Have you ever considered self-publishing as an e-book via Amazon?
Synopsis sounds like the book lacks subtlety. Imo, sounds more like a set of adolescent criticisms of “capitalism” than an interesting and well-thought-out and emotionally touching story. A bit hammy.
I an not ignoring anybody, I am just thinking about
the different posts. The thing about writing is the very last thing
you do is write. You spend far more time thinking about what you are
going to write then the actual writing.
btw- the book is complete and has been for a quite a while.
Kropotkin
Another try kids.
The COST OF PARADISE explores and challenges every ideology we value today.
Part 1: In the future, a factory worker numbered 9444266 is fired over a minor infraction of the rules.
He loses everything and is forced to wander the streets. He comes across a a group of people living
in a forest. These people call themselves “The community”. This community rejects modern values
and modern ideologies. To better understand the contrast between the values of the community
and the modern world, 9444266 returns to the business world as a manager of a retail store. Here
he learns a truth, no one is free because everyone is held hostage to the modern world pursuit of profits.
This negation of human values means we live in a nihilistic world. The question becomes, how do we escape?
Part 2: For 9444266, the path to freedom from nihilism is either the religious path or the philosophical path.
9444266 explores both paths by asking questions, such as what is the meaning of life and where does
mankind go from here?
Part 3: The forest is overrun by forces wanted the land the community lives on. After losing this land
the community is faced with decisions such as should the community disband and if not, what is next?
After debate, the community decides to change the world with a new paradigm shift, one that puts humans first.
As the world is now ready for a new paradigm shift, the community triumphs over the modern world and a new age
begins.
The novel ends with the death of 9444266 but we learn that he changed his name. His new name means “night has passed”
and it has.
K: well kids, is that any better?
Kropotkin
I’d like to ask you what the purpose of the synopsis is. Is it to give to potential publishers so that they will get an interest in your book? Is it for the potential reader? Given a specific goal, specific critique can be given. If it was your goal, for example, to have this be the text on the back of the book (I know you’re not making a physical book, but assuming you were), then presenting it with 3 separate parts would not be a great choice. It would sound a bit tedious for that purpose, imo. But, perhaps for other purposes, it’s perfect.
Sorry for my delay, problems with my laptop have cause issues.
I am sending my book to agents and publishers. Now different
agents and publishers have different things they want.
Some want the first ten pages, some want 50 pages plus cover letter,
some want cover letter, 50 pages plus synopsis and some want
10 pages plus synopsis. So this one agent want 10 pages plus synopsis
and thus I am trying to meet this one agent needs.
Kropotkin
It’s probably appropriate for that purpose (not that I know anything about publishing/publishers/etc).
PK, I have a question. I assure you I am being perfectly serious! When you read your manuscript, how do you pronounce the chap’s name? I understand that it is a futuristic novel. However, I just wonder if it may be off-putting for any potential reader. Do you read it as, nine treble four two six six - seven syllables… Nine four four four two double six - eight syllables? etc.
I ask again PK, have you considered self-publishing?
Being brutally honest, your book is not original enough to be taken seriously by a lot of agents and publishers. Giving the central character a number for their name is very 70s sci-fi. Indeed, using a name to try to make it really obvious that this is a dehumanised society is extremely hackneyed, particularly when that name is just a random number.
The story itself ain’t so bad, but again it’s a bit bloody obvious, like you’ve taken a couple of aspects from Logan’s Run and Aldous Huxley and slapped them together. There’s nothing in this book that hasn’t already been written, so aside from flattering a small audience’s preconceptions of what a book should contain there isn’t much here that screams ‘profit’. Ultimately, an agent and/or publisher is trying to make money from selling this book. My guess is that you’ll have to try a lot harder to convince them to spend money marketing your book than you would if you had a book that wasn’t just the same as a million other books. From what you’ve told us so far, there is no unique selling point, there is no reason why someone should invest money in trying to convince people to buy this book rather than a very similar book from an established author.
Furthermore, why do you want/need an agent? Can you not approach publishers directly? Why give up 10% or 15% or whatever to some schmuck who isn’t really doing anything you couldn’t do for yourself? These days you can self publish e-books for basically no money, it’s not like in the past where you actually had to pay to print the books, and then go out and market it yourself.
My honest feedback is that the synopsis is alright, but you will seriously struggle to sell such a book to an agent/publisher given its content. There’s nothing here that existing books have not already covered. It’s just another bit of political sci-fi, not bad in itself, but if I were a publisher then I would ignore it, and I like this sort of story, this sort of book. Of course I don’t know the details - why is the central character fired from his job? Simply ‘a minor infraction of the rules’ could be anything, it doesn’t make me think ‘this writer has a good imagination, can come up with something most people couldn’t’. A factory worker getting fired for something doesn’t exactly appeal to your market, because there are very few factory workers in the Western world. A factory worker in China getting fired for some small infraction - happens all the time, again not original or inspiring or gripping.
So my advice is to forget about agents, focus on approaching publishers directly. Also, reconsider naming the character after your credit card number. Also, reconsider whether there’s anything in your book that isn’t in a million other already-existing books and if there is some original stuff in there then focus your synopsis around that. Right now it is quite bland and doesn’t sound at all original and hence marketable. If you want to write then great but if you want to publish then you’ve got to appreciate that publishers only put out books that they think will make money.
I fundamentally agree with this. Every bit of your synopsis sounded extremely familiar to me.
Still interesting though.
I have read and watch sci fi for over 40 years, I know what “looks” cliche,
however with that said, the book is not sci fi, it is more along the lines of
animal farm. It is political and philosophical, not sci fi.
