It isn’t just the thinking at night either. For some reason I get jealous even when my gf hangs out with her family over me, I don’t think that is normal. I don’t exactly know what it is. I only truly get along with a few types of people and the ones I do get along with, well I want them around all the time I guess.
Sounds like you might benefit from a counselor. Not a psychiatrist, just a counseler. Those shrinks just love prescribing drugs to solve issues when talking and thinking would do.
Jealousy and needing people around stems from insecurity. You might need to figure out the what and why of the insecurity.
Well then, we might be on to something here.
That’s why I wondered whether this stems from something deeper. Did you feel jealous before this altercation with her brother? If there was any animosity between yourself and a member of her family, that could make you wonder whether her choice to be with her family over you means she’s choosing sides.
They say that OCD is an anxiety based condition, and this jealously could be the anxiety.
I wouldn’t write off drug therapy too quickly. For sure, OCD is a neurological disorder, at least to a large extent. But you’re right to think that there’s always the possibility of dealing with one’s psychological problem through other means (even if it is highly dependent on fixed neurological aberrations). I know that when I’m high and get creepy thoughts like Artimas described, I’m able to look them straight in the eye (figuratively) and say: I know you’re just a thought. Then I don’t even tell them to leave my mind. I let them stay until they’ve played themselves out. ← This is like not trying to resist the thought of a polar bear. If Artimas could do the same–recognize these images as just thoughts in his head (which he doesn’t seem to have difficulty with, at least in retrospect) and try not to run them out of his mind (let them “play” until they exhaust themselves, that is, which I’m less certain he knows how to do)–then it might work to some degree–without drug therapy.
But let’s not assume to know what’s good for a person and what isn’t… unless we’ve been there ourselves and we know it’s the same thing.
I mean major events. Minor ticks are predisposed by more then likely frustrating and irksome issues, that are easier to upload. Major issues are tremendously weighed, and deeply hidden.
Yeah, before her brother. They all have problems with alcohol, so I kind of don’t want her always drinking with them. Then I get frustrated when I go to sleep and sometimes the images happen and I cannot fall back asleep for a while.
Well, right there you have an opportunity to do something a little romantic with your girl: you make promises to each to abstain from the substances which are harming you–harming yourselves and possibly the other person too.
I mean, we’ve all heard about how when you put two heroin addicts together and expect them to help each other with their problem, you’re in for a surprise–they’ll just help each other find ways to get the next hit. But between you and your girl, Arti, I think you can come at this at a different angle–your addiction are to completely different drugs, with completely different effects, and you’re each experiencing completely different consequences relative to each other (i.e. you are experiencing the consequences of her drinking, she is experiencing the consequences of your marijuana use).
Ok, let’s talk about your sleep.
Some say that sleep–or dreaming, more specifically–serves the function of letting off emotional steam or stress–maybe your brain is doing it too soon–before you’re even asleep.
How 'bout this: can you recall in your past experiences, whether this tendency of your mind to vent unwanted thoughts and images just as you’re going to sleep (thereby keeping you awake) was ever less severe or less turbulent than it seems to be now? Or would you say this is a constant thing–unwavering since time immemorial for you. ← And if there have been times when this symptom of yours was less intense, can you think of anything in your life that might have correlated with that?
Impossible, she won’t stop drinking, even when I have said she does too much. Then her foolish brother had the nerve to tell me “well what if she drinks because of dealing with things in her life before” of which I responded, everyone has problems. Now I just hate that guy, I don’t want to go around any of her family anymore. I am still pissed at what they did.
The thoughts always happened, it is part of the reason why I could not do schoo, on top of subconsciously realizing it was memorization and not knowledge. it would keep me up at night, then by morning I would be too tired. The thoughts were different though. They used to be curiousity and thinking of scientific or universal things, now it is jealousy and imagining things I dislike which causes me to become frustrated.
I have already stopped smoking Marijuana, I am not addicted to it. She lives with alcoholics, they’re all fools who do not understand addiction or psychology. Literally, “Hey want a beer?” “Hey want some shots of vodka or tequila?” Honestly though, I can’t deal with it anymore. She chooses her addict family over building her own life and if she does not want to walk through the door I have helped open for her then I have no choice but to leave, right?
Most idiot excuse to enable addiction ever, it’s like me saying “Well I only killed you because I had a bad past 
” straight ignoramus.
Well, it sounds like there’s too much shit and inflexibility in your relationship with this girl. It might be best if you cut it off. ← I hate saying that; I hate seeing love die. As a rule, I try to encourage people to try to work it out first, but it sounds like you’ve already been down that road, and besides it seems like there’d be too much shit to deal with in the relationship even if you guys could work out the issues over alcohol and the friction between you and her family (her brother at least).
I guess you sort of answered my question about whether the thoughts were ever less intense than they are now, saying not really but the quality isn’t always the same. Do you think if you broke it off with this girl and took some time to get over it, your thoughts might return to contemplating more philosophical/scientific stuff?
