I don’t know why. Not exactly. That is all so profoundly [problematically] entangled in the manner in which I have come to construe the evolution [the “meaning”] of any particular human identity, it would be utterly futile to imagine that I [or you or anyone] ever actually could know this. There are simply far, far too many complex variables intertwined in far, far too many complex ways to fully or wholly comprehend something like that. Variables intertwined historically, culturally and experientially in a world teeming with contingency, chance and change.
And, come on, admit it, how many of these variables do we ever really have a complete understanding or control over?
But…
I still live in this world. And I see so much human misery that revolves around folks trying to impose their own religious, philosophical, political and/or moral values/ideals on others.
All I can then do [in my own way] is to deconstruct it. In the manner in which, say, Sisyphus goes about his own daily routine.
Ah, but then alongside that is the human misery imposed on the world by the moral nihilists embedded in the global economy.
And, as a former Marxist [you were, right?], you’d know a thing or two about that.
So, faced with just how ineffectual either one of us are in making an actual dent in the “real world”, we each choose our own way to “do the time”.
Besides, all of this “philosophical stuff” then becomes intertwined in the actual set of circumstances that we both live in. And, really, what could you possibly know about mine? What could I possibly know about yours?
It’s all right there in my signature:
[i][b]He was like a man who wanted to change all; and could not; so burned with his impotence; and had only me, an infinitely small microcosm to convert or detest.
John Fowles [/b][/i]
From my perspective, folks like Satyr and Jacob and James and Turd and all the rest that embody the “objectivist mind” react to me as they do in part because what if I am on to something important about human behaviors that come into conflict over values and ideals. What if that which they construe to be the “real me” is no less the existential contraption/fabrication embodied in the manner in which I have come to encompass “I”.
Let’s face it, most of them have spent years and years constructing a world of words that they can anchor their “self” to. They are all basically entangled in one or another rendition of this:
[i][b]1] For one reason or another [rooted largely in dasein], you are taught or come into contact with [through your upbringing, a friend, a book, an experience etc.] a worldview, a philosophy of life.
2] Over time, you become convinced that this perspective expresses and encompasses the most rational and objective truth. This truth then becomes increasingly more vital, more essential to you as a foundation, a justification, a celebration of all that is moral as opposed to immoral, rational as opposed to irrational.
3] Eventually, for some, they begin to bump into others who feel the same way; they may even begin to actively seek out folks similarly inclined to view the world in a particular way.
4] Some begin to share this philosophy with family, friends, colleagues, associates, Internet denizens; increasingly it becomes more and more a part of their life. It becomes, in other words, more intertwined in their personal relationships with others…it begins to bind them emotionally and psychologically.
5] As yet more time passes, they start to feel increasingly compelled not only to share their Truth with others but, in turn, to vigorously defend it against any and all detractors as well.
6] For some, it can reach the point where they are no longer able to realistically construe an argument that disputes their own as merely a difference of opinion; they see it instead as, for all intents and purposes, an attack on their intellectual integrity…on their very Self.
7] Finally, a stage is reached [again for some] where the original philosophical quest for truth, for wisdom has become so profoundly integrated into their self-identity [professionally, socially, psychologically, emotionally] defending it has less and less to do with philosophy at all. And certainly less and less to do with “logic”.[/b][/i]
In other words, they have a lot to lose. And few know the psychological consequences of this better than I. After all, I lost it myself.
And, who knows, perhaps one of them might actually succeed in bringing it all back to me.