Need help with my book.

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1

I put my book away for a while, to give it space and after coming back to it,
I still believe in it. I am writing a two page synopsis of my book to send off
to agents. Reducing a 270 page book to a 2 page synopsis isn’t easy.
After working for a week on it, I have this but I have my doubts, so
kids, that is where you come in have your say in my synopsis.
What do you think?

The COST OF PARADISE is a book that dares to challenge everything we believe in
today and it does so in a thoughtful and brave way.

In the future, 9444266 is a factory worker who gets fired for a minor infraction.

As he no longer has a worker card, all 9444266 has, is the borrowed clothes on his back.
Without a place to stay, he begins to walk the streets of the city.
He finds himself in a small forest with a group of people who call themselves
“the community”. In this community, he learns there is a different path, a different
way of life for human beings. It is not about work, a job, making money or being a consumer,
but life is about finding out, who you are. In an effort to learn more, 9444266 returns to the
business world, this time as retail manager and he learns a vital truth. There is no freedom
in the business world because everyone is held hostage to this idea of the pursuit of profit.
As long as profits are valued higher then humans, we have a nihilistic world.
But how to break free?

To break free leads him to choosing between the religious path or the philosophical path.

He chooses the religious and we follow this path of freedom in his life.
After thinking, discussing, debating, he rejects the religious path and
turns to the philosophical. He asks, what is the meaning of life, what
is the purpose of life and how do we find freedom?

In part three, the forest is overrun by forces wanting the land and
the community loses everything. The debate becomes, what is
the community to do? After debate, the community decides to make a stand against
the modern capitalist world. The community wins because people are ready for a change,
ready to learn what is really possible for humans beings.

The last chapter end with 9444266 in old age and ready for death.
Here we learn of his choice of a new name. His name means
“night has passed” and it has and a new age begins.

OK, kids, would you read this book based on this?
Don’t sugar coat because that won’t help me.
If its crap, say so and why.

Kropotkin

2

There’s nothing cliche about your plot line, but the language you are using to sell your book makes this synopsis sound like something in between a film trailer and a factual report. Remember your audience: publishers read thousands of summaries a week, you need to make it stand out better.

Use the synopsis to give them a glimpse of your actual writing style, as far as possible. Also clean up your punctuation: a lot of publishers will see your comma over-usage and think ‘that just looks like a lot of effort to edit’. Sad but true.

Otherwise, good luck.

3

Most of the books that I consider re-readable, have a twist.

Sometimes the plot inverts…meaning, as you are reading, you are reasoning, and your reasoning will lead you to a conclusion, but the twist turns your logic on it’s head. Those books tend to keep the reader drawn in, and turning pages, wanting more.

The plot sounds interesting, but linear. Do you have any other thoughts on how it could go, other than what you have mapped out so far?

4

Think the description gives a sense a montage, where the whole work is seen in the summary, and it may work if you can work it on more then one level. To accomplish that, you have to bring in characterization who support the central character, who is obviously in temporal transition. To get the idea who this man is, and what his aims, and achievments are, the other character may need to impute the transition this man is going through, rather then working it in first person or even thrid person singular. If you’d want to strongly color It futuristically, the strong characterisation may come through as expressionistic, stylistically. Somewhat like in Three Penny Opera. But his(your) intentions as to where you want to go with it, remains unclear, and resolution simply as statement of fact, as to the inner workings of this man psyche, may not be enough. But depends where it may take you. Is it finished?

5

Have you ever considered self-publishing as an e-book via Amazon?

6

Synopsis sounds like the book lacks subtlety. Imo, sounds more like a set of adolescent criticisms of “capitalism” than an interesting and well-thought-out and emotionally touching story. A bit hammy.

7

I an not ignoring anybody, I am just thinking about
the different posts. The thing about writing is the very last thing
you do is write. You spend far more time thinking about what you are
going to write then the actual writing.

btw- the book is complete and has been for a quite a while.