BTW, didn’t mean to say you were an addict. It was just a word I threw in to describe the situation you and your girl are in, or could be in if you tried different approaches.
I can forgive her brother, just not yet… We have been trying to find our own place for a while and I think it would be better if we did that, being with family creates a lot of biased emotions and thinking, along with relationship interference, from my experiences at least.
Thr reason I get so frustrated with my dreams or thinking is because I have had dreams before (not very many) that actually happened, so they were kind of deja vu-like.
It makes it difficult to differentiate between dreams and reality. I think that was what jerkey was saying…
Even at work the thinking and visualizing comes into my head, as if she was with another guy, they’re kissing, etc etc… Though in reality she is probably at home sleeping or doing whatever. Once I find my own peaceful, quiet home I think all of this stress will ease off, the thinking/dreaming maybe not but hopefully.
Sometimes it’s suicide, sometimes it’s wonder, sometimes it’s your love leaving or cheating on you. They aren’t just thoughts either, they are visual images.
One time a long time ago before I knew about philosophy and all of the things I might possibly know right now, I had this image flash in my head where there was a bow in the door way with some sort of mechanism, when I open the door or walk in the arrow released and shot me in the head.
The room I was visualising there were a few bows hanging on the wall in there, they were my uncle Floyd’s hunting bows.
I have had dreams of nuclear reactors or some sort of advanced technological machine melting down or something wrong with it where I was the only person fixing it. I have had tons of apocalypse dreams, mostly zombies. Probably irrelevant but what I am saying is my mind is insanely creative and usually the creative ones are the darkest.
I had dreams constantly of my ex cheating or leaving me, she left me and aborted my kid, then a week or so later was with some other guy. That was around the time I joined these forums. I started off on the site “Online philosophy club” but a mod there had it out for me, gave me warnings, black marks and what not whenever I killed his arguments. So I left due to too much censorship of ideas/possible knowledge.
I don’t post here for any sympathy or what not but to discover the root of why the images are there, how to redirect or overcome them. I believe the will is everything so there has to be some way of destroying them.
Forgive as soon as you’re able… that’s what I always say. This is all the more hard to do if you’re holding a grudge (a sort of commitment to stay angry).
You could do that, and it might have the intended effect to a degree (there would be less incentive to drink), but I think she’ll always carry a piece of her family in her heart. Remember, as much as you think her family is no good for her, as much as you have legitimate criticism about her family–and you could be right–it’s her family. She’ll never feel exactly as you do about her family, though she may agree with you on certain points.
Are you the jealous type, Arti? I’m still getting a feeling that there’s something deeper here, like it isn’t just random images that pop into your head ex nihilo. Are you sure they don’t symbolize themes which you might be worried about unconsciously?
Right, because they can be.
Sounds to me like these dreams hint at a feeling of being the only one who sees that there are problems in the world, and therefore feeling the full weight of responsibility to do something about it. Others are either oblivious, don’t care, or are deliberately adding to the problem.
Sounds like the images are the result of either a neurological glitch in your brain, or something welling up from your unconscious. There’s definitely a few themes there–cheating, leaving you, aborting your baby, etc.–which hints at some unconscious hang ups.
At this point, I’d hand you over to a professional–I wouldn’t be able to do anything more that guesswork (which can be fun for philosophy, but if this is a serious problem, I don’t want to mess with things I know very little about). But feel free to add more thoughts and I’ll respond with my thoughts if I have any.
That is not a problem. Everybody is that way. No one in this world can stop thinking even for moment. The only difference is that some people can notice that noise of the their subconscious mind more clearly than others. There can many reasons of that, natural like genetics or unnatural like meditation as well.
with love,
sanjay
Well said, Sanjay. I couldn’t agree more.
It’s pointless to point to a natural tendency that all human beings engage in and call it a problem. Even if it’s not all human beings–even if it’s just Arti–it’s still the natural way his brain works. No sense fight against it. What he needs is some way to get it to work for him rather than against him.
Arti, have you had moments when these images carry a pleasant or inspirations theme? Maybe it’s just a matter of figuring out when the themes are dark and disturbing and when they are more light and uplifting?
If you can believe me, i can offer you some advice. Some of my explanations may look bizarre to you, but believe me, i know about these things more than the most of the people, even from those who are formally educated experts.
First of all, understand and remember that more than 99% of the dreams has nothing do with much the normal human life, so do not ever try to relate both realities. Just acknowledge and also treat them separately.
Dreams are real, even more real than normal life, but that reality is of different zone, not related much to this one. Thus, those persons, whom we see in the dreams, are not those very persons whom we know in the real life. But, this does not mean that the dream persons are not the real persons but merely manifestations of our mind. No, they certainly are as real as us, but they are from different reality and merely appear in the disguise/mask of our familiar persons in the dreams.
This can be verified in person too. I am telling you a very simple trick/reality about dreams, by which this verification can be done by anyone.
