You want my advice? Why me? Why now?
Frank: Because I know you think I was a shitty father.
[Gil is silent]
Frank: Thank you for not arguing. And I know you’re a good father.
…
Frank: You know, when you were two years old, we thought you had polio. Did you know that?
Gil: Yeah, Mom said… something about it a couple of years ago.
Frank: Yeah, well, for a week we didn’t know. I hated you for that.
[Gil looks surprised and hurt]
Frank: I did. I hated having to care, having to go through the pain, the hurt, the suffering. It’s not for me.
…
Frank: Then Monday morning, 6: a.m you come to work with me at my place. l´m going to teach you the business.
Larry: Plumbing supplies.
Frank: ln a few years, l´ll retire, and you´ll take over. Meanwhile, as long as you´re working… and if you agree to go to Gamblers Anonymous, l´ll keep paying your debt. That´s it.
Larry: Okay. But let me just add a wrinkle. About an hour ago, l got a phone call from an associate in Chile. Big opportunity. Platinum. Why don´t l just toddle off down there for a few months, see if it pans out? lf it does, great. lf not…we put the Frank Buckman plan into effect. Sound good?
Frank [giving up on him]: Sure. Great.
Larry: l could use a little…
Frank: Two thousand enough?
Larry: Ample. Ample. Well, better pack.
Frank: What about Cool?
Larry: What? Oh, Jesus, that´s a tough one. This is not really the kind of trip that…Listen, how about if…
Frank: Don´t worry about it.
…
Cool: My dad´s going away.
Frank: Yes. He´s leaving right away.
Cool: ls he ever coming back?
Frank: No. Would you like to stay here with us?
Cool: Yeah.
…
Susan [as her husband serenades her in the middle of her lesson]: Nathan, we’re trying so hard to keep these kids off drugs
…
Tod: Did l win?
…
Garry: You, like, saved their marriage. That was really cool.
Helen: Yeah, well, l give ´em six months. Four, if she cooks.[/b]