Kropotkin

8

Another try kids.

The COST OF PARADISE explores and challenges every ideology we value today.

Part 1: In the future, a factory worker numbered 9444266 is fired over a minor infraction of the rules.
He loses everything and is forced to wander the streets. He comes across a a group of people living
in a forest. These people call themselves “The community”. This community rejects modern values
and modern ideologies. To better understand the contrast between the values of the community
and the modern world, 9444266 returns to the business world as a manager of a retail store. Here
he learns a truth, no one is free because everyone is held hostage to the modern world pursuit of profits.
This negation of human values means we live in a nihilistic world. The question becomes, how do we escape?

Part 2: For 9444266, the path to freedom from nihilism is either the religious path or the philosophical path.
9444266 explores both paths by asking questions, such as what is the meaning of life and where does
mankind go from here?

Part 3: The forest is overrun by forces wanted the land the community lives on. After losing this land
the community is faced with decisions such as should the community disband and if not, what is next?
After debate, the community decides to change the world with a new paradigm shift, one that puts humans first.
As the world is now ready for a new paradigm shift, the community triumphs over the modern world and a new age
begins.

The novel ends with the death of 9444266 but we learn that he changed his name. His new name means “night has passed”
and it has.

K: well kids, is that any better?

Kropotkin

9

I’d like to ask you what the purpose of the synopsis is. Is it to give to potential publishers so that they will get an interest in your book? Is it for the potential reader? Given a specific goal, specific critique can be given. If it was your goal, for example, to have this be the text on the back of the book (I know you’re not making a physical book, but assuming you were), then presenting it with 3 separate parts would not be a great choice. It would sound a bit tedious for that purpose, imo. But, perhaps for other purposes, it’s perfect.

10

Sorry for my delay, problems with my laptop have cause issues.

I am sending my book to agents and publishers. Now different
agents and publishers have different things they want.
Some want the first ten pages, some want 50 pages plus cover letter,
some want cover letter, 50 pages plus synopsis and some want
10 pages plus synopsis. So this one agent want 10 pages plus synopsis
and thus I am trying to meet this one agent needs.

Kropotkin

11

It’s probably appropriate for that purpose (not that I know anything about publishing/publishers/etc).

12

PK, I have a question. I assure you I am being perfectly serious! When you read your manuscript, how do you pronounce the chap’s name? I understand that it is a futuristic novel. However, I just wonder if it may be off-putting for any potential reader. Do you read it as, nine treble four two six six - seven syllables… Nine four four four two double six - eight syllables? etc.

13

I ask again PK, have you considered self-publishing?

Being brutally honest, your book is not original enough to be taken seriously by a lot of agents and publishers. Giving the central character a number for their name is very 70s sci-fi. Indeed, using a name to try to make it really obvious that this is a dehumanised society is extremely hackneyed, particularly when that name is just a random number.

The story itself ain’t so bad, but again it’s a bit bloody obvious, like you’ve taken a couple of aspects from Logan’s Run and Aldous Huxley and slapped them together. There’s nothing in this book that hasn’t already been written, so aside from flattering a small audience’s preconceptions of what a book should contain there isn’t much here that screams ‘profit’. Ultimately, an agent and/or publisher is trying to make money from selling this book. My guess is that you’ll have to try a lot harder to convince them to spend money marketing your book than you would if you had a book that wasn’t just the same as a million other books. From what you’ve told us so far, there is no unique selling point, there is no reason why someone should invest money in trying to convince people to buy this book rather than a very similar book from an established author.

Furthermore, why do you want/need an agent? Can you not approach publishers directly? Why give up 10% or 15% or whatever to some schmuck who isn’t really doing anything you couldn’t do for yourself? These days you can self publish e-books for basically no money, it’s not like in the past where you actually had to pay to print the books, and then go out and market it yourself.