Next time you see any familiar person in the dream (like your gf, her brother or anyone else), try to look at their body figure, their total anatomies/appearances, instead of their faces merely. Means, their height, their body type, whether they are lean or fleshy, their hands, their hair etc. And, you will immediately realize the difference. Their faces may be the same as our known ones, but their whole anatomy will be different in many other regards.
You may not be able to remember my this advice during the dreams right away, but if you keep this at the back of your mind (which you cannot avoid now by the way), sooner or later it will surely strike you right there in the dreaming. And, you will realize that i was right.
What has happened in your case(problem), is that for some reason, which my guess is taking drugs in the past, the gates of your subconscious mind has been opened slightly more than their default position. So, you are getting some flashes/glimpses of all that what is supposed to be happened behind the closed doors. Now, all that is troubling you because neither you are aware of the reality nor mature enough to handle that. That is the bottom line in your case.
Now, the question is what is the remedy now!
The first thing now you understand is that what has been happend, has been happened. It cannot be brought back to original condition. Those gates cannot be closed now. They will remain that much open forever. No psychiatrist or any medicine can bring it back to square one. Medicines can only worsen the case. Thus, the only way out now is to learn to live with those gates opened.
For that, the first thing is to how to get good sleep. And, for having good sleep, the first thing is to how to get enough tired physically. If you are not tired physically, you will always have trouble in having good sleep, no matter how helpful other conditions may be. Otherwise, sleep is such a thing which even such a person cannot avoid which is going to be hanged tomorrow. I cannot tell you how to get physically tired. Check your routine, and add enough physical exercise into it, especially in the evening. You must be almost physically exhausted when you are going to sleep, and you will get into sleep whether your eyes are covered or not. Besides physical exercise in the evening, taking bath thereafter, and having some good and slightly more dinner, also help a lot in having good sleep. The last but not the least required thing in the case after a certain age, is good and satisfying sex, which is the last piece of the puzzle, if you have access to it. Believe me, that works wonders.
And, remember, no matter what happens, never take a nap in the day. It is almost a poison in your case. Try to wake up as early as possible, and sleep early also. Avoid late nights too. Broadly, get in routine.
Now, the second part, which is how to handle those irrelevant and disturbing thoughts while being awake. There are only two things which can help you in that regard. I have told you the first one already, which is the knowledge of what is happening actually and what exactly those thoughts, dreams and those dream persons there are. That will help you.
The second thing what you can do is to keep yourself mentally busy during the day, by diverting your mind into those things which you like or think productive. Do not pay much attention to those thoughts. Treat those as something is passing by you, which will come and go away automatically too. Try to be an uninterested observer instead of involver. That is a slightly different and difficult thing but can be learned with patience and practice.
So, you need not to worry about seeing cheating your or your girlfriend in your dreams. That is not cheating actually and you should not feel either guilty or worry about all that. Let all that happen, just understand and remember what is happening, and all that would stop troubling you much.
There is an another way to handle this too, which is going deep into this instead of avoiding this. But, i think that being a quite young person, you are not ready for that, at least for now.
with love,
sanjay
When I reach conclusions that other philosophers have reached and thinking of things that benefit understanding by knowing. I do think a lot about those things, which are intellectually stimulating. Not all of it is bad, I just want to get rid of or learn to ignore the other side. I am tired of frustration or anger, the “fight or flight” instinct.
Well I work grave yard too, so I have to sleep during around mid day time till midnight.
I would like to meditate but when I try I cannot quiet my mind or not get distracted.
Okay, then at least try to get physically tired in order to get sound sleep.
Towards which thing you try to concentrate your mind so you feel distracted!
Artimas, nothing can stop your mind for distraction during meditation. I know that you are a quite young but let me tell you that i am very much into this meditation kind of stuff (quite seriously) for more than twenty years, and my mind still distracts, then how your mind can stop distracting!
You have to learn to live with distraction. Secondly, meditation will only worsen your problem, instead of improving, unless you do it properly and sincerely enough, and that also with the in person help of any expert too, who by the way are very difficult to find now.
Thus, easier option for you is to come back and get busy in this world.
with love,
sanjay
In the USA, that is very largely a medical environment issue. Anxiety and neurosis from neurotoxins and viruses don’t really care if you are trying to meditate. The subtle distracting noise in the mind doesn’t go away, even in their sleep. It is at the root of “boredom”.
I do not understand, James. The problem may be psychological but how it can be medical? Is US population fed with something dangerous physically, and how?
With love,
Sanjay
As the Greeks said, “Disease makes God perfect”. Along with science, all medicine and methods of distribution increase. The objective is control, not purity.
Life on Earth is an iceberg afloat the ocean of public perception. You really, truly wouldn’t believe what goes on under the surface and yet without it, your world would not be afloat. But don’t take that to mean that it couldn’t be very greatly improved.
People have neurological diseases. How they got them is a separate issue. The fact that the common person in the USA (and many other places) has this condition prevents Buddhistic meditation along with creating a good deal of social chaos … with purpose.
The mind suffers from early age and never develops into actual sanity. Emotional stability is difficult, reasoning strained, wisdom lost in the wind.