Actually, I was completely serious. I think all people are looking for “perfection” in their relationships and there is no such animal. Bliss is real, as are real problems like money, infidelity, health issues, accidents, natural disasters and being downright sick of each other.
Know yourself before you jump into marriage… but if I could be really honest that doesn’t happen until after 50 and even then you will experience growth and change. By then your biological clock is gone. The greater issue for me is the notion of one marriage for life. It is lovely to dream, but most older couples have issues bordering on disdain for each other. Sure there are exceptions but ask those 65 yr old lovebirds if they haven’t duked it out to get there. They have, believe me. These unrealistic expectations are just that.
Unrealistic.
Several years ago the movie “Groundhog Day” was made intentionally incorporating some esoteric ideas within it. I know this to be the case from knowing of some that were involved with its production.
One of the ideas was illustrating a man’s growth in character and the different way a woman of quality would respond to him.
Initially our hero was an egotistical sarcastic weak man working as a TV weatherman… He finds himself trapped in Punxsutawney on groundhog day in a time loop. If he does nothing different, events will repeat themselves as they were on the original day. But if he changes his behavior, people will respond to his new actions, opening up all kinds of possibilities for playing with the unfolding of events. Either way, with each “new” day, he alone remembers what happened in previous editions of the same day.
Initially Phil, our hero is attracted to Rita the producer but she is only motherly towards him. It is only after his transformation brought about by experiencing the same events over and over and coming to see his childishness and the lunacy of it all that he begins to change and become a man. As a consequence Rita is able to become a woman to him with the normal respect a woman like Rita would give a real man whose humanity has evolved.
So many men will continue to be sarcastic and weak with no self knowledge and women will continue to mother and manipulate them even in marriage.
Men that have become themselves and acquiring the freedom to be themselves will always attract women needing to do the same that will be more than happy to be women…
I agree whole heartedly with knowing yourself before marriage and that most have unrealistic expectations and tend to get sick of each other.
That is why I endorse friendship above all else in a marital relation. If you are not truly friends then a life long commitment can be painful to acheive.
Friendships tend to grow healthier and more loving then any else. Many arranged marriages started off as strangers then friendship then love. Sometimes people should look at arranged blind dates closer then they do. The people that surround you often know you better then what you admit to yourself.
I can’t agree with the age of 50 thing though. As long as you know and expect you and your mate are going to change and grow in different ways you can make it a strength not a weakness.
No, I’m not … the female I married is exactly what I described above … and as I know myself, and my intolerance of weakness, I could never accept a female that didn’t meet me as an equal … but that’s me, and not indicative of what anyone else needs.
He is does that count? Although I must admit getting him to mature is an uphill battle He just now is getting over a 7yr midlife crisis, wait til he sees my mentalpause
I hate ppl (like me) who say you will understand one day – yaddayadda, but I have had some incredible changes in my life that I could never (I mean never) have dreamed of even two years ago. Okay, okay — your opinion counts if he is 50. LOL
Kris, you and I are the lucky ones. You have to WANT it and work hard at KEEPING what you’ve got! I think we are both doing that.
My friend you are very correct about wanting and working hard to keep it. We have our share of marital problems and differences but keeping the relation at the center, keeping a good sense of humor and keeping it first has always worked. Anger does not meant hate, hate does not mean an end, it can mean a begining.
Changes in each other are painful as well as exciting. Eyes wide open and allowing your partner to follow their own path and ways is truly the best security as long as both can accept and love the changes that you are not real fond of. Love everything about them even the bad, for with out loving the bad you will never truly appreciate the good.
I blush, not my intention. You know though, are not emotions the truest form of poetry? If you have a passion about it does it not seem to sing to you or vibrate in a rythmic way?
what is it about the age of 50?
is that the time that you would find the right woman?
being married to her til the age of 50, you taught her all you know and becoming like you, you did not realize you have found your right woman.
You sound like muslim material. It’s a great faith, taking into consideration, unlike Chistianity, the natural drives of humans. A man can have three wives provided he is able to fulfill all three of her.
Otherwise, you’ll have to become a Samurai, allowing you to keep an infinite amount of concubines next to one wife.
Piffle, see that is soooooo biased. Male started Religions give all the goodys to the males and women get to scrub toilets. Women ought to get as many men as she can handle too.
Is there such an animal that would be together after their baby animal kids grew up? Is there such an animal that the female has more than one male lovers?
I was thinking the animal of a sea lion, which, he challenge the leader of a male sea lion, and if he wins, he be the new leader, screw all the women sea lions and destroy the previous male sea lion children. For the reason of gene domination.
Where do you ever see a woman animal be the leader and control all the males?
spiders.
But where do you ever see a woman who has more than one husband? other then being divorced and marry someone else. After all that , I know the comment you made was not serious. SO I suppose this comment is any use at all.
How quaint and uneducated Dan02, wolves, whales, porpoise, Dolphins, among the apes and monkeys, Orangatangs,Spider and several other breeds of ape and chimps. Not to mention in most the animal kingdom it is the female that chooses the males not the other way around. If he does not fit her needs he is gone. It is very common for females to dictate what happens in most animal species. Now granted the great big strong male can come in and kill babies but, you notice he does not mess with the females, he usually makes these big strong brave kills when the females are not around, are off hunting.
Your comment is totally childish, puberty hormones run amok type comment.
In conclusion how do you know which woman is the right one.
be it if she/ he accepts you. How do you know which one is the right one? you can’t because it is base on assumption. Only thing you can do is be moral and do your duty as a husband and wife to each other, if not the vows in the beginning of that sacred marriage, is broken.
Assumption? hardly and sacred marriage ? Marriage is not sacred. It is a production of neccessity. Only if you are religious is it sacred. Me? I view mine as a neccesary part of my life.
You know the right woman when her soul speaks to you with out words. when she looks upon you as the beginning and the end and when you look upon her the same. The right spouse is not lust nor gender, it is souls reaching and connecting before and beyond sexuality. It is not a groin moving feeling, it is a heart tearing emotion. Should you choose to allow yourself this vunerability then you may be lucky enough to find your mate. I did, My husband did. We are stronger now then in our begginning. May you be so lucky as to find your mate be it male or female.
I do not know what you grown ups are talking about any more.
He is does that count? Although I must admit getting him to mature is an uphill battle 