My honest feedback is that the synopsis is alright, but you will seriously struggle to sell such a book to an agent/publisher given its content. There’s nothing here that existing books have not already covered. It’s just another bit of political sci-fi, not bad in itself, but if I were a publisher then I would ignore it, and I like this sort of story, this sort of book. Of course I don’t know the details - why is the central character fired from his job? Simply ‘a minor infraction of the rules’ could be anything, it doesn’t make me think ‘this writer has a good imagination, can come up with something most people couldn’t’. A factory worker getting fired for something doesn’t exactly appeal to your market, because there are very few factory workers in the Western world. A factory worker in China getting fired for some small infraction - happens all the time, again not original or inspiring or gripping.

So my advice is to forget about agents, focus on approaching publishers directly. Also, reconsider naming the character after your credit card number. Also, reconsider whether there’s anything in your book that isn’t in a million other already-existing books and if there is some original stuff in there then focus your synopsis around that. Right now it is quite bland and doesn’t sound at all original and hence marketable. If you want to write then great but if you want to publish then you’ve got to appreciate that publishers only put out books that they think will make money.

14

I fundamentally agree with this. Every bit of your synopsis sounded extremely familiar to me.
Still interesting though.

15

I have read and watch sci fi for over 40 years, I know what “looks” cliche,
however with that said, the book is not sci fi, it is more along the lines of
animal farm. It is political and philosophical, not sci fi.

The number of the lead character is simply a statement of fact in the modern world. We are numbers,
from our social security number to our driver’s license number to our work number,
which is where I got the number from. My work number is 9444266, that is how I clock in
and clock out for lunch. I use that number 40 plus times a day. If I do anything at work,
I must have that number. It is mandatory to know your number. My name is irrelevant
and that boys and girls is the modern age and the point. It is not cliche because it is truth
and you are so immersed in the modern age, you can’t even see it.

Kropotkin

16

In other words, you aren’t interested in criticism or capable of taking it…

17

This is cliche. It has been done before. Several times. It’s too obvious. Like someone here said, not enough subtlety.

18

Let’s not beat a dead horse. I obviously agree with both of your criticisms, SIATD and Vol, but I get the feeling that this conversation is on it’s way away from constructive criticism and towards meanness.

19

I was simply responding to the allegation that I’m ‘so immersed in the modern age’ that I can’t see that having the central character have a number for a name isn’t actually a whopping cliche…

20

Another, another, try kids.

The COST OF PARADISE explores and challenges every ideology we value today.
The closes novel I would compare to it “Animal Farm”.
We live in a society that many considers to be the pinnacle of human history
because we have the highest standard of living in history. Some have call this
modern age a “paradise”. But what does it cost human beings to live in this paradise?

Part 1: In the future, a factory worker numbered 9444266 is fired over a minor infraction of the rules.
He loses everything and is forced to wander the streets. He comes across a a group of people living
in a forest. These people call themselves “The community”. The community asks its members, who are you?
In answering this question, people are forced to understand the real meaning of the ongoing debate
between the individual and society, as to what is man’s role in society?

To better understand the contrast between the values of the community and the modern world,
9444266 returns to the business world as a manager of a retail store. Here he learns a truth, no one
is free because everyone is held hostage to the modern world pursuit of profits.
This negation of human values means we live in a nihilistic world. The question becomes,
how do we escape?

Part 2: For 9444266, the path to freedom from nihilism is either the religious path or the philosophical path.
9444266 explores both paths by asking questions, such as what is the meaning of life. The value of the
two paths is they create something that has been lost in the modern world and that is a vision of future.
Who are these creatures we call human beings?

Part 3: The forest is overrun by forces wanting the land the community lives on. After losing their land
the community is faced with a decision, should the community disband? After debate, the
community decides to continue and try to change the world with a new paradigm shift, one that puts
life first. If the world is ready for a new paradigm shift, the community is ready to lead.

K: well kids, is that any better?

Kropotkin