The number of the lead character is simply a statement of fact in the modern world. We are numbers,
from our social security number to our driver’s license number to our work number,
which is where I got the number from. My work number is 9444266, that is how I clock in
and clock out for lunch. I use that number 40 plus times a day. If I do anything at work,
I must have that number. It is mandatory to know your number. My name is irrelevant
and that boys and girls is the modern age and the point. It is not cliche because it is truth
and you are so immersed in the modern age, you can’t even see it.
Kropotkin
In other words, you aren’t interested in criticism or capable of taking it…
This is cliche. It has been done before. Several times. It’s too obvious. Like someone here said, not enough subtlety.
Let’s not beat a dead horse. I obviously agree with both of your criticisms, SIATD and Vol, but I get the feeling that this conversation is on it’s way away from constructive criticism and towards meanness.
I was simply responding to the allegation that I’m ‘so immersed in the modern age’ that I can’t see that having the central character have a number for a name isn’t actually a whopping cliche…
Another, another, try kids.
The COST OF PARADISE explores and challenges every ideology we value today.
The closes novel I would compare to it “Animal Farm”.
We live in a society that many considers to be the pinnacle of human history
because we have the highest standard of living in history. Some have call this
modern age a “paradise”. But what does it cost human beings to live in this paradise?
Part 1: In the future, a factory worker numbered 9444266 is fired over a minor infraction of the rules.
He loses everything and is forced to wander the streets. He comes across a a group of people living
in a forest. These people call themselves “The community”. The community asks its members, who are you?
In answering this question, people are forced to understand the real meaning of the ongoing debate
between the individual and society, as to what is man’s role in society?
To better understand the contrast between the values of the community and the modern world,
9444266 returns to the business world as a manager of a retail store. Here he learns a truth, no one
is free because everyone is held hostage to the modern world pursuit of profits.
This negation of human values means we live in a nihilistic world. The question becomes,
how do we escape?
Part 2: For 9444266, the path to freedom from nihilism is either the religious path or the philosophical path.
9444266 explores both paths by asking questions, such as what is the meaning of life. The value of the
two paths is they create something that has been lost in the modern world and that is a vision of future.
Who are these creatures we call human beings?
Part 3: The forest is overrun by forces wanting the land the community lives on. After losing their land
the community is faced with a decision, should the community disband? After debate, the
community decides to continue and try to change the world with a new paradigm shift, one that puts
life first. If the world is ready for a new paradigm shift, the community is ready to lead.
K: well kids, is that any better?
Kropotkin
another try.
My book, “THE COST OF PARADISE” is about freedom. Many people consider our
modern political system of Democracy and our economic system of Capitalism as to
be the perfect marriage of freedom and standard of living. However, what if our
political and economic system actually threatens our souls, our bodies, our species and our planet?
In the near future, a factory worker is fired from his job for a minor infractions of the rules.
Without a job, he is homeless and is forced to the streets. While walking, he comes across
a group of people living in a forest. They are refugees from the modern world and they have
united themselves into a group they call, the community. This community challenges the
modern assumptions about the role between the individual and society. One method the community
uses is by asking questions such as, who are you?
The former factory worker gets a retail job to learn more about the modern world.
Here he learns a truth, no one is free because we are all held hostage by our pursuit of profits.
This negation of human values means we live in a nihilistic world but how do we escape this
nihilism?
Part 2: What is the path from nihilism to freedom? The ex factory worker explores
two possibilities, the religious path and the philosophical path. He explores each path
by asking such questions as, what is the meaning of life? Is there a god? What is freedom?
Where do we go from here?
Part 3: The forest where the community lives is overrun by forces wanting the forest and the land.
The community becomes displaced. This displacement creates new questions for the community as in,
is the community worth fighting for, worth dying for? After debate, the community decides to
challenge the modern world. The challenge is to find a new path, a new way of living, a new
paradigm of life that is about freedom, real freedom for everyone.
How is that?
Kropotkin
I’m a writer so I understand that a summary will never do a novel justice, even when trying to sell it.
A few things said above do apply. I totally understand the numbered identity, but you have to consider that a reader will just pass over it, because it’s difficult to catch on to. Your intentions are true to the name, but he must start calling himself something else quickly, in revolt.
Another book that is similar to this is Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. I suggest you read it, then ask yourself is your book better than his. It, too, deals with Identity, Community, and Capitalism.
Much of your book deals with inner struggle. I identify with this and think a book captures the minds of characters better than other forms of entertainment. However, I am in the minority on this. A majority of readers need something concrete to happen. Now, I dont just mean explosions, but events that plot out. He can’t just go into the woods, and “do some thinking.” Think of how that would sound to an agent. What are the specific thoughts (in your pitch), and how do they involve action. (more important)
I dont see an agent thinking they can make money from this. Trust me, I hate that aspect, too.
Look into publishing this yourself on amazon. Many self published books are now on the best seller list. Pay an editor to proof read your manuscript.Good luck. At the very least, this last book is practice for a better book.
Also make sure there’s a Kindle version, otherwise I’ll never get to read it, and most probably cry myself to sleep on a semi-frequent basis, possibly over a number of months.
And good luck with the whole publishing thing btw.
With a nod to SIATD, if I ever get my butt into gear and write something of suitable length, it’s straight to e-book format for me. Print is dead.
after hearing from people, it seems that my best best is
amazon or kindle or whatever. I have to figure out how to make
that work and finish editing and all that good stuff.
Thank you for all your help.
Kropotkin