All I’ve done my “whole life” is to be as truthful with the species that I can be.
This species has a deep/dark ugliness.
I’ve been that myself at times, often not even knowing it (but not always)
I once told a guy that you have to make really big mistakes sometimes in order to have huge successes, and he replied “well isn’t that a contradiction?”
To which I replied, “no, that’s the scientific method”