This story is nothing more than a mockery of how I used to act. My depression, my obsessive behavior, and my horrible habit of hurting myself for the pity of others.
There are more stories to come, of course. But for now, enjoy.
Critique is welcome. bows
I thought it was funny, but it didn’t really give much backgrounding. Like what you did in the first sentence when you said it was the same Thursday she would knock over her papers or whatever. I like authors who, when they describe their characters, they describe the physical and nonphysical at the same time. Like saying how your hair was, and then saying what you thought of it, or a scar and why you had it and when you got it. Maybe what you’re wearing and if it was a gift. Maybe what something you looked at reminded you of. Just kind of revealing your characters’ attributes through inconsequential little things, then building up to an event, and then when that event is completed, show a little more change. It wouldn’t have hurt to put another paragraph describing yourself (Kiwi).
Mostly I’m saying all this because you told me what it was about, and I think you could have described or mocked those suicidal/self-hurting behaviors a little more elaborately had I known “Kiwi” a little better.
Critique?
un-met need = desporation = madness.
You needed somthing from others, and i think that was why you hurt youself. I dont think many people get their dayly requirement of cherished and supported. Also its hard to be wise.
Still, remember that justice = you deserve to get what you need in life!
I will keep on trying to make that happen for myself because i believe that i deserve it, dont you believe that you deserve to have your every need fulfilled? Because when you dont get what you need, you weaken or die, and we have the right to live i